Gordon goes to bed, girding his loins for the work ahead of him. And speaking of Gordon’s loins, what are we treated to come morning? The man himself, stepping in the claw foot tub for a soak, his giant legs hanging over the edge and into the breeze. His ass cheeks and backball and such were pixilated, but at least one cameraman got quite the show. My toddler summed this scene up nicely, and way more innocently that I would: “Hey, Gordon take a bubble bath!”
Indeed, he is.
After soaking his hide for a bit, Gordon collects Robert and his scary, foreign partner Ari and takes them upstairs to be ambushed by a new crowd: a group of customers who are actually paying to stay there. I’m sure it wasn’t hard to convince them to gather in the Ramsay Suite. Gordon wants them to let Robert and Ari know exactly what a stay at Juniper Hill is like. None of it’s good, in case you were wondering: there was confusion checking in, what with the blocked door and lack of staff and signs, the place didn’t meet expectations, and the super expensive rooms were cold enough to require space heaters. Ari breaks in at this point and insists the rooms he checked were like saunas, which maybe they were if you happen to be from FINLAND, which is one of the snowier countries on earth. Also, when he speaks he sounds rude and his tone is off-putting. To be fair, I think he just sounds like that all the time, but the guests don’t appreciate paying $700 to be snapped at by a stone-faced Finn.
None of the guests would return under the current conditions, and that’s really the bottom line. Then Gordon pulls his trump card: Steve Tallon, a professional hotel inspector. Steve basically tells them that the place is not up to snuff. No greetings, a joke of a bar, and everything except the hospitality gets a big fat failure on the scorecard. Robert says they take these comments very seriously and their ultimate goal is to please people, but you could’ve fooled me. It seems more like their goal has been to live as decadent a lifestyle as possible while expending the minimum amount of work and commitment to funding it.
At least Robert is responding well to criticism, but Gordon is unhappy with Ari’s cold, Scandinavian demeanor. He ushers the guests out, and wants to know why Ari is so resentful. Turns out, owning an inn is not exactly Ari’s dream, and he’d really prefer it if everyone went away and he and Robert just lived in that house alone with the pigs and the poodle. Well, he’s on his way to just that, so congrats. Also, you really should’ve had this discussion before sinking a cool million into a business you never really wanted to run, don’t you think? Gordon tells them they need to sit down together and reconsider their future in hospitality.