And also make parody videos of rap songs. Cos I’m a rapper.
Vinny’s mom is feeding him, and asks if Nicole is really going to the shore. “Who’s gonna take care of her over there, you?” she asks. Mama Vinny is the quintessential Italian mom, and I love her. “Well, I was thinking,” Vinny says, “if Nicole and Jionni don’t work out, maybe, uh, I’ll step in for her.” “Why not?” his mom says, “You love her.” Seriously? This still burning torch for Snooki was barely touched on last season. Vinny says he’ll raise Jionni’s baby with Snooki because Jionni won’t be a good dad. “Don’t say that!” Mama scolds.
In New Egypt, New Jersey, a woman says, “You look good, D. I hope when you get down to the shore and you start boozin’ that you’re not gonna put on that weight.”
It’s a shiny new Deena!
“I just want to walk into the shore house, and be like, ‘New Deena, new attitude, new look,” Deena interviews. When the first pictures of the surgically enhanced Deena broke, I said she looked like the love child of Anjelica Huston and Kim Kardashian, and it was not meant as a compliment. But I think the Botox is wearing off, because her face seems a lot softer and more mobile than it did a few months ago. I still think that if she had only lost the weight and left her face alone she would look better, but as it is she looks pretty darn good.
“I hope I come in and they’re like, “Whoa, what did somebody do with Deena?” she tells her mom. She interviews, “I kind of want it to be like the first day I walked in,” and we are treated to an early-Deena montage, the highlight of which is when she accidentally dropped her bikini bottoms in front of Mike. She doesn’t want to do that again. Her mom asks what she’s going to do without her other Meatball, and Deena’s dad stand there with his arms folded, clearly thinking, “Hopefully not embarrass me so much on TV.” Deena admits to being nervous about that.
“Nicole’s pregnant, Mike’s clean, Ron and Sam are back together…. Who am I gonna play with?” And there she is, the same insecure, slightly socially inept, brave little toaster that breaks my heart. The doorbell rings and Deena goes to answer it, saying “It must be Chris.” Because Deena has a boyfriend! A really, truly, more-than-a-one-night-stand boyfriend! “I’m coming into the house with a boyfriend,” she tells us. “His name is Chris, and I’ve never really had a real, real boyfriend before. This is definitely going to be different.” She asks him if he’s going to miss her and he wisely answers, “Of course.” Deena interviews that this is the happiest she’s ever been and she just wants to get on a mountain and sing it. “Like, ‘I’M FINALLY HAPPY!!!” Oh, honey. She kisses Chris goodbye and drives away.
Snooki and JMomm are getting ready to “hit the road, bitch!” JMomm interviews that she feels like everything is different, especially because Snooki is pregnant and Mike is clean. “I’m really curious to see what the other roommates are all about. I really don’t know what to expect right now.” She hugs Rawdger good bye, and tells us that they’ve started to mature and grow up a little bit. “Better to start now than never,” she adds.
In the cab of Snooki’s truck, JMomm says that if anyone is in their beds, she’s kicking them out. I would imagine that they have long ago replaced Snooki’s pee-soaked mattress, but I don’t see anybody else wanting to sleep in that room. Vinny drives down the freeway, saying, “Seaside, here we go!” Deena is praying that someone is at the house to help her get all the shit out of her car. Mike tells us that he hasn’t driven over the bridge to Seaside sober since the first summer at the house. “The Situation’s back, baby!” God help us all.
After the commercial, Mike continues, “And to think, I almost didn’t make it this summer. I almost didn’t make it in many ways. Heh-heh. I almost didn’t make it back to real life. Heh-heh.” He parks in front of the shore house and goes inside to find that he’s the first one there. So naturally he starts cooking dinner, as per his master plan. “This meal that I’m cooking for the roommates right now is pretty much the Italian way of saying ‘I’m sorry.’” I thought the Italian way of saying “I’m sorry” was “mi dispiace,” but whatever. “Whatever happened in the past can be erased, cos I just cooked you some din-din,” Mike interviews. Looks like someone wasn’t paying a whole lot of attention when they covered the concept of making amends in rehab.
Deena arrives next, and parks where Mike’s Jeep was. What happened to Mike’s Jeep? Do they store the cast member’s vehicles over the summer, cos when they’re at the shore you only ever see them driving those black SUVs? Inquiring minds want to know! Deena opens the door and calls, “Hello?” She sees Mike and goes to give him a big hug. He explains that he is making dinner to surprise everyone and start the summer off on a good note. “Well let me get my shit out of the car, and then we can catch up,” Deena says. Mike offers to help, and Deena laughs, “I’m not gonna lie, I was gonna ask.” Mike goes to check his food first and make sure that the house won’t catch fire while they’re outside unloading the car. “You look good,” he calls after Deena.
After giving birth to her fourth child, SuburBint carefully weighed the options and decided that recapping reality TV was probably a better choice in the long run than alcoholism. Liver function tests have yet to confirm the wisdom of this decision. Being an honest-to-goodness recapper is also a dream come true, as she has aspired to do this ever since discovering that such a thing existed way back in 2002.
Her favorite shows of all time include Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Coupling, Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy, Firefly, Community, Parks and Recreation, Doctor Who, and Veronica Mars. She can also quote The Big Lebowski in its entirety, and will do so with little to no provocation.
43 Comments
1
Gypsy
Posted October 9, 2012 at 7:23 pm
SuperB! If the first two paragraphs are any indication of the rest of this cap well, I here by declare we can have fun and we CAN be wild! (Free shrimp & grits for whoever guesses that movie quote play on words)
Too many jokes to keep up…welcome back, brava and back to reading!
