Hotel Hell Recap: You Can’t Buy Good Taste

Recaps

By BlueCanary | Thursday, August 30, 2012 | 12:01 pm | 6 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Hotel Hell, Recaps

Brian says Eddie is an idea man, who just brings every whim to them and expects them to put in the work to realize whatever notion he latches on to. Eddie even basically admits he knows Brian won’t say no. Eddie think of himself as a visionary who brings the staff ideas, but what he really means is that he just shows up every now and then with a vague fever dream that he will then expect to see put into action, whether it’s a good one or not.

Who’s the asshole in this scenario? Brian knows!

Gordon gives a little pop quiz, which everyone fails: Who’s the most important person at the Keating? Everyone says Eddie, Eddie says Sandra, and Gordon tells them all to eat shit—the most important people are the guests. He then collars Eddie and makes him and Sandra meet a bunch of guests and listen to them bitch. These are people, some of whom are paying close to a grand a night, just let him have it. The rooms stink and are badly designed; the stuff is low quality; there’s nowhere to sit and eat the terrible food. Some guests even complain about overcharging, skipped amenities. No one would return, surprise, surprise. Eddie starts to see Gordon’s point, and Sandra makes a general apology to the room.

After that little wake-up call, Gordon shows up in the kitchen in his chef jacket to rekindle Brian’s soul via scallops. That always works. Brian is literally dancing around the kitchen, then starts openly weeping when he tastes the food. Gordon encourages him to express himself via his cooking, and stand up to Eddie and his douchebag ways. Brian will be fine if he grows a backbone and eases up on the tears.

I always expect Gordon to start screaming whenever he’s around food. I think I watch too much Hell’s Kitchen.

Things seem to be moving forward, but first! Jacuzzi time. You knew when you saw that Jacuzzi that the pixilated Gordy-bum wasn’t far behind.

Pun intended.

Sure enough, he appears in a bargain bin Hugh Hefner-style robe, drops it to the floor, and takes a ridiculous looking soak in that eyesore of a tub. I guess Nude Gordon Backside is the central theme of this new series. Any complaints? No? Didn’t think so. Fox knows its audience.

The morning of truth arrives, and Gordon shows Eddie and the staff his changes. Holy shit, where did all that red go? That’s gotta be at least a few thousand dollars worth of primer just to cover it, then a foot thick application of white paint. He’s even got a series of photographs spelling out “Welcome to the Keating” in hands.

There’s another series behind the concierge desk that reads “fuck my life.”

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BlueCanary is as unorthodox a blend of optimistic and bitter, laid-back and anxious, motivated and straight up lazy tas one is likely to meet outside an unspecified institution. She spent the past decade holding a variety of job titles, including reporter, tech writer, production manager, and administrative assistant (the go-to job in this economy for folks who just HAD to get that English degree). She is currently living under the tiny yet powerful thumb of an awesome, pint-sized little dude, who wets himself and can't form full sentences (read: stay at home mom). Another tyrannical little thumb is gestating in her womb. She is a regular on The Neutral Corner podcast and blogs at www.mamamuzzle.com. 

Blue's as-yet-unpublished YA novel, The Nature of Echoes, is currently a Quarterfinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. If you'd like to check it out, a free excerpt is available to download at http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Echoes-ABNA-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3XFQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363378599&sr=1-1&keywords=eva+gibson+abna.

6 Comments

  1. 1
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    “call 911 and tries to keep Brian alive with wet towels and profanity. ”

    Ah, wet towels and profanity. That’s advanced medicine right there.

  2. 2
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted August 30, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Wet towels and profanity. I love that. :)

    Not that I’m complaining or anything, but is Gordon going to strip naked and take a bath on every show in this series? Because it seems to be a pattern here. A very nice pattern, but still….

    Form over function doesn’t even cover what was wrong with this hotel. I loved the placement of the TV with the little lunch counter/desk shelf. Yeah, that spells luxury. I wonder that his ‘guests’ haven’t strung him up over his bright red hotel lobby long before this at $700 + per night. I guess he’s banking on the fact that people who can afford to book a hotel that expensive aren’t prone to violent outbursts to resolve their problems.

  3. 3
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 1:59 am

    You did a much better job on this recap than Gordon did on this episode.

    They must not give Gordon much budget for this show. For a place with that much fug I’d expect him to fix more than 1 room and the lobby. And just a better show.

    But I guess the 2 part premiere would be hard to top.

    It was Ari from Beverly Hills Nannies that ordered the cheese plate. She and Barry are in the restaurant at the beginning too.

  4. 4
    eyediosmio Eyediosmio
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Well I am not surprised he only did one room, the show can only afford to spend so much $$$ and like you said, thousands went in to getting that red color out.

    I am ALL ABOUT hotel living, I love nothing more than paying too much for a hotel room, ordering in breakfast room service and lounging around in a big fluffy bed. NOTHING about that room would make me want to do that, simply a function of a bed to sleep in, not a room to vacation in. Ugh. And doesnt the color red make people anxious? Horrible design.

  5. 5
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Why would anybody expect the show to redo more than one room? The redo of the lobby was the hotel owner’s payment for letting the hotel be on TV, and the redo of one room was just a model of what could be done in the rest of the hotel if the owner so decides. If the show had to spend more money to redo a place than Gordo gets paid for an episode, then I imagine we would have a very unhappy Gordo, and they have to keep their star happy.

  6. 6
    WishICouldDance
    Posted August 31, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    The old hippie was cute but… What a graceful swoon!! Wet towels and profanity were probably the right treatment!

    And I just don’t think I could have handled all that red. I am all about red – as an accent!!! That looked like the elevators from the Shining opened up and spewed!! I swear, I started mumbling “redrum” when they first showed the lobby – yikes!

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