Gordon gives room service a try, but when he calls the listed number, he gets Christos again. Once he gets past the fact that the concierge has to take the order then call it into the kitchen instead of the customer calling the kitchen directly, he orders a to-MAH-to soup, a barbecue pizza, and a chicken parm slider. All the stuff gets delivered by a cute server girl who I’m sure had nothing to do with the to-go containers in which the room service food gets served. Seriously? Like people are going to order food delivered to their room and then leave with it? What a waste of money and plastic and cardboard. Mother Earth hates you, Eddie. Also, the soup serving is miniscule. Gordon puts it in a coffee cup, drinks it, and calls the server back to take the dirty cup. Asshole move, Gordon. The slider sucks, and the pizza barely gets touched. It’s what you get for ordering barbecue on pizza, Gordon—that’s just a poor choice in general. I think Gordon was more put off the boxes than anything else, and I do agree that’s bullshit. For what he’s paying per night, they should be serving on Wedgewood.
Gordon meets with Eddie and discovers he paid $6 million to buy the building and turn it into a hotel, despite the fact that he has no hotel experience whatsoever. There’s a fucking shocker. When Gordon starts to question his taste and everything else, we get to the heart of things: Eddie designed the place to be the ideal hotel FOR HIM. Not Gordon, not anyone else. So what he really did was buy himself a $6 million man cave. Gordon takes him through the room and points out everything that sucks: scuffed floors, wrinkly sheets, no sofa, take-out containers, bad food. Of course Eddie thinks the whole list is bullshit, because denial is the cornerstone of this series. Gordon advises him to stay a night in the place and see how far from the “dream hotel experience” it is. Eddie glares, but Gordon just perches on that tacky little chaise and gives him what for. Then he asks Eddie to send someone to clear “that dogshit meal” away. He knows Eddie isn’t taking this well, but I have yet to see Gordon give a rip about that sort of thing.
Eddie goes to give Sandra some shit about the wrinkly sheets, and she tells him he needs to buy one of those big sheet roller presser things that most hotels have. I don’t know, I guess Eddie was thinking she could just use a handheld iron? Gordon meets Sandra and then hangs out with Christos to hear what guests have to complain about. The list includes hair in the sheets, sand in the bed, and brothel-like décor—which Gordon can confirm firsthand is accurate, FYI. Gordon, you old whoremonger. Then a guest comes down to check on their room service order, for which they’ve been waiting 45 minutes. Gordon heads for the kitchen…which is in a fucking different building altogether, around the block. What the fuck. Turns out, that order was for a cheese plate, which is hardly requires intensive preparation. Gordon wants to know why it took 45 minutes to put three tiny pieces of cheese on plate, and Aaron the manager just doesn’t even know. He has no idea people have to wait, he says, and Gordon says that’s a sorry excuse for a manager.