The next day, Gordon tries to talk to John again and tells him to stop acting like a child and take responsibility for his business. He then sends him back to cook for him. GORDON. Check that food, friend, there’ll be a stray hair in it at least. John flat out says he doesn’t want to cook for Gordon. The shrimp cocktail comes out watery and nasty, and gets sent right back. Gordon’s frozen salmon is horrible, and he sends Mariah back with that, too. John wants Gordon to fall into a deep pit and never come out again. I think this dude has serious problems, and I bet anything he wasn’t the one to call the show for help.
Gordon orders a soft-boiled egg, just to test John’s chef skills, and of course it’s totally RAWR. The rest of the dining room at least gets a good laugh, as Gordon bangs his fists and head against the table. John wants to boot him out, and things don’t get any better when Gordon joins him in the kitchen to confront him. He just gets snide, though, and Gordon tells him he’s just a joke in a chef hat, serving crappy food. John tells us these are fighting words, especially in a kitchen full of knives. Jeeeeeezus! What the hell is wrong with this guy? Dude, if you stab Gordon Ramsay, you will feel the wrath of at least two TVgasm recappers. PopePhilly and I will bring the NoVA wrath; we’ll bring it, I tell you. Gordon tells him he can’t deal with the truth and is ruining his wife’s life. John doesn’t even care, and he doesn’t care if Gordon walks, either.
Rarely do eggs upset a person to this degree.
Gordon wakes on the couch the next morning wrapped in his sleeping bag. He said he couldn’t sleep in the bed but doesn’t say why. It’s possible it was too dusty after Gordon shook the fake flower arrangement all over it, so he really only has himself to blame. He hops in the shower aaaand BUM!
Happy season finale, folks!
The water’s cold, so he’s probably cranky right off the bat and unwilling to take any more shit off John. Gordon takes him and Tina to his room for the guest feedback. They all think the place is dated, the food is horrible and overpriced, and nope, no return guests. Tina is contrite and surprised. They both thought they were better than that, which I don’t get, since they haven’t made any money in ages. Then Gordon brings out the blacklight, and we discover why he wouldn’t even sleep in that bed: because it’s a glowing nightmare of spunk-crusted pillows, sheets, and mattress.
Ugh, no. I don’t even want to imagine.