Last week we watched Gordon rescue a Vermont hotel from its hoarding, lunatic proprietors, and now he’s back, hoping to give the same treatment to a different retreat. The Cambridge Hotel in upstate New York is supposedly haunted by the ghost of Alice, a child who I’m sure would be absolutely adorable if she wasn’t an entirely creepy specter.
Danny, come and play with us!
She allegedly “lives” on the third floor of The Cambridge, but she’s really not the issue at all. This place has been open for almost 150 years, and is now owned by John, an ex-military man-turned-lawyer. His big inspiration for buying the thing in the first place was that he wanted to have a place to take his wife to a nice dinner. So….the logic follows to buy and operate a hotel? Do they not have an Applebee’s in town? His wife, Tina, admits that she doesn’t know what the hell they were thinking, and he must have mentioned his batshit idea to her in a weak moment, because what she thought sounded like a good idea at the time she knows is now a living nightmare. Neither of them has any hospitality experience whatsoever. Of course they don’t. But do they have any laundering experience? Because you don’t need a degree in hotel management to know that you need to change the fucking sheets once in a blue moon, and make sure the fresh ones aren’t covered in clumps of hair. It’s not difficult. I hear you can even hire some poor undocumented Guatemalan to do that shit for like $3 an hour.
John never intended to be a hands-on owner, but it seems his control-freak nature (or what I’m assuming is control-freak nature, even this early in) compels him to be there almost every day and send 70 emails a day to poor chef Rich. Rich and manager Brittany inform us that John doesn’t give the staff any control and is always up their asses, hindering their creativity and productivity. The place has become an obsession, and according to Tina, John is so fixated that he wants to sink every last one of his lawyer dollars into the place. She’s not on board with that anymore, probably because they’re $750,000 in debt and in danger of losing their home. I can see her side. In true ex-military fashion, John insists failure is not an option, and he will neither go bankrupt nor give up the hotel. I guess his plan is just to careen headlong down the same disastrous path that led him here in the first place, but luckily for him, Fox created Hotel Hell, and are sending Gordon to whip the place into shape.
Or try, anyway.
Gordon is impressed with the grandeur of the place, and is greeted by Brittany, who informs us that she’s sure he’ll immediately see the place is fucked. However, she gamely tells him all about Alice. He scoffs, but the old pictures seem to freak him out a bit. I want to know what kind of haunting this is. Does the kid just rustle the curtains and creak a floorboard here and there, or does she appear over the guest beds and morph into a shrieking horror, like the librarian ghost in Ghostbusters? They even have the entire third floor roped off and inaccessible to guests, because that’s where the haunting supposedly occurs. I really want Gordon to hit that third floor at some point.