Hell’s Kitchen Recap: Tasteless

Recaps

By BlueCanary | Wednesday, July 18, 2012 | 1:00 pm | 18 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Hell's Kitchen, Recaps

No, it appears we can’t work together, because Kimmie has decided to be completely useless and just walk around the kitchen, repeating over and over that she doesn’t know what to do. I was okay with Kimmie up to this point, but she’s starting to annoy me. You have the balls to call someone a dumb lazy bitch to their face, but not to stand up for yourself in a team meeting? And then you’re going to wander all over the kitchen acting like a motivated version of Tiffany? Christina gets her going on her barbecue sauce, but her head’s not in the game and she has trouble with her own recipe. After a couple false starts, though, she gets it together, and we head over to the Blue kitchen just in time to watch Clemenza upend a pot of sauce all over the front of his body, then spend a ton of time scrubbing his jacket in the bathroom sink instead of prepping.

Gordon will not appreciate such a blatant act of defiance.

Everyone in the Red kitchen thinks that Barbie is taking way too long to clean the mussels. Three guesses as to whether or not Barbie cares in the least what anyone thinks. She’s been scrubbing them for two and a half hours so far, she’s not done, and she hasn’t done anything else, leaving the rest of the work to her other teammates. Now I do like Barbie, but I’d be pissed as well if I was on her team. When Barbie takes a smoke break, Christina jumps onto the mussels to speed things up. Clemenza is still scrubbing out his jacket 45 minutes later, and everyone on Blue is pissed at him.

Tiffany has undercooked the potatoes, and this is a point of contention between her and Dana, with Tiffany being in the totally unconcerned corner. Robyn thinks her molded salad rocks, and it is very pretty and colorful, but yeah, it sort of looks like something you’d buy at Ron Jon. Everyone puts their dishes to the pass, and Gordon puts on his judgment pants.

Things look bad right out of the gate. Gordon says the Red team’s mussels look awful and the salad is bad. The flatbread is good, though, as is Dana’s halibut and Kimmie’s ribeye with fancily named barbecue sauce. This lifts their spirits a bit, and they rush to make adjustments to their dishes.

Gordon moves on to the Blue team’s dishes, and wastes no time pointing out the 80s vibe he gets from Robyn’s dish. Justin gets all smug about it, which I’d be okay with, except for the rattail. Trim that bitch down, and then we’ll talk. The Carpaccio is unseasoned, and the steak au poivre has too many onions. The quail is the worst, though—it’s RAWR, for one thing, and has a giant shard of bone in it.

Clemenza screwed up that quail to hell and back, but hey, that jacket is sparkling clean!

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

BlueCanary is as unorthodox a blend of optimistic and bitter, laid-back and anxious, motivated and straight up lazy tas one is likely to meet outside an unspecified institution. She spent the past decade holding a variety of job titles, including reporter, tech writer, production manager, and administrative assistant (the go-to job in this economy for folks who just HAD to get that English degree). She is currently living under the tiny yet powerful thumb of an awesome, pint-sized little dude, who wets himself and can't form full sentences (read: stay at home mom). Another tyrannical little thumb is gestating in her womb. She is a regular on The Neutral Corner podcast and blogs at www.mamamuzzle.com. 

Blue's as-yet-unpublished YA novel, The Nature of Echoes, is currently a Quarterfinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. If you'd like to check it out, a free excerpt is available to download at http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Echoes-ABNA-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3XFQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363378599&sr=1-1&keywords=eva+gibson+abna.

18 Comments

  1. 1
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Kimmie, Kimmie, Kimme. Geez, girl, grow a pair. How is it that she can get all in your face confrontational, yet she’s scared of challenges? She keeps offering to sit out then stands on the sidelines muttering about how she could have done better. Then stop sitting out!

    I love how nothing fazes Barbie. Call her names,get in her face, and she just keeps on rolling. The drama never seems to affect her food, which is the mark of a solid chef.

    And Tiffany is just nasty. Please let me NEVER eat anywhere she’s worked. Or eaten. Or been anywhere near.

  2. 2
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Fun fact: my local Walmart sells sunchokes. Raw, they make as passable substitute for water chestnuts.

  3. 3
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    When is competitive eating going to be an Olympic sport? Joey Chestnut represents everything that is wrong with America according to the protesters who gathered when he came to my town to compete against frat boys in a hamburger-eating contest at a local university sponsored by a regional fast food chain headquartered in the area. He stood for the wastefulness of capitalism and the social injustice against the struggle of starving masses in exploited, underdeveloped nations. I decided right then that he is my most favorite athlete in the whole world, and it pisses me off that he was not shown the same level of respect and adoration in Hell’s Kitchen that was lavished on David Beckham.

  4. 4
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    But, but, but….it was David (cue rainbows and unicorns) Beckham! Even lesbians think he’s hot!

