Hell’s Kitchen Recap: Solidarity. Or not.

Recaps

By BlueCanary | Wednesday, August 15, 2012 | 1:45 pm | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Hell's Kitchen, Recaps

Hey there, strangers! After a solid two weeks of putting Gordon in the corner to wallow in the well-muscled extravaganza dominating the NBC airwaves, it’s time to bring things back to what we know: the high drama of Hell’s Kitchen.

The last couple episodes trimmed some dead weight big time, what with Kimmie and Brian being shown the door, but we’re all still sort of confused, since the borderline headcase that is Robyn was given a Black jacket. Left behind to babysit her are Christina, Justin, Barbie, Dana, and Clemenza, all of whom must now set aside their differences and work together to sabotage Robyn. Because that’s what happens whenever she fucks up—it’s never because she’s an incompetent lunatic, it’s because someone is plotting against her!

This is what we’re left with. Man, I still miss Patrick.

So all the remaining contestants are totally psyched to have the Black jackets, and they all get chef knives, as well. Good, because if everyone has the same knife, it’ll be harder to determine exactly who murdered Robyn…who is dancing Dana around the kitchen like they haven’t hated each other openly for the past 17 episodes. Justin and Clemenza are more somber, knowing that the time has come to really bring their respective A-games. I guess they’ve just been slacking this whole time?

After a drama-free night, Gordon brings them down to meet Chefs Ludo and Quinn, who are actual real chefs and have been somehow roped into this, probably because they owe Gordon a favor or something. Gordon unveils a dish prepared by each of them, and the challenge is for the contestants to taste and examine each dish and list the ways in which they vary from the traditional version. Ludo’s caprese salad, for example, has red bell peppers instead of tomatoes, and feta mousse instead of mozzarella.

Such mystery lies within!

No one got a damn one of those ingredients right, but somehow brought up hazelnuts from god knows where. Chef Quinn has made seafood pasta, with something called salsify instead of noodles. Clemenza knows it’s not pasta because he’s Italian, and Dana thinks it might be potato. What salsify is, and I had to turn to Google for this one, is a flowering plant that’s cultivated for its edible roots. So he basically just gave them a plate of weeds and fish. Gordon can’t believe none of them got that, because I guess they’re just not sophisticated enough. At least they appear to have heard of it, which is more than I can say for myself. Also, and I know I’ve said this before, can we PLEASE stop with the regional stereotypes? Clemenza’s Italian heritage does not mean he knows everything about pasta or garlic or whatever. It’s like if I called PopePhilly a cheesesteak munching mofo, just because of the Philly thing. For all I know, PopePhilly hates cheesesteak. Probably not, though.

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BlueCanary is as unorthodox a blend of optimistic and bitter, laid-back and anxious, motivated and straight up lazy tas one is likely to meet outside an unspecified institution. She spent the past decade holding a variety of job titles, including reporter, tech writer, production manager, and administrative assistant (the go-to job in this economy for folks who just HAD to get that English degree). She is currently living under the tiny yet powerful thumb of an awesome, pint-sized little dude, who wets himself and can't form full sentences (read: stay at home mom). Another tyrannical little thumb is gestating in her womb. She is a regular on The Neutral Corner podcast and blogs at www.mamamuzzle.com. 

Blue's as-yet-unpublished YA novel, The Nature of Echoes, is currently a Quarterfinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. If you'd like to check it out, a free excerpt is available to download at http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Echoes-ABNA-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3XFQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363378599&sr=1-1&keywords=eva+gibson+abna.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    michkabibbles
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    oh barbie, i have missed your face(s).

  2. 2
    Leto
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    I smell Barbie (no, that’s not racist), Christina, and Justin in final 3. Unless one of those 3 royally fuck up. Justin is getting so douchy that I almost like Dana better. But it was fun to see him getting shirts as reward for his sexism, thay’re just a nightmare to iron. Serves him right :D .

    Can’t wait for a Robynfree show. (and I giggled like a crazy person to your mike myers caption. The Barbie Face is just priceless with it)

  3. 3
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    @Leto, I saw this French joke the other day and I thought of you. I even claim that because it has a potato in it that it is NOT off topic.

    A farm youth from mid-America who had never traveled out of his county before was walking along a beach in France on his first foreign holiday.