2
SuburBint
Posted October 9, 2012 at 7:46 pm
Thanks, Gypsy. I clearly dropped the ball when proof reading, however.
The movie quote is tickling something in the back of my mind but I can’t quite put my finger on it, so I guess I’ll have to pay for my own shrimp & grits.
3
Gypsy
Posted October 9, 2012 at 9:50 pm
Hint: PUDGE!
4
Lauren
Posted October 9, 2012 at 10:45 pm
I have to point out one thing about making amends. It has nothing to do with being sorry, and the phrase “I’m sorry” shouldn’t even come into an amends. You admit what you did wrong, that you know it was wrong, and ask “How do I make it right” (Mike didn’t do this either. I agree that he is still to self serving to truly go through an amends with anyone). Something tells me that Mike isn’t exactly following a 12 step program, probably doesn’t have a sponser, and isn’t going to meetings. All of that will lead to relapse. I agree with you though, Mike has a lot of problems on top of addiction that he doesn’t seem to want to change (or might not realize he has, someone needs to do Step 5). He does look better, there’s that.
This was really boring, not as bad as Snooki and Jwoww, but not much better. Your recap was infinitely more entertaining. Thanks for sticking it out until the bitter end.
5
snowshoecat
Posted October 10, 2012 at 5:12 am
I know I welcomed ya back in the mini, SuperB, but it’s just so good to have you back that I have to do it again. Welcome baaaaaaaaaack.
You really hit the ground running. I giggled, I laughed out loud, I got stares and glares from people I don’t know. Yay.
For the last year or so we have remarked how Mike looks like he’s about 40. Well the clean and sober Mike looks even older now. Like 50. It’s like the janitor moved in with the kids. Ick. He looks healthier, granted, but older without being wiser.
Okay. Back to reading.
6
sarcasatire
Posted October 10, 2012 at 5:35 am
Welcome back, SuperB!
One thing I noticed about Mike is he kept specifying that he is off “the hard stuff.” How many days before he makes a clear distinction and starts reaching for the small stuff again?
Great recap, Suburbint! I’m glad you’re here to make our Guido Goodbye all the more palatable.
(Is it me or is there an awkwardness amongst the cast. Lots of nervous giggles and awkward pauses…like they spent so much time apart and came together after a year and had to force this sense of intimacy immediately.)
7
Rapscallions
Posted October 10, 2012 at 6:48 am
Omg this recap was hilarious! I kept disturbing my husband with my laughter. Pauly D and Vinny have a true love that will last a lifetime!
I just had to say, as a fellow first time pregnant woman, Snooki needs to get over it! Ugh she drove me crazy whining the whole time. I feel her pain, it sucks having to give up everything, but it doesn’t do her any good to bitch about it. I hope we don’t have to hear about her pregnancy all season! And mike was also annoying talking in his skeevy way about the “new Situation” every second. You’re still a douche, drugs don’t change that!!
8
SuburBint
Posted October 10, 2012 at 6:48 am
@ Lauren — Thanks for the clarification. I haven’t actually done the whole rehab/recovery thing myself, so my knowledge of how it all works is drawn from several years of knowing several people at various points in their own addictions/recoveries, what I’ve viewed at open meetings, and what people told me about how it all works. Amends was explained to me as including ownership of your actions and an apology, and when amends have been made to me they always included one. I don’t understand how someone can know what they did was wrong, admit it was wrong, and want to set it right without also being sorry for what they did; that just seems half-assed to me. Can you shed any more light on why being sorry wouldn’t be considered a necessary part of amends? I’m truly curious.
@ SSC — I think Mike is starting to look like his older brother, Frankie, to whom genetics were not particularly kind nor generous. I think he looks healthier and definitely more in shape (which is pretty amazing) than he did last year, but I agree, he still looks like he’s aging at an accelerated rate — probably a combination of his substance abuse and tanning.
@ sarcas — I found a lot of what Mike said and the way he said it to be odd in light of his recovery. Right now he’s off everything, including cigarettes, and that’s a serious accomplishment — so why keep saying that he’s off “the hard stuff?” If he’s serious about his recovery and staying sober, he can’t drink ever again — so why did he tell that girl “I’m not drinking tonight?” I get that it can be embarrassing to tell total strangers that you’re in recovery, but the entire world knew that he had a substance abuse problem, and if he truly is ready to commit to sobriety he needs to learn to be straightforward about his restrictions. He doesn’t even have to say, “I can’t drink, I’m in recovery,” all he has to say is, “I don’t drink,” and then if follow-up questions are asked, take them as they come.
I think the awkwardness amongst the cast was due in large part to not knowing what to expect from Mike, and everyone being very tense about whether or not things were going to go south extremely quickly with him. Plus I’m sure knowing that it really is the last season this time and knowing that Mike and Snooki are both unable to party the way they used to puts a lot of pressure on the other roommates to keep things in the house lively and interesting.
9
SuburBint
Posted October 10, 2012 at 7:21 am
@ Rapscallions — glad you enjoyed it, and I hope your husband was understanding! Sadly, I fear we will be hearing about Snooki’s pregnancy more or less constantly this season because that’s all she has to bring to the table. As for Mike, it’s good to know other people still find him skeevy as well. Whenever he or one of his cast mates would say something about him getting back to his “real” self again, all I could think of was one point last year when Pauly said something about how when Mike acts all nice and kind and helpful they know that he’s up to something and are waiting for the real Mike (manipulative, devious, backstabbing) to come out. The drugs and alcohol may have emphasized Mike’s negative personality traits, but I don’t think they’re that far from the surface now that he’s sober.
10
sheesh
Posted October 10, 2012 at 7:27 am
Hi Suburbint!
