Hotel Hell Recap: Scooter!

Recaps

By BlueCanary | Wednesday, August 22, 2012 | 12:00 pm | 20 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Hotel Hell, Recaps

Gordon drags Tina aside so he can hear some logic for the first time all day. She tells him that John is good at being a lawyer, but sucks donkey balls when it comes to the hotel. He also never listens to her and doesn’t let her have any input, not even when it comes to losing their own house. Apparently John is in it with that hotel until the last penny is gone. So what that really tells me is he’s just being a stubborn asshole, because that attitude isn’t productive or a recipe for success—it’s just obsessive and stupid. Tina is yelling a lot, but she doesn’t seem like a bitch; on the contrary, she seems like the lone voice of reason.

Rich says one of the problems is that he and Brittany aren’t allowed to make decisions and have to run everything they do by John, but John claims that he doesn’t make decisions—he tells them to do things, but vaguely. Like he told Rich to cut the food costs, but then left it to him to do that, without supervising the process or approving the result. Brittany denies she’s able to make decisions, and John starts yelling at her. Gordon jumps right in, though, and turns it back on John. He still denies that he has any control. So…is Alice running the place?

Yes. Yes, she is.

Gordon screams that John needs to change his ways before he loses everything. Tina laments that she’s been dealing with this bullshit for 20 years, and John illustrates just how punchable his face is when he asks her innocently why she seems so glum. Not for nothing, but I’d be glum too if my husband’s head was perpetually jammed up his own ass.

Gordon flops down on the bed in his Laura Ashley room, and immediately breaks the goddamn bedframe. Classy. In the morning, he makes everyone assemble in his room, where he’s gathered all the paying guests, just like he did in the last episode. Their complaints range from uncomfortable beds, hairy towels, and broken door locks. None of them would pay to stay another night. And Gordon points out what’s probably one of the more serious security issues I’ve ever heard: the front door remains unlocked at night, there’s no nightshift porter or workers, and the desk is completely unsecured. There are duplicates of everyone’s room keys right out in the open, along with their identifying information and credit card numbers. So basically anyone can walk in at two in the morning and access any room in the place, or steal a bunch of identities, if they’re so inclined. John and Tina say they haven’t locked the front door in about two years. No. No, I just can’t. I can’t even walk to get the mail without locking my front door, for fear someone will slip in and crouch in my closet, BTK style, and wait until I return to murder me and my entire family. Yes, I’m paranoid and I need help. Why do you ask?

But hey, at least the availability of room keys renders those broken room locks moot.

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BlueCanary is as unorthodox a blend of optimistic and bitter, laid-back and anxious, motivated and straight up lazy tas one is likely to meet outside an unspecified institution. She spent the past decade holding a variety of job titles, including reporter, tech writer, production manager, and administrative assistant (the go-to job in this economy for folks who just HAD to get that English degree). She is currently living under the tiny yet powerful thumb of an awesome, pint-sized little dude, who wets himself and can't form full sentences (read: stay at home mom). Another tyrannical little thumb is gestating in her womb. She is a regular on The Neutral Corner podcast and blogs at www.mamamuzzle.com. 

Blue's as-yet-unpublished YA novel, The Nature of Echoes, is currently a Quarterfinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. If you'd like to check it out, a free excerpt is available to download at http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Echoes-ABNA-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3XFQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363378599&sr=1-1&keywords=eva+gibson+abna.

20 Comments

  1. 1
    spababe
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Good re-cap. I was sorry to hear that the hotel was foreclosed on. I hope that Gordon does help Scooter.

  2. 2
    kloewent
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    It was so funny that Rich kept saying the food was “sous-vide” and cooked to order when it was just boiled in a bag! I guess he thought he would impress Gordon with his fancy cooking skills. The other thing that made me laugh was the wife chowing down on the pie while Gordon when on about what crap it was!!! It did look gross, more like apple crumble than pie. And undercooked apples, come on! The ice cream was probably some grocery store no name ice cream too. I wish they had explained about the inventing of Pie ala Mode. How do you determine you were the first one to ever do it?

  3. 3
    cherryred
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    The daughter w/the $25k on the credit cards is the girlfriend/fiance of the chef, not the student.

  4. 4
    cherryred
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    http://blog.timesunion.com/tablehopping/30946/cambridge-hotel-in-foreclosure-due-to-be-auctioned/

    For it to be foreclosed and sold in June, it had to be in near foreclosure when Gordon was there. It’s a shame something so beautiful has been treated so badly.

  5. 5
    BlueCanary
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    @cherryred: Did I mix the two up? Crap. Thanks for the correction! You’re right, I just watched that clip again, and Shay isn’t the student. The student gave the 10k, but we don’t get her name. Still, that’s a student with $10k to lend. Good for her.

    And yeah, the sous-vide thing cracked me up–call it whatever fancy french name you want, but it’s still meat cooked in a plastic bag.

