Hotel Hell Recap: You Can’t Buy Good Taste

Recaps

By BlueCanary | Thursday, August 30, 2012 | 12:01 pm | 6 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Hotel Hell, Recaps

Gordon gives room service a try, but when he calls the listed number, he gets Christos again. Once he gets past the fact that the concierge has to take the order then call it into the kitchen instead of the customer calling the kitchen directly, he orders a to-MAH-to soup, a barbecue pizza, and a chicken parm slider. All the stuff gets delivered by a cute server girl who I’m sure had nothing to do with the to-go containers in which the room service food gets served. Seriously? Like people are going to order food delivered to their room and then leave with it? What a waste of money and plastic and cardboard. Mother Earth hates you, Eddie. Also, the soup serving is miniscule. Gordon puts it in a coffee cup, drinks it, and calls the server back to take the dirty cup. Asshole move, Gordon. The slider sucks, and the pizza barely gets touched. It’s what you get for ordering barbecue on pizza, Gordon—that’s just a poor choice in general. I think Gordon was more put off the boxes than anything else, and I do agree that’s bullshit. For what he’s paying per night, they should be serving on Wedgewood.

Gordon meets with Eddie and discovers he paid $6 million to buy the building and turn it into a hotel, despite the fact that he has no hotel experience whatsoever. There’s a fucking shocker. When Gordon starts to question his taste and everything else, we get to the heart of things: Eddie designed the place to be the ideal hotel FOR HIM. Not Gordon, not anyone else. So what he really did was buy himself a $6 million man cave. Gordon takes him through the room and points out everything that sucks: scuffed floors, wrinkly sheets, no sofa, take-out containers, bad food. Of course Eddie thinks the whole list is bullshit, because denial is the cornerstone of this series. Gordon advises him to stay a night in the place and see how far from the “dream hotel experience” it is. Eddie glares, but Gordon just perches on that tacky little chaise and gives him what for. Then he asks Eddie to send someone to clear “that dogshit meal” away. He knows Eddie isn’t taking this well, but I have yet to see Gordon give a rip about that sort of thing.

Eddie goes to give Sandra some shit about the wrinkly sheets, and she tells him he needs to buy one of those big sheet roller presser things that most hotels have. I don’t know, I guess Eddie was thinking she could just use a handheld iron? Gordon meets Sandra and then hangs out with Christos to hear what guests have to complain about. The list includes hair in the sheets, sand in the bed, and brothel-like décor—which Gordon can confirm firsthand is accurate, FYI. Gordon, you old whoremonger. Then a guest comes down to check on their room service order, for which they’ve been waiting 45 minutes. Gordon heads for the kitchen…which is in a fucking different building altogether, around the block. What the fuck. Turns out, that order was for a cheese plate, which is hardly requires intensive preparation. Gordon wants to know why it took 45 minutes to put three tiny pieces of cheese on plate, and Aaron the manager just doesn’t even know. He has no idea people have to wait, he says, and Gordon says that’s a sorry excuse for a manager.

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BlueCanary is as unorthodox a blend of optimistic and bitter, laid-back and anxious, motivated and straight up lazy tas one is likely to meet outside an unspecified institution. She spent the past decade holding a variety of job titles, including reporter, tech writer, production manager, and administrative assistant (the go-to job in this economy for folks who just HAD to get that English degree). She is currently living under the tiny yet powerful thumb of an awesome, pint-sized little dude, who wets himself and can't form full sentences (read: stay at home mom). Another tyrannical little thumb is gestating in her womb. She is a regular on The Neutral Corner podcast and blogs at www.mamamuzzle.com. 

Blue's as-yet-unpublished YA novel, The Nature of Echoes, is currently a Quarterfinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. If you'd like to check it out, a free excerpt is available to download at http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Echoes-ABNA-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3XFQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363378599&sr=1-1&keywords=eva+gibson+abna.

6 Comments

  1. 1
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    “call 911 and tries to keep Brian alive with wet towels and profanity. ”

    Ah, wet towels and profanity. That’s advanced medicine right there.

  2. 2
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Wet towels and profanity. I love that. :)

    Not that I’m complaining or anything, but is Gordon going to strip naked and take a bath on every show in this series? Because it seems to be a pattern here. A very nice pattern, but still….

    Form over function doesn’t even cover what was wrong with this hotel. I loved the placement of the TV with the little lunch counter/desk shelf. Yeah, that spells luxury. I wonder that his ‘guests’ haven’t strung him up over his bright red hotel lobby long before this at $700 + per night. I guess he’s banking on the fact that people who can afford to book a hotel that expensive aren’t prone to violent outbursts to resolve their problems.

  3. 3
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 1:59 am

    You did a much better job on this recap than Gordon did on this episode.

    They must not give Gordon much budget for this show. For a place with that much fug I’d expect him to fix more than 1 room and the lobby. And just a better show.

    But I guess the 2 part premiere would be hard to top.

    It was Ari from Beverly Hills Nannies that ordered the cheese plate. She and Barry are in the restaurant at the beginning too.

  4. 4
    eyediosmio Eyediosmio
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Well I am not surprised he only did one room, the show can only afford to spend so much $$$ and like you said, thousands went in to getting that red color out.

    I am ALL ABOUT hotel living, I love nothing more than paying too much for a hotel room, ordering in breakfast room service and lounging around in a big fluffy bed. NOTHING about that room would make me want to do that, simply a function of a bed to sleep in, not a room to vacation in. Ugh. And doesnt the color red make people anxious? Horrible design.

  5. 5
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Why would anybody expect the show to redo more than one room? The redo of the lobby was the hotel owner’s payment for letting the hotel be on TV, and the redo of one room was just a model of what could be done in the rest of the hotel if the owner so decides. If the show had to spend more money to redo a place than Gordo gets paid for an episode, then I imagine we would have a very unhappy Gordo, and they have to keep their star happy.

  6. 6
    WishICouldDance
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    The old hippie was cute but… What a graceful swoon!! Wet towels and profanity were probably the right treatment!

    And I just don’t think I could have handled all that red. I am all about red – as an accent!!! That looked like the elevators from the Shining opened up and spewed!! I swear, I started mumbling “redrum” when they first showed the lobby – yikes!

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