I had no taste for beer when I was preggo, or chinese, or mexican.
My body went into healthy mode.
Weird that Snooker still wants to drink beer.
She is insufferable. I hope that Lorenzo knocks all of that mememe out of her.
Shrimp and grits…yum!
Mike shouldn’t have come back this season. Maybe an appearance would have been better.
Vinny is hungup on Snookie? Ooooookkkkaaaaayyyyy?
11
Chey
Posted October 10, 2012 at 7:27 am
Seriously? Mike said he was sorry and he messed up, and yet you still go off on this tangent that he didn’t really apologize? Come on
12
Gypsy
Posted October 10, 2012 at 7:38 am
I’m kinda glad Snooki isn’t in the house…that should make it a little more tolerable. I hope.
13
snowshoecat
Posted October 10, 2012 at 7:57 am
What a sorry lot they’ve become. True, they were all disgusting last year, but I think the whole thing shouldda ended then.
Since they didn’t put it out of its misery, good to gave you making a silk purse out of it all.
Deena being more pathetic than ever
Mike craving even more attention
Snooki moping around
Can’t wait to see how the others have devolved.
14
SuburBint
Posted October 10, 2012 at 8:06 am
@ Sheesh — I never had any desire to drink while I was pregnant either, but drinking was never as hugely important to my sense of identity as it has been to Snooki all these years. I know she’s said in interviews that she doesn’t drink as heavily the rest of the time as she does while filming, but it’s not like she was a teetotaler when the cameras were off, or she would have been hospitalized with alcohol poisoning at the beginning of each season.
My theory about Vinny being supposedly hung up on Snooki is that it’s more of a thing where he wants her only because he can’t have her now that Jionni has staked his official claim with both a fetus and an engagement ring. If Jionni had bailed and a tearful Snooki had gone to Vinny and asked him to be her boo, I think he would have been like, “Hell yeah!” for a couple of days and then have no interest anymore. Based on his reaction when she told the roommates about her pregnancy and engagement on Snooki & JWoww he’s suffering badly from a case of sour grapes.
15
Chef Pants
Posted October 10, 2012 at 8:08 am
@SuburBint – Correct me if I’m wrong, but did these kids know this was the last season when they entered the house? I thought that decision was made after the season was filmed or at the least close to when they were finished filming.
This show is so sad to watch now. I wish they would have had a rotating cast every other year with new Guidos to keep it fresh. Following these same six for the past what? Nine seasons has become very boring and precdictible. I have next to no interst in this final season. At least these recaps are interesting!
16
SuburBint
Posted October 10, 2012 at 8:24 am
@ Chef Pants — I don’t remember the exact timeline, but I think the public announcement that it was the last season was made while they were filming. I would imagine the actual decision had been made well before filming began and the cast was told going in, or at least had a strong suspicion, especially since MTV claimed that last season was going to be the final season but then “surprised” us with Season 6.
17
Charles
Posted October 10, 2012 at 8:25 am
I know Mike was always a jerkoff and stuff but besides Snooki (who he tried to fuck over in a really malicious way) did he really do anything that bad to anybody? Being a douchebag in general warrants an apology but everyone is acting like he hatched some evil plan against them. He made an effort, you don’t need over analyze every word he said for its underlying meaning. He is a retarded juicehead of course its not going to be the most well articulated apology in the world. Ronnie especially, who forces the whole house to live through his incessant fighting with Sam, puts them in uncomfortable positions where they have to lie to Sam to cover for him and even physically attacked Mike, doesn’t hesitate to play the victim card wherever possible.
18
JudgyWudgy
Posted October 10, 2012 at 9:40 am
Is part two going to have its own recap? Don’t tell me you’re not even going to touch on Ronnie instigating a fight with Sammi on day one – you can’t hate Vinny and Ron gets off scot-free; as I mentioned in the minicap, as the sky (or Deena’s hideous dress) is blue, I think Ron is a piece of shit. Also, I just watched season 3 on Netflix and Ron and Sam were the first people to arrive at the house and willingly CHOSE to go upstairs in the bedroom with three beds. So what is this shit about FINALLY getting their own room? Sure, petty thing to pick on Ron about, but I’ll take what I can get.
I don’t think Deena looks that much better, but it’s probably skewed because I hate her.
Good to see that you touched on Mike’s old shenanigans; the GRAND GESTURE of the dinner…..only to result in him being all butt-hurt that no one’s helping out. What?!?!?! Again???? I think Mike may have coined the phrase “no free lunch”. Apparently when he went to rehab for the “hard stuff” that clearly did NOT mean his apparent mental illness.
19
SuburBint
Posted October 10, 2012 at 9:47 am
@ Judgy — I’m working on part two now, as fast as my fingers will type! No way I’m going to leave that nonsense alone!
I felt like I was maybe being too hard on Mike in the recap, but it is reassuring to hear that so many of you agree that he’s substantially still the same creep that he always was, sober or not.
How can you hate Deena? Poor little thing, I still want to take her home, give her a strict curfew, and enroll her in Women’s Studies courses at the local community college. I think Deena is so busy trying to live up to what she thinks the expectations are for her as a Jersey Shore cast member that she has no idea how to be herself, and the bad decisions are snowballing.
20
snowshoecat
Posted October 10, 2012 at 9:48 am
@judgy, while I’m no psychologist, I DID (emphasizing past tense) have a friend who has been in the 12 step for years without ever acknowledging the pain and suffering he inflicted for years while using. It was always somebody else. He was the innocent victim.
I think that’s Mike. As you noted about nobody’s helping out (even before anybody had a chance to do it) the self pity, the victimization, is typical of the “dry user”.
