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Justin is beating the hell out of his own chicken with a frying pan while trying to figure out what to do with it (hint: fry it), and Brian’s Chicago-living ass doesn’t know thing one about grits. Oh, and speaking of ignorant, Robyn is spicing the hell out of her sweet potatoes because Gordon always says she doesn’t use enough spices. She’s just throwing them in willy-nilly, and we all know how this is going to end. I’m going love watching this blow up in her damn face. Then she’ll probably say she was set up failure and yell at Justin for 20 minutes.
Gordon brings in Tanya Steel from epicurious.com to be the guest judge, and they get down to tasting. Barbie brings up blackened catfish with bacon-braised collards, and gets great feedback. Clemenza presents a New York style catfish po’ boy, and what did I say about New York City, Clemenza? You can’t just make every dish for every challenge New York style and expect to pass it off as being a twist on a different region. Learn to cook in other cities, because Southern New York City Style is not a thing. Anyway, he at least knew enough to put bacon in the greens, but since he undercooked the fish, it doesn’t even matter. Clemenza wonders why Tanya isn’t having an orgasm in her mouth. Probably because undercooked fish has rarely been linked to spontaneous…mouth orgasms? It also isn’t linked to winning, because the point goes to Barbie and her fully-cooked food. Shocker. She knew what she was doing, picking Clemenza.
Kimmie brings up her “bangin’-ass” plate of chops and grits. Gordon thinks the presentation is dull, but he can’t deny she just handed him the last word in grits. Tanya says they’re the best grits she’s ever had. You can just see Brian droop. He knows he doesn’t stand a chance, but he presents his buttermilk brown sugar grits anyway, which is elegantly topped with a RAWR pork chop. Gordon won’t even let Tanya eat it, presumably because it might reflect poorly on Hell’s Kitchen if one of their guest judges gets trichinosis in the line of duty. It’s for the best, because no one puts sugar in grits. Not in the South anyway, you Windy City ignoramus.
Christina’s fried chicken is soggy, giving Justin the win with his crispy, intact chicken and lobster mac and cheese. That showdown was sort of glossed over, which surprised me, since they’re the two strongest contenders.
Robyn brings up an open-faced meatloaf sandwich and over-salted sweet potatoes. I knew it! Dana made the potato into a puree and wrapped the mini-meatloaf in bacon. Tanya and Gordon compliment her presentation, calling it posh, so Robyn’s sour grapes, no-talent ass of course snarls to the camera that it doesn’t look posh to her. Well, Robyn, I doubt anyone’s lining up to get your opinion on…well, on anything. Dana’s meat is over-seasoned, though—so Tanya has to decide whether to tie it up and force a tiebreaker, or give Dana the point. She gives it to Dana, and they all just go nuts on the Red team. Tanya then pronounces Dana’s meatball dish as the best out of all the winning dishes, which sort of doesn’t make sense considering they just said it was heavy on the seasoning and it almost tied with Robyn’s. That was probably manufactured for drama and suspense, and if so, they need to just stop. It doesn’t work if they’re all indecisive one minute and awarding the dish the top prize in the next.