    There were many beautiful women lying in the sun. Many were topless, and he really wanted to meet one. But try as he might, the women didn’t seem to be at all interested.

    Finally, as a last resort, he walked up to a French guy lying on the beach who was surrounded by adoring women.

    “Excuse me” he said, taking the guy aside “but I’ve been trying to meet one of these women for about an hour now, and I just can’t seem to get anywhere with them. You’re French. You know these women. What do they want?”

    “Maybe I can help a leetle beet” says the Frenchman. “What you do ees you go to zee store. You buy a leetle bikini sweeming suit. You walk up and down zee beach. You meet girl very qweekly zees way”.

    “Wow! Thanks!” said the young fellow and off he went to the store.

    He bought a skimpy red bathing suit, put it on, and went back to the beach. He paraded up and down the beach but still had no luck with the ladies. So he went back to the Frenchman. “I’m sorry to bother you again” he said “but I went to the store, I got a swimsuit, and I still haven’t been able to meet a girl”.

    “Okay” says the Frenchman “I tell you what you do. You go to zee store. You buy potato. You put potato in sweeming suit and walk up and down zee beach. You will meet girl very, very qweekly zees way”.

    “Thanks!” he said, and he ran off to the store.

    He bought the potato, put it in the swimsuit, and marched up and down the beach. Up and down, up and down he walked but the women would hardly even look at him. After half an hour he couldn’t take it anymore and went back to the Frenchman.

    “Look buddy” he said “I got the suit, I put the potato in it, and I walked up and down the beach and still nothing!

    What more can I do?”

    “Well” said the Frenchman “maybe I can help you a leetle beet.

    Why don’t you try moving zee potato to the FRONT of zee sweeming suit?”

  4. 4
    Leto
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    @Crankyguy: I know that joke xD. A guy named Villemin who draw “comics” of more or less dirty jokes did that one. He draws very ugly people, with very, very gross language, it’s hilarious.

  5. 5
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    I’m totally a cheesesteak munching mofo. Provolone-whiz-with, baby!

    However, I don’t know how to MAKE them very well.

  6. 6
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Also,

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That is all.

  7. 7
    Josh Darius
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Horseradish, really horseradish? And they won of course.

  8. 8
    WishICouldDance
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    CrankyGur!!! You are now on my “S” list and that is NOT the Special List!!!! >: (

    You joke stuck the image of…. Clemenza in a Speedo front and center in my brain!! Potato and all!!

    Nooooooooooo!!! It took me all night to erase the Jet Ski incident – ewww! Creep much, Clemenza? – now I have this. :” (

  9. 9
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Feta mousse sounds delicious.

  10. 10
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    So, riddle me this: why does Gordon always seem so surprised (6 times surprised) when Clemenza gets nominated? He did it again on this episode. To me, Robyn and Clemenza were the logical 2 choices.

    Does anyone think he was expecting Dana to be nominated?

  11. 11
    featherhead
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Barbie didn’t even let Ramsay lift up the lid on his dish, she grabbed it out of his hand and pushed him aside. The WTF look on Gordon’s face was priceless!

  12. 12
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted August 15, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Ugh, would people please stop putting Ludo on t.v..

    Finally!

  13. 13
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted August 16, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    I was wondering how the guy (Quinn) from Hatfields was roped into it – then I watched Masterchef – which took place at Hatfields… My guess is it was a twofer for the restaurant – if you want Masterchef, you gotta do a Hell’s Kitchen spot for me!

  14. 14
    nashuaf
    Posted August 18, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Can someone please just explain to me how it is that every person on this show smokes? How can they taste anything???

  15. 15
    Prozach
    Posted August 18, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    @nashuaf I don’t think Dana smokes, but she’d be the first that’s for sure

    Speaking of which, considering that Gordon gave her the “take control” instead of the”WTF are you doing?” speech, plus she’s the only one not to have a bad dinner service yet (last episode was her worst and it was because Phlegmenza and Robyn sucked), PLUS she’s the hot girl of the season, who as a group (Heather, Virginia, Bonnie, Christina S4, Paula, Holli) have made up a third of all the finalists in the series’ history, I think Dana is a shoo-in for the f2. Probably her and Justin.

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