Takes more than rehab if the user has no inclination toward self-awareness.
21
mere2142
Posted October 10, 2012 at 9:54 am
I feel like I’m watching this season out of obligation but I can already tell it’s going to blow. How many times did Snooki want Jionni to confirm it was wrong for her to be in a club? You know she was just waiting for him to say, let’s go to Karma.
I can’t take a season of Deena crying, Mike trying to convince us all he’s ‘sober’, Vinny moping, Snooki complaining and Sam and Ron being Sam and Ron. Thank goodness for the one saving grace, Pauly D. Oh and your hysterical recaps as well!
22
Gypsy
Posted October 10, 2012 at 9:57 am
@Judgy- Before the crew left Italy they had a last meal where they discussed keeping same rooms so, that is why Sam and Rawn got stuck with Mike.
And, I second what SSC’s saying. Rehab doesn’t cure your personality traits. That takes dedication, therapy and likely a program and it took him 30+ years to get to this point, it’s going to take a while to unwind what he has created.
23
JudgyWudgy
Posted October 10, 2012 at 10:22 am
@Gypsy – Season 3 was after Miami – before Italy! They very clearly state in the episode that they voluntarily picked the upstairs room because it was the “nicest,”vehemently claiming it wouldn’t be awkward for any 3rd occupant. Uh, my ass. They absolutely had a choice to go into the room with two beds.
Yayyyyy, another recap! I probably don’t feel bad for Deena because she has the kind of personality that completely clashes with mine – she tries too hard. I really hate that. Some (nicer) people can tolerate it – I can’t.
24
Gypsy
Posted October 10, 2012 at 10:39 am
Well I stand corrected. That was how I recalled it. Certainly no need to get nasty.
25
JudgyWudgy
Posted October 10, 2012 at 10:49 am
What? How did I get nasty? The “my ass” comment was directed toward THEM and their insistence that it wouldn’t be awkward for whichever third person got stuck with them. Pretty sure season 3 was their worst one to date!
26
caligal
Posted October 10, 2012 at 10:54 am
Would that be the movie “Shag”?
27
SuburBint
Posted October 10, 2012 at 10:59 am
@ Chey — I stand by what I said. I don’t think Mike really and sincerely apologized or took responsibility for the ways in which he hurt his roommates. What he did was a start, but considering the Machiavellian delight he took in trying to orchestrate ways to fuck with the other cast members’ minds and emotions, the least he could do is go to each of them individually and have a serious, in depth talk about how he hurt that person.
@ Charles — I think Mike’s biggest issue in regards to the rest of the house has a lot to do with the tone he set. I’ve lived with people who were that powder keg waiting to go off, and living in that kind of environment is incredibly stressful. Ron is no angel either, and he definitely needs to seek some sort of therapy for his anger issues, but he has never declared himself to be this great evil genius that can toy with his roommates and they don’t even see him doing it, but that is something that Mike has certainly boasted about. Last season most of his wiles were devoted to getting between Snooki and Jionni, but he also turned his brother’s relationship with Deena’s sister into a way to mess with Deena’s mind for no other reason than because he found it amusing. They treat him like an evil plan-hatcher because that’s what he said he was and continually tried to prove himself to be.
@ SSC — the behaviour you describe is pretty typical of what I’ve seen from people who weren’t really ready to grow as people. Mike’s been blaming others for his own shortcomings for years, and he isn’t yet equipped to stop doing that. I agree, it takes a lot more than rehab to unlearn those old habits and learn new ways of interacting with people and interpreting your understanding of how the world works.
@ mere — I agree, Snooki was hoping Jionni would talk her into going to Karma.
@ Judgy — Deena tries waaay too hard, which I find pitiable, but I can see how that would set your teeth on edge. I was the girl who tried way too hard in my youth until I learned how to be comfortable with me, so it’s easy for me to relate and feel sorry for Deena.
Ah man! Caligal beat me to it. SHAG! I used to watch that movie incessantly.
SuburBint – Hilarious recap! The Kenneth Branagh picture and the guido Shakespeare is pure genius. The title of the episode makes me love the production people behind this mess as well. They know the cast members would never recognize a Shakespeare reference. They’re the butt of their own show’s jokes.
30
Lauren
Posted October 10, 2012 at 11:13 am
From what has been explained to me, the “I’m Sorry” in an amends makes it more trivial. If a person in recovery tries to take it out of the amends, it forces them to own up to whatever behavior or action led to the amends in the first place. Also, people who have been hurt by an addict have likely heard “I’m Sorry” countless times from the addict, and can easily write it off, thinking the person will go back to whatever they did before. A victim has probably not heard a full admittance to behaviors/actions, or a sincere need to make it right. Saying I’m Sorry is just not enough by Big Book (either NA or AA) standards for it to truly be an amends. While making amends is a vital step, you are not supposed to do it if it will cause pain or injury to others. Just saying I’m Sorry could do just that, since the victim has heard it all before, and could likely be hurt by just another apology they may hear from this person. And any sooner will tell you, expecting anything from an amends is wrong. The other person has every right to accept it and tell you how to fix it, or say f***you, I don’t believe you will change. Another hint to me that Mike isn’t really doing a 12step thing.
I heard a little bit of step 1 from Mike, but that’s it. He needs to work the program if he sincerely wants to be better. Someone mentioned “dry user”, and that is exactly what he is. He is abstaining, not recovering.
I don’t even believe everyone needs a 12 step and all that to get better. Everyone is different. I’m just not really sure where Mike’s head is at. Going back to the shore house would be the last thing any recovering addict would do if they truly wanted to be clean and live a better life, 12 step or not
31
Lauren
Posted October 10, 2012 at 11:15 am
“And any sooner will tell you, expecting anything from an amends is wrong.”