  6. 6
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    @BlueCanary You are in the zone today!

    “sprightly round of anal” is the very 1st cocktail I ever invented. Guaro and pineapple juice. With a splash of pomegranate. In a little sherry glass with a split kumquat stuck on.

    And There’s a difference between sounding positive and sounding full of crap went straight into my inspirational quotes file. So thanks x2! And some more for making me ROFL so much.

    I hope Scooter Bread turns up in all the stores. And Scooter Cake!

  7. 7
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Scooter pie.

    Wow. That sounds dirty.

  8. 8
    Hol
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Haha. Just started watching and have to say that is about the cheesiest title sequence I’ve seen in a long time

  9. 9
    BlueCanary
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    @krhxbai, I can’t take credit for the full of crap sentence–that’s a direct quote from Gordon. But the sprightly anal was all me. :)

  10. 10
    WishICouldDance
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Amen, sister, on the Scooter Show!! Love that kid!!

    GREAT recap! I’m wondering if we get to see nekkid Gordon in each episode?

    I felt so badly for the wife. I would probably left his controlling ass a LONG time before it got this bad. She just seemed so ashamed and worn out. She, the money loaning daughters and the cute little manager are the ones I feel badly for with the closing. And I’d say Scooter but… Yeah!! He’s doing great and on his way to paying back that loaf of bread!! Go Scooter!!!

  11. 11
    annie Annie
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    everytime I feel bad about my $60K student loan debt, I watch these show and suddenly things don’t seem too horrible…..WTF over $700,000 in debt? what the hell are they thinking?

    And yes, what’s with the Pie A-la-mode? Some backstory would been good. But that pie chillin’ next to some coleslaw lookin’ shit in the fridge with no plastic wrap sure didn’t help matters much.

  12. 12
    Unwise
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    “A sprightly round of anal”- the funniest 5 words I’ve ever seen in print.

    Gordon is tall but I find it so funny that he talks to nearly everyone who is shorter than him hunched over with his hands on his knees. It is oddly effective as a motivator though it seems.

    Great recap! You’re awesome!

  13. 13
    SuburBint
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    Do we know what branch of the military John served in? I’m guessing he was a Marine as they tend towards bull-headed persistence towards their goal regardless of the reality of their situation. Which is a good thing in a battle scenario; not so much when it comes to the hotel business.

  14. 14
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 12:53 am

    I choked on my juice hearing how much money these people sunk into that hotel. And all the money they borrowed from that student girl! I just finished being a student and I wish I had $10k to lend someone. I don’t think I’ve ever had that much money at one time in my life. She has to be a student by day and a drug kingpin/ legendary stripper/ sugar baby/ trophy wife by night because I just don’t see how that’s possible otherwise.
    It’s such a sad hot mess that they lost the business, because how will they pay back all that money?

    And the whole situation doesn’t make any sense. Like who the fuck buys a hotel because he wants dinner? He knows he was lying about that. And for Tina’s part, I call shenanigans on her moment of weakness excuse. Buying a hotel is not like buying a candybar….there’s a process involved. She had ample time to pump her brakes. I’m interested to know why they really bought it.

    I loved that Gordon loved Scooter. He was just so adorable to me, and I can’t even explain why.
    If you’re reading this Scooter, call me! I want to marry you and eat all your baked goods. I’d also support a Scooter reality show.

  15. 15
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 1:32 am

    @BlueCanary It was? You’re the 1 that made it memorable anyway. I just want people to start going into bars and asking for a sprightly round of anal. Then we’ll know for sure you got famous!

    @Annie I wondered about that too. Wikipedia says that’s where it was 1st discovered though. So it must be true.

  16. 16
    WishICouldDance
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 3:52 am

    Cherryred!!! Oh my gosh! Thanks for posting the link to the article. It gave a good bit more info on investors (does that include his kids?) and the history of the place. The best part was… There was a link on the page to a story bout a man in China who had his penis stolen while he slept! How did I miss this news? I would have remembered hearing about this, wouldn’t I? Dang! Thanks for helping me feel better informed about current events, Cherry! ; D

  17. 17
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 6:25 am

    I think I’m going to name my ska band A Sprightly Round of Anal. That way, when we play it bars, the sign will say, “A Sprightly Round of Anal with [other band playin].”

    I’m with you on the door locking paranoia. My apartment building requires a key to get inside, but I lock my front door as well as my bedroom door at night…just in case. Luckily, I don’t have enough closet space for anyone to crouch inside BTK style. :)

    Great job, as always!

  18. 18
    unwise
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 7:10 am

    Article about Scooter!!

    http://blog.timesunion.com/tablehopping/32727/chatting-with-scooter-about-ramsay-hotel-hell-and-scholarship/

  19. 19
    WishICouldDance
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Thanks a bunch for posting that, unwise. Great article about a great guy!

  20. 20
    Unwise
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    No problem! I think we all loved Scooter. :)

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