Gordon drags Tina aside so he can hear some logic for the first time all day. She tells him that John is good at being a lawyer, but sucks donkey balls when it comes to the hotel. He also never listens to her and doesn’t let her have any input, not even when it comes to losing their own house. Apparently John is in it with that hotel until the last penny is gone. So what that really tells me is he’s just being a stubborn asshole, because that attitude isn’t productive or a recipe for success—it’s just obsessive and stupid. Tina is yelling a lot, but she doesn’t seem like a bitch; on the contrary, she seems like the lone voice of reason.
Rich says one of the problems is that he and Brittany aren’t allowed to make decisions and have to run everything they do by John, but John claims that he doesn’t make decisions—he tells them to do things, but vaguely. Like he told Rich to cut the food costs, but then left it to him to do that, without supervising the process or approving the result. Brittany denies she’s able to make decisions, and John starts yelling at her. Gordon jumps right in, though, and turns it back on John. He still denies that he has any control. So…is Alice running the place?
Yes. Yes, she is.
Gordon screams that John needs to change his ways before he loses everything. Tina laments that she’s been dealing with this bullshit for 20 years, and John illustrates just how punchable his face is when he asks her innocently why she seems so glum. Not for nothing, but I’d be glum too if my husband’s head was perpetually jammed up his own ass.
Gordon flops down on the bed in his Laura Ashley room, and immediately breaks the goddamn bedframe. Classy. In the morning, he makes everyone assemble in his room, where he’s gathered all the paying guests, just like he did in the last episode. Their complaints range from uncomfortable beds, hairy towels, and broken door locks. None of them would pay to stay another night. And Gordon points out what’s probably one of the more serious security issues I’ve ever heard: the front door remains unlocked at night, there’s no nightshift porter or workers, and the desk is completely unsecured. There are duplicates of everyone’s room keys right out in the open, along with their identifying information and credit card numbers. So basically anyone can walk in at two in the morning and access any room in the place, or steal a bunch of identities, if they’re so inclined. John and Tina say they haven’t locked the front door in about two years. No. No, I just can’t. I can’t even walk to get the mail without locking my front door, for fear someone will slip in and crouch in my closet, BTK style, and wait until I return to murder me and my entire family. Yes, I’m paranoid and I need help. Why do you ask?
But hey, at least the availability of room keys renders those broken room locks moot.