Sooner is supposed to be Sponser
32
SuburBint
Posted October 10, 2012 at 11:36 am
@ Lauren — Great explanation. I absolutely agree, those who have been hurt by an addict have almost certainly heard “I’m sorry” so many times that it has lost all meaning, and I by no means think that saying “I’m sorry” is in and of itself an adequate amends. Like I said above, I always understood the concept of amends to consist of owning what you’ve done in the past, and to me, saying that you’re sorry is a natural part of that. Saying “I was wrong” and intentionally not following it with “I’m sorry” seems duplicitous to me. Anyone who needs to have amends made to them is probably not going to take whatever is said seriously anyway, they need to see that there is a real change in the addict’s behaviour.
33
My2Cents
Posted October 10, 2012 at 11:41 am
Suburbint…thanks for an insightful recap. You have a great read on these people which makes reading the recap all the more interesting. Mostly I only read the recaps when I have missed an episode but I enjoy reading certain authors re-caps because of their entertaining comments and style. I didn’t like her much un-pregnant and now that her self absortion is amplified by 100 I may stick to soley reading your coles notes and not watching the show if Snooki continues to assault my brain with her inssant woe is me attitude.
Thanks for your hard work (can’t be easy listening to these people more than once to get the quote) and can’t wait for the next installment!
34
JudgyWudgy
Posted October 10, 2012 at 12:29 pm
@Gypsy – yeah, absolutely no nastiness intended (except to Rammi) but I could see how it could be interpreted that way. My apologies!
35
Gypsy
Posted October 10, 2012 at 12:30 pm
@Honey- Meeeeeeee too! Come with us, I’ll take you both
@Lauren, I have no heard such a through and accurate explination of Step 9 since going to my first meeting for Athiests (sp) in LA with my Ex. and that was YEARS ago. I really just want to say thanks.
36
Gypsy
Posted October 10, 2012 at 12:47 pm
@ Judgy already forgotten. Let’s snark some Rammi!
37
Lauren
Posted October 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm
Gypsy -Thank you. I won’t get into why I’m so current with this stuff, but you saying that means a lot to me.
SB- I didn’t mean to correct you so much as explain another aspect of amends. You were pretty right on with hat you said in the recap. I just wanted to make it clear that Mike has a lot more to do than just saying sorry, and while I respect that he’s clean, I don’t respect that he is essentially taking the easy road to his recovery.
Your recaps are awesome and I look forward to part 2.
38
SuburBint
Posted October 10, 2012 at 1:26 pm
@ Lauren — No worries, I appreciate you sharing so much information with us! I also appreciate being corrected when I’m wrong, because I’d rather be corrected and learn something than continue to mouth off inaccurately. I hope that, regardless of the reason why you are so on top of the ins and outs of 12 step recovery, things are going well. Lots of people try to take the easy road to recovery, especially the first time around. After all, they’ve been taking the easy road for so long by avoiding reality through using, taking shortcuts and manipulating circumstances to their own advantage is second nature. I’m glad you enjoyed the recap, still working on part 2… lots of stuff to cover there! Should have it up this evening, the internet gods permitting.
39
Valleygirl
Posted October 10, 2012 at 2:24 pm
I’m still totally convinced that Vinny’s gay. And it appears that this season isn’t going to dissuade me of that notion. Lol Vinny’s less hung up on Nicole and more hung up on Pauly’s dick.
Their love makes me believe in soulmates! Don’t let me down this season P&V!!!
40
snowshoecat
Posted October 10, 2012 at 6:26 pm
@VGirl, you never cease to astonish me. You must be the first person to come out and just say what many of us have sorta kinda suspected.
Being gay just doesn’t fit the Guido GTL mold, now does it? Come to think of it, neither Vinny nor Pauly was much for smushing, now were they?
No. I am NOT going through the epis to tally the scores.
41
Enrique's Mole
Posted October 10, 2012 at 7:51 pm
I’m just going to say it: I like Mike *ducks*
42
SuburBint
Posted October 10, 2012 at 8:40 pm
@ Valleygirl — I would seriously love it if one day Vinny and Pauly came out and admitted that they really were in love and a couple.
@ Enrique’s Mole — So does Classy Drunk, so at least you’re in good company.
Just sent the part 2 recap in to be published. Sorry it took so long, next week’s will be up faster. Thanks for being so patient!
43
Valleygirl
Posted October 11, 2012 at 11:05 am
@snowshoecat: I can’t tell if you’re being facetious or not. Lol. But to be fair, Vinny isn’t a GTL guy. He’s smarter than all of them but the poor boy just wants to be Glinda popular with the cool kids.
Haha and I’m pretty sure that last season they got zero smushing so they were clearly doing something with each other or that was one sexually frustrated summer.
43 Comments
SuperB! If the first two paragraphs are any indication of the rest of this cap well, I here by declare we can have fun and we CAN be wild! (Free shrimp & grits for whoever guesses that movie quote play on words)
Too many jokes to keep up…welcome back, brava and back to reading!
Thanks, Gypsy.
I clearly dropped the ball when proof reading, however.
The movie quote is tickling something in the back of my mind but I can’t quite put my finger on it, so I guess I’ll have to pay for my own shrimp & grits.
Hint: PUDGE!
I have to point out one thing about making amends. It has nothing to do with being sorry, and the phrase “I’m sorry” shouldn’t even come into an amends. You admit what you did wrong, that you know it was wrong, and ask “How do I make it right” (Mike didn’t do this either. I agree that he is still to self serving to truly go through an amends with anyone). Something tells me that Mike isn’t exactly following a 12 step program, probably doesn’t have a sponser, and isn’t going to meetings. All of that will lead to relapse. I agree with you though, Mike has a lot of problems on top of addiction that he doesn’t seem to want to change (or might not realize he has, someone needs to do Step 5). He does look better, there’s that.
