Hotel Hell Recap: Scooter!

Recaps

By BlueCanary | Wednesday, August 22, 2012 | 12:00 pm | 20 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Hotel Hell, Recaps

Gordon observes business that evening, and what he observes consists mostly of John being anal retentive, doing all sort of random work, from answering the phone, to vacuuming, to filling ice bins, none of which are jobs an owner needs to deal with.

“I’ve always wanted to be a busboy; it’s why I bought this hotel! Well, that and dinner.”

I have to give him credit: at least he has a work ethic. But he doesn’t really know what he’s doing, and they’re actually jobs that no one person should collectively deal with—there should be separate staff for the kitchen stuff and the phone, for instance. Gordon says it’s ruining the vibe. He then sits down for dinner and is waited on by fanboy Philip, who is literally sweating in anticipation of meeting Gordon.

Ew.

John thinks Gordon will love the food. Yes, Gordon always loves boil-in-a-bag pork that’s stone cold in the middle. It’s the cornerstone of his successful culinary career.

He likes it so much, he’s saving this bite for later!

He makes people touch it, as per usual, and sends it back. And we get to meet Scooter! Poor, adorable, geeky prep cook Scooter, who’s sick of cooking in the microwave and serving up shitty “sous-vide” bags of slop. Seems someone actually has ambitions that extend beyond being a prep cook, and I’m sure he’d appreciate the practice using an oven and stove.

Give this boy some real work to do!

Do these people in charge of the food not know? That premade stuff is bachelor food, at best. And the pie, which is apparently the signature dish of the place, is a nightmare according to all the diners Gordon is polling. That shit gets served to him straight from the microwave, and is filled with RAWR apples. RAWR! John is worried that Rich will take things personally and freak out when Gordon hands him his own ass. I advise Rich to brace himself, maybe on one of those wall curtain rods.

Gordon heads to the back for some ass-handing, and wants to know why everything is in a bag. Is it because Rich can’t cook, or because he’s lazy? Rich says he designed the whole menu to be cost effective and able to be prepared whether he’s there or not, but problem is that means the whole thing just sucks. Gordon accuses him of being lazy again, and Rich tells us that if Gordon says that one more time, there will be a problem.

Oh please, Gordon. Say it one more time.

Gordon tells him he can’t call himself an executive chef when he serves a store-bought menu. John typically tells us that he knows things seem bad, but he’s sure he’s doing all the right things to run the place. Oh, okay. That must be why you’re losing all your money—because you’re doing the right things.

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BlueCanary is as unorthodox a blend of optimistic and bitter, laid-back and anxious, motivated and straight up lazy tas one is likely to meet outside an unspecified institution. She spent the past decade holding a variety of job titles, including reporter, tech writer, production manager, and administrative assistant (the go-to job in this economy for folks who just HAD to get that English degree). She is currently living under the tiny yet powerful thumb of an awesome, pint-sized little dude, who wets himself and can't form full sentences (read: stay at home mom). Another tyrannical little thumb is gestating in her womb. She is a regular on The Neutral Corner podcast and blogs at www.mamamuzzle.com. 

Blue's as-yet-unpublished YA novel, The Nature of Echoes, is currently a Quarterfinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. If you'd like to check it out, a free excerpt is available to download at http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Echoes-ABNA-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3XFQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363378599&sr=1-1&keywords=eva+gibson+abna.

20 Comments

  1. 1
    spababe
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Good re-cap. I was sorry to hear that the hotel was foreclosed on. I hope that Gordon does help Scooter.

  2. 2
    kloewent
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    It was so funny that Rich kept saying the food was “sous-vide” and cooked to order when it was just boiled in a bag! I guess he thought he would impress Gordon with his fancy cooking skills. The other thing that made me laugh was the wife chowing down on the pie while Gordon when on about what crap it was!!! It did look gross, more like apple crumble than pie. And undercooked apples, come on! The ice cream was probably some grocery store no name ice cream too. I wish they had explained about the inventing of Pie ala Mode. How do you determine you were the first one to ever do it?

  3. 3
    cherryred
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    The daughter w/the $25k on the credit cards is the girlfriend/fiance of the chef, not the student.

  4. 4
    cherryred
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    http://blog.timesunion.com/tablehopping/30946/cambridge-hotel-in-foreclosure-due-to-be-auctioned/

    For it to be foreclosed and sold in June, it had to be in near foreclosure when Gordon was there. It’s a shame something so beautiful has been treated so badly.

  5. 5
    BlueCanary
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    @cherryred: Did I mix the two up? Crap. Thanks for the correction! You’re right, I just watched that clip again, and Shay isn’t the student. The student gave the 10k, but we don’t get her name. Still, that’s a student with $10k to lend. Good for her.

    And yeah, the sous-vide thing cracked me up–call it whatever fancy french name you want, but it’s still meat cooked in a plastic bag.