  5. 5
    michkabibbles
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    @crankyguy-i don’t really understand the reasoning that eating competitions are an american mark of overconsumption-wasn’t there a while when all the champions were skinny japanese guys?

    i have to say i love the faces that barbie makes. she’s so expressive of her complete derision of every other person there.

  6. 6
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    @ michkabibbles, pound for pound, that skinny Japanese dude is a greater champion than even my beloved Joey Chestnut. I was just relating what the protesters said, but I never claimed that they made any sense. They may have been associated with some radical vegetarian group, and possibly it was the hamburgers that set them off.

  7. 7
    michkabibbles
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    @crankyguy-i definitely got the sarcasm in your post! :) i just didn’t understand the general public mentality relating eating contests to american materialism. especially since the japanese can outeat us all. i watched a hot dog eating contest on tv once, and saw a bit on someones training regimen (i hate to keep using the term skinny japanese guy, but i don’t remember his name)-it was kind of intense.
    i don’t eat a lot of beef myself, but i can well understand how the smell could cause a riot.

    the most wings i’ve ever eating in one sitting is 20, which i consider pretty good considering i had carbs for lunch that day.

  8. 8
    Leto
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    The mussels thing with barbie would have pissed me of too, BUT it better be no frakking sand inside those, unless she’d like to be burned by Gordon. She was right to do it right rather than fast. The smoke break was a little too much though.

    Kimmie’s lack of self confidence is really worse and worse, that’s too bad for her.

    Christina is definetly my pony right now. And Dana still reminds me of Nellie Oleson. That woman scares me. Tiffany still is digusting, Robyn still is a crazy bitch, Brian still is funny, and Clemenza still is messy. Justin is getting annoying though, I hope he won’t fill the vacant “douchebag” seat Royce just left.

    And I really don’t get the eating competitions. Not against, just don’t get the point of it.^^

  9. 9
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    If Tiffany keeps making the face she did in the first photo of her, we should make her the mascot of Gordon Ramsay Pork!

  10. 10
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    It was sooooo weird watching Tiffany and Ramsey to that ‘passion play’ at the end there. I paraphrase:

    ‘I’m so PASSIONATE about the food! I am so PASSIONATE about winning this and working for you-u-u!’ sniffle sniffle sob sob

    ‘I know you are but you just aren’t there yet!’ Ramsey responds gently

    When ALL we’ve seen from Tiffany when Gordon isn’t looking (and even sometimes when he is) is ‘I don’t give a shit, whatever’.

    That whole last moment was such a disconnect.

    Side note: Is there some curse upon the name ‘Clemenza’? Because every real or fictional person I’ve ever seen named ‘Clemenza’ has been an enormous mouthbreather. I don’t hate them for that, it’s just a weird observation.

    Great recap.

  11. 11
    annie Annie
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    lmfao at that first picture of Tiffany! I can’t even finish reading the rest without making a comment!

    hahah Im cracking up over here

  12. 12
    Pikey
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    “Tiffany says the eggplant is green beans, but mentions that it tastes more like soggy diaper.” This is a great line, don’t get me wrong. But I would love to know (well, not really) how Tiffany knows what a soggy diaper tastes like…

    Still on team Barbie and Justin – would love to see Robyn leave next.

    Thanks again for the great recaps!!

  13. 13
    Samantha
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 6:15 am

    I’m actually rooting for Justin/Brian’s bromance. They seriously crack me up! I guess we can call them Brustin.

    I used to be a huge Kimmie fan but she needs to get a backbone and quit the bitching.

    I say the top two will be Justin (who is obviously a serious contender considering these past 2 episodes we actually got to see him talk) and Christina.

    Dana annoys me because she always looks high, and don’t even get me started on Robyn! Seeing her face just makes my stomach turn.

  14. 14
    NateB
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Anyone else notice throughout the season that everytime shes in the interview room, Dana is yelling? Whats with that?

  15. 15
    kloewent
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 11:17 am

    why is it on cooking shows that really fat guys are always slobs?? Have seen it repeatedly on here, Top Chef, etc. They always seem covered in crap and their workstations are filthy. ICK!!!

  16. 16
    SuburBint
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 11:42 am

    @ Andyourlittledogtoo — Tiffany totally cares! She cares a great big whopping 9 out of ten.

    Kinda makes you wonder how she handles the things she only cares a 5 or 6 about…. That girl can half-ass doing something half-assed.

  17. 17
    LAC LAC
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 11:46 am

    Ok, I am weird – I find Justin, rat tail included, kind of cute. I guess it is just the wall of fugly that I am being hit with on this show this season.

  18. 18
    Samantha
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    @LAC you’re not the only one. I find Justin surprisingly cute. But the rat tail has got to go!

    Brian would be cute if he wasn’t so weird.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.