This was really boring, not as bad as Snooki and Jwoww, but not much better. Your recap was infinitely more entertaining. Thanks for sticking it out until the bitter end.
I know I welcomed ya back in the mini, SuperB, but it’s just so good to have you back that I have to do it again. Welcome baaaaaaaaaack.
You really hit the ground running. I giggled, I laughed out loud, I got stares and glares from people I don’t know. Yay.
For the last year or so we have remarked how Mike looks like he’s about 40. Well the clean and sober Mike looks even older now. Like 50. It’s like the janitor moved in with the kids. Ick. He looks healthier, granted, but older without being wiser.
Okay. Back to reading.
Welcome back, SuperB!
One thing I noticed about Mike is he kept specifying that he is off “the hard stuff.” How many days before he makes a clear distinction and starts reaching for the small stuff again?
Great recap, Suburbint! I’m glad you’re here to make our Guido Goodbye all the more palatable.
(Is it me or is there an awkwardness amongst the cast. Lots of nervous giggles and awkward pauses…like they spent so much time apart and came together after a year and had to force this sense of intimacy immediately.)
Omg this recap was hilarious! I kept disturbing my husband with my laughter. Pauly D and Vinny have a true love that will last a lifetime!
I just had to say, as a fellow first time pregnant woman, Snooki needs to get over it! Ugh she drove me crazy whining the whole time. I feel her pain, it sucks having to give up everything, but it doesn’t do her any good to bitch about it. I hope we don’t have to hear about her pregnancy all season! And mike was also annoying talking in his skeevy way about the “new Situation” every second. You’re still a douche, drugs don’t change that!!
@ Lauren — Thanks for the clarification. I haven’t actually done the whole rehab/recovery thing myself, so my knowledge of how it all works is drawn from several years of knowing several people at various points in their own addictions/recoveries, what I’ve viewed at open meetings, and what people told me about how it all works. Amends was explained to me as including ownership of your actions and an apology, and when amends have been made to me they always included one. I don’t understand how someone can know what they did was wrong, admit it was wrong, and want to set it right without also being sorry for what they did; that just seems half-assed to me. Can you shed any more light on why being sorry wouldn’t be considered a necessary part of amends? I’m truly curious.
@ SSC — I think Mike is starting to look like his older brother, Frankie, to whom genetics were not particularly kind nor generous. I think he looks healthier and definitely more in shape (which is pretty amazing) than he did last year, but I agree, he still looks like he’s aging at an accelerated rate — probably a combination of his substance abuse and tanning.
@ sarcas — I found a lot of what Mike said and the way he said it to be odd in light of his recovery. Right now he’s off everything, including cigarettes, and that’s a serious accomplishment — so why keep saying that he’s off “the hard stuff?” If he’s serious about his recovery and staying sober, he can’t drink ever again — so why did he tell that girl “I’m not drinking tonight?” I get that it can be embarrassing to tell total strangers that you’re in recovery, but the entire world knew that he had a substance abuse problem, and if he truly is ready to commit to sobriety he needs to learn to be straightforward about his restrictions. He doesn’t even have to say, “I can’t drink, I’m in recovery,” all he has to say is, “I don’t drink,” and then if follow-up questions are asked, take them as they come.
I think the awkwardness amongst the cast was due in large part to not knowing what to expect from Mike, and everyone being very tense about whether or not things were going to go south extremely quickly with him. Plus I’m sure knowing that it really is the last season this time and knowing that Mike and Snooki are both unable to party the way they used to puts a lot of pressure on the other roommates to keep things in the house lively and interesting.
@ Rapscallions — glad you enjoyed it, and I hope your husband was understanding! Sadly, I fear we will be hearing about Snooki’s pregnancy more or less constantly this season because that’s all she has to bring to the table. As for Mike, it’s good to know other people still find him skeevy as well. Whenever he or one of his cast mates would say something about him getting back to his “real” self again, all I could think of was one point last year when Pauly said something about how when Mike acts all nice and kind and helpful they know that he’s up to something and are waiting for the real Mike (manipulative, devious, backstabbing) to come out. The drugs and alcohol may have emphasized Mike’s negative personality traits, but I don’t think they’re that far from the surface now that he’s sober.
Hi Suburbint!
I had no taste for beer when I was preggo, or chinese, or mexican.
My body went into healthy mode.
Weird that Snooker still wants to drink beer.
She is insufferable. I hope that Lorenzo knocks all of that mememe out of her.
Shrimp and grits…yum!
Mike shouldn’t have come back this season. Maybe an appearance would have been better.
Vinny is hungup on Snookie? Ooooookkkkaaaaayyyyy?
Seriously? Mike said he was sorry and he messed up, and yet you still go off on this tangent that he didn’t really apologize? Come on
I’m kinda glad Snooki isn’t in the house…that should make it a little more tolerable. I hope.
What a sorry lot they’ve become. True, they were all disgusting last year, but I think the whole thing shouldda ended then.
Since they didn’t put it out of its misery, good to gave you making a silk purse out of it all.
Deena being more pathetic than ever
Mike craving even more attention
Snooki moping around
Can’t wait to see how the others have devolved.
@ Sheesh — I never had any desire to drink while I was pregnant either, but drinking was never as hugely important to my sense of identity as it has been to Snooki all these years. I know she’s said in interviews that she doesn’t drink as heavily the rest of the time as she does while filming, but it’s not like she was a teetotaler when the cameras were off, or she would have been hospitalized with alcohol poisoning at the beginning of each season.