  6. 6
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    @BlueCanary You are in the zone today!

    “sprightly round of anal” is the very 1st cocktail I ever invented. Guaro and pineapple juice. With a splash of pomegranate. In a little sherry glass with a split kumquat stuck on.

    And There’s a difference between sounding positive and sounding full of crap went straight into my inspirational quotes file. So thanks x2! And some more for making me ROFL so much.

    I hope Scooter Bread turns up in all the stores. And Scooter Cake!

  7. 7
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Scooter pie.

    Wow. That sounds dirty.

  8. 8
    Hol
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Haha. Just started watching and have to say that is about the cheesiest title sequence I’ve seen in a long time

  9. 9
    BlueCanary
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    @krhxbai, I can’t take credit for the full of crap sentence–that’s a direct quote from Gordon. But the sprightly anal was all me. :)

  10. 10
    WishICouldDance
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Amen, sister, on the Scooter Show!! Love that kid!!

    GREAT recap! I’m wondering if we get to see nekkid Gordon in each episode?

    I felt so badly for the wife. I would probably left his controlling ass a LONG time before it got this bad. She just seemed so ashamed and worn out. She, the money loaning daughters and the cute little manager are the ones I feel badly for with the closing. And I’d say Scooter but… Yeah!! He’s doing great and on his way to paying back that loaf of bread!! Go Scooter!!!

  11. 11
    annie Annie
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    everytime I feel bad about my $60K student loan debt, I watch these show and suddenly things don’t seem too horrible…..WTF over $700,000 in debt? what the hell are they thinking?

    And yes, what’s with the Pie A-la-mode? Some backstory would been good. But that pie chillin’ next to some coleslaw lookin’ shit in the fridge with no plastic wrap sure didn’t help matters much.

  12. 12
    Unwise
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    “A sprightly round of anal”- the funniest 5 words I’ve ever seen in print.

    Gordon is tall but I find it so funny that he talks to nearly everyone who is shorter than him hunched over with his hands on his knees. It is oddly effective as a motivator though it seems.

    Great recap! You’re awesome!

  13. 13
    SuburBint
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Do we know what branch of the military John served in? I’m guessing he was a Marine as they tend towards bull-headed persistence towards their goal regardless of the reality of their situation. Which is a good thing in a battle scenario; not so much when it comes to the hotel business.

  14. 14
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 12:53 am

    I choked on my juice hearing how much money these people sunk into that hotel. And all the money they borrowed from that student girl! I just finished being a student and I wish I had $10k to lend someone. I don’t think I’ve ever had that much money at one time in my life. She has to be a student by day and a drug kingpin/ legendary stripper/ sugar baby/ trophy wife by night because I just don’t see how that’s possible otherwise.
    It’s such a sad hot mess that they lost the business, because how will they pay back all that money?

    And the whole situation doesn’t make any sense. Like who the fuck buys a hotel because he wants dinner? He knows he was lying about that. And for Tina’s part, I call shenanigans on her moment of weakness excuse. Buying a hotel is not like buying a candybar….there’s a process involved. She had ample time to pump her brakes. I’m interested to know why they really bought it.

    I loved that Gordon loved Scooter. He was just so adorable to me, and I can’t even explain why.
    If you’re reading this Scooter, call me! I want to marry you and eat all your baked goods. I’d also support a Scooter reality show.

  15. 15
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 1:32 am

    @BlueCanary It was? You’re the 1 that made it memorable anyway. I just want people to start going into bars and asking for a sprightly round of anal. Then we’ll know for sure you got famous!

    @Annie I wondered about that too. Wikipedia says that’s where it was 1st discovered though. So it must be true.

  16. 16
    WishICouldDance
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 3:52 am

    Cherryred!!! Oh my gosh! Thanks for posting the link to the article. It gave a good bit more info on investors (does that include his kids?) and the history of the place. The best part was… There was a link on the page to a story bout a man in China who had his penis stolen while he slept! How did I miss this news? I would have remembered hearing about this, wouldn’t I? Dang! Thanks for helping me feel better informed about current events, Cherry! ; D

  17. 17
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 6:25 am

    I think I’m going to name my ska band A Sprightly Round of Anal. That way, when we play it bars, the sign will say, “A Sprightly Round of Anal with [other band playin].”

    I’m with you on the door locking paranoia. My apartment building requires a key to get inside, but I lock my front door as well as my bedroom door at night…just in case. Luckily, I don’t have enough closet space for anyone to crouch inside BTK style. :)

    Great job, as always!

  18. 18
    unwise
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 7:10 am

    Article about Scooter!!

    http://blog.timesunion.com/tablehopping/32727/chatting-with-scooter-about-ramsay-hotel-hell-and-scholarship/

  19. 19
    WishICouldDance
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Thanks a bunch for posting that, unwise. Great article about a great guy!

  20. 20
    Unwise
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    No problem! I think we all loved Scooter. :)

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