There’s a country mile of semen on that bedspread. I wish I could pretend it’s just the leavings of one very enthusiastic and prolific guy…but you know it’s not. You just know in your bones it’s the crusty remains of many hotel guests, likely going back generations. Bleggggggggh. Gordon isn’t about to lie down on it, and whips out a sleeping bag.
He cocoons in his bag, but still rests his head on the pillow. CHECK THE PILLOW, GORDON, GOD. Then he realizes he forgot to turn off the light.
The next morning it’s shower time, but we’re going to have to content ourselves with the panty shot from last night, because no bum today, just those same blurry, designer underpants hitting the bath mat. The shower itself is tiny, and the showerhead is about two feet below Gordon’s head. He says it’s like showering at Danny Devito’s house.
Danny Devito is always the default brunt of the short man jokes.
He heads downstairs and makes Alyce, Kenny, and Karen face the wrath of the collective guests. We know how this goes, and they just unload on them about the clogged drains, bugs, low showerheads, and crappy mattresses. Of course, no one would stay again. Then Gordon leaves the guests and takes the three to see his semen-crusted bedspread. Even Kenny is shocked, and Karen looks like she’s about to cry. Kenny makes a blanket apology to the camera, I guess hoping to stave off lawsuits.
$18 for a 3D movie, and this is what we get?
At long last, it’s time to make some improvements. The first order of business is to scour that bitch from rooftop to floorboards. Gordon takes the horrible bedspreads to a dry cleaner and tells them to wash it on the extra strong cycle. He also warns them to be careful. I’d have personally taken care of those with some gasoline and matches, and headed to the Milford Wal Mart for some new bedding, but I guess budget constraints didn’t allow for that. Gordon approves of the cleaning job going on at the Inn, so he descends upon the kitchen. Immediately, he finds a bunch of nitpicky post-its and notes around, forbidding the staff from using pens and cookies and stuff under threat of termination. What an asshole. Kenny says he doesn’t like being taken advantage of, and Gordon tells him he needs to communicate and understand his staff, and get to their level. He says he thinks they should rise to his level.
So he’s an asshole AND an egomaniac. Got it.
Gordon rigs up the whole hidden camera meeting trick he uses in Kitchen Nightmares, wherein Kenny watches a staff meeting over live video feed. The staff doesn’t know he can see and hear them, so they let loose but good. Gordon brings out that cookie jar, which hilariously looks emptier than when he found it. I hope to god Gordon has been openly munching on them in between takes. Ann Marie says they call the notes “Kenny’s nastygrams,” and they all think it’s degrading. They also think he’s passive-aggressive and afraid of confrontation. Karen says the problem is that the staff is discouraged, and not really motivated to do their best work when the boss acts like a prick. She said it nicer than I did, but Kenny is still very upset. It seems sincere, though—he actually feels bad that they feel that way, because he considers some of them his closest friends. Gordon brings Kenny in and he blows his cover and apologizes. It’s real enough, and he does seem contrite, so maybe there’s hope. Gordon points out everyone’s strengths and tells them what they need to do to brings all their best traits to the job. Kenny’s job is to back to fuck off. Everyone has hopes that he will actually change.