My theory about Vinny being supposedly hung up on Snooki is that it’s more of a thing where he wants her only because he can’t have her now that Jionni has staked his official claim with both a fetus and an engagement ring. If Jionni had bailed and a tearful Snooki had gone to Vinny and asked him to be her boo, I think he would have been like, “Hell yeah!” for a couple of days and then have no interest anymore. Based on his reaction when she told the roommates about her pregnancy and engagement on Snooki & JWoww he’s suffering badly from a case of sour grapes.
@SuburBint – Correct me if I’m wrong, but did these kids know this was the last season when they entered the house? I thought that decision was made after the season was filmed or at the least close to when they were finished filming.
This show is so sad to watch now. I wish they would have had a rotating cast every other year with new Guidos to keep it fresh. Following these same six for the past what? Nine seasons has become very boring and precdictible. I have next to no interst in this final season. At least these recaps are interesting!
@ Chef Pants — I don’t remember the exact timeline, but I think the public announcement that it was the last season was made while they were filming. I would imagine the actual decision had been made well before filming began and the cast was told going in, or at least had a strong suspicion, especially since MTV claimed that last season was going to be the final season but then “surprised” us with Season 6.
I know Mike was always a jerkoff and stuff but besides Snooki (who he tried to fuck over in a really malicious way) did he really do anything that bad to anybody? Being a douchebag in general warrants an apology but everyone is acting like he hatched some evil plan against them. He made an effort, you don’t need over analyze every word he said for its underlying meaning. He is a retarded juicehead of course its not going to be the most well articulated apology in the world. Ronnie especially, who forces the whole house to live through his incessant fighting with Sam, puts them in uncomfortable positions where they have to lie to Sam to cover for him and even physically attacked Mike, doesn’t hesitate to play the victim card wherever possible.
Is part two going to have its own recap? Don’t tell me you’re not even going to touch on Ronnie instigating a fight with Sammi on day one – you can’t hate Vinny and Ron gets off scot-free; as I mentioned in the minicap, as the sky (or Deena’s hideous dress) is blue, I think Ron is a piece of shit. Also, I just watched season 3 on Netflix and Ron and Sam were the first people to arrive at the house and willingly CHOSE to go upstairs in the bedroom with three beds. So what is this shit about FINALLY getting their own room? Sure, petty thing to pick on Ron about, but I’ll take what I can get.
I don’t think Deena looks that much better, but it’s probably skewed because I hate her.
Good to see that you touched on Mike’s old shenanigans; the GRAND GESTURE of the dinner…..only to result in him being all butt-hurt that no one’s helping out. What?!?!?! Again???? I think Mike may have coined the phrase “no free lunch”. Apparently when he went to rehab for the “hard stuff” that clearly did NOT mean his apparent mental illness.
@ Judgy — I’m working on part two now, as fast as my fingers will type! No way I’m going to leave that nonsense alone!
I felt like I was maybe being too hard on Mike in the recap, but it is reassuring to hear that so many of you agree that he’s substantially still the same creep that he always was, sober or not.
How can you hate Deena? Poor little thing, I still want to take her home, give her a strict curfew, and enroll her in Women’s Studies courses at the local community college. I think Deena is so busy trying to live up to what she thinks the expectations are for her as a Jersey Shore cast member that she has no idea how to be herself, and the bad decisions are snowballing.
@judgy, while I’m no psychologist, I DID (emphasizing past tense) have a friend who has been in the 12 step for years without ever acknowledging the pain and suffering he inflicted for years while using. It was always somebody else. He was the innocent victim.
I think that’s Mike. As you noted about nobody’s helping out (even before anybody had a chance to do it) the self pity, the victimization, is typical of the “dry user”.
Takes more than rehab if the user has no inclination toward self-awareness.
I feel like I’m watching this season out of obligation but I can already tell it’s going to blow. How many times did Snooki want Jionni to confirm it was wrong for her to be in a club? You know she was just waiting for him to say, let’s go to Karma.
I can’t take a season of Deena crying, Mike trying to convince us all he’s ‘sober’, Vinny moping, Snooki complaining and Sam and Ron being Sam and Ron. Thank goodness for the one saving grace, Pauly D. Oh and your hysterical recaps as well!
@Judgy- Before the crew left Italy they had a last meal where they discussed keeping same rooms so, that is why Sam and Rawn got stuck with Mike.
And, I second what SSC’s saying. Rehab doesn’t cure your personality traits. That takes dedication, therapy and likely a program and it took him 30+ years to get to this point, it’s going to take a while to unwind what he has created.
@Gypsy – Season 3 was after Miami – before Italy! They very clearly state in the episode that they voluntarily picked the upstairs room because it was the “nicest,”vehemently claiming it wouldn’t be awkward for any 3rd occupant. Uh, my ass. They absolutely had a choice to go into the room with two beds.
Yayyyyy, another recap! I probably don’t feel bad for Deena because she has the kind of personality that completely clashes with mine – she tries too hard. I really hate that. Some (nicer) people can tolerate it – I can’t.
Well I stand corrected. That was how I recalled it. Certainly no need to get nasty.
What? How did I get nasty? The “my ass” comment was directed toward THEM and their insistence that it wouldn’t be awkward for whichever third person got stuck with them. Pretty sure season 3 was their worst one to date!
Would that be the movie “Shag”?
@ Chey — I stand by what I said. I don’t think Mike really and sincerely apologized or took responsibility for the ways in which he hurt his roommates. What he did was a start, but considering the Machiavellian delight he took in trying to orchestrate ways to fuck with the other cast members’ minds and emotions, the least he could do is go to each of them individually and have a serious, in depth talk about how he hurt that person.
@ Charles — I think Mike’s biggest issue in regards to the rest of the house has a lot to do with the tone he set. I’ve lived with people who were that powder keg waiting to go off, and living in that kind of environment is incredibly stressful. Ron is no angel either, and he definitely needs to seek some sort of therapy for his anger issues, but he has never declared himself to be this great evil genius that can toy with his roommates and they don’t even see him doing it, but that is something that Mike has certainly boasted about. Last season most of his wiles were devoted to getting between Snooki and Jionni, but he also turned his brother’s relationship with Deena’s sister into a way to mess with Deena’s mind for no other reason than because he found it amusing. They treat him like an evil plan-hatcher because that’s what he said he was and continually tried to prove himself to be.
@ SSC — the behaviour you describe is pretty typical of what I’ve seen from people who weren’t really ready to grow as people. Mike’s been blaming others for his own shortcomings for years, and he isn’t yet equipped to stop doing that. I agree, it takes a lot more than rehab to unlearn those old habits and learn new ways of interacting with people and interpreting your understanding of how the world works.
@ mere — I agree, Snooki was hoping Jionni would talk her into going to Karma.
@ Judgy — Deena tries waaay too hard, which I find pitiable, but I can see how that would set your teeth on edge. I was the girl who tried way too hard in my youth until I learned how to be comfortable with me, so it’s easy for me to relate and feel sorry for Deena.
@Judgy…thanks for clarifying, I apprecaite it.
@Caligal-YES! Winner Winner shrimp & grits dinner!
Ah man! Caligal beat me to it. SHAG! I used to watch that movie incessantly.
SuburBint – Hilarious recap! The Kenneth Branagh picture and the guido Shakespeare is pure genius. The title of the episode makes me love the production people behind this mess as well. They know the cast members would never recognize a Shakespeare reference. They’re the butt of their own show’s jokes.
From what has been explained to me, the “I’m Sorry” in an amends makes it more trivial. If a person in recovery tries to take it out of the amends, it forces them to own up to whatever behavior or action led to the amends in the first place. Also, people who have been hurt by an addict have likely heard “I’m Sorry” countless times from the addict, and can easily write it off, thinking the person will go back to whatever they did before. A victim has probably not heard a full admittance to behaviors/actions, or a sincere need to make it right. Saying I’m Sorry is just not enough by Big Book (either NA or AA) standards for it to truly be an amends. While making amends is a vital step, you are not supposed to do it if it will cause pain or injury to others. Just saying I’m Sorry could do just that, since the victim has heard it all before, and could likely be hurt by just another apology they may hear from this person. And any sooner will tell you, expecting anything from an amends is wrong. The other person has every right to accept it and tell you how to fix it, or say f***you, I don’t believe you will change. Another hint to me that Mike isn’t really doing a 12step thing.
I heard a little bit of step 1 from Mike, but that’s it. He needs to work the program if he sincerely wants to be better. Someone mentioned “dry user”, and that is exactly what he is. He is abstaining, not recovering.
I don’t even believe everyone needs a 12 step and all that to get better. Everyone is different. I’m just not really sure where Mike’s head is at. Going back to the shore house would be the last thing any recovering addict would do if they truly wanted to be clean and live a better life, 12 step or not
“And any sooner will tell you, expecting anything from an amends is wrong.”
Sooner is supposed to be Sponser
@ Lauren — Great explanation. I absolutely agree, those who have been hurt by an addict have almost certainly heard “I’m sorry” so many times that it has lost all meaning, and I by no means think that saying “I’m sorry” is in and of itself an adequate amends. Like I said above, I always understood the concept of amends to consist of owning what you’ve done in the past, and to me, saying that you’re sorry is a natural part of that. Saying “I was wrong” and intentionally not following it with “I’m sorry” seems duplicitous to me. Anyone who needs to have amends made to them is probably not going to take whatever is said seriously anyway, they need to see that there is a real change in the addict’s behaviour.
Suburbint…thanks for an insightful recap. You have a great read on these people which makes reading the recap all the more interesting. Mostly I only read the recaps when I have missed an episode but I enjoy reading certain authors re-caps because of their entertaining comments and style. I didn’t like her much un-pregnant and now that her self absortion is amplified by 100 I may stick to soley reading your coles notes and not watching the show if Snooki continues to assault my brain with her inssant woe is me attitude.
Thanks for your hard work (can’t be easy listening to these people more than once to get the quote) and can’t wait for the next installment!
@Gypsy – yeah, absolutely no nastiness intended (except to Rammi) but I could see how it could be interpreted that way. My apologies!
@Honey- Meeeeeeee too! Come with us, I’ll take you both
@Lauren, I have no heard such a through and accurate explination of Step 9 since going to my first meeting for Athiests (sp) in LA with my Ex. and that was YEARS ago. I really just want to say thanks.
@ Judgy already forgotten. Let’s snark some Rammi!
Gypsy -Thank you. I won’t get into why I’m so current with this stuff, but you saying that means a lot to me.
SB- I didn’t mean to correct you so much as explain another aspect of amends. You were pretty right on with hat you said in the recap. I just wanted to make it clear that Mike has a lot more to do than just saying sorry, and while I respect that he’s clean, I don’t respect that he is essentially taking the easy road to his recovery.
Your recaps are awesome and I look forward to part 2.
@ Lauren — No worries, I appreciate you sharing so much information with us! I also appreciate being corrected when I’m wrong, because I’d rather be corrected and learn something than continue to mouth off inaccurately. I hope that, regardless of the reason why you are so on top of the ins and outs of 12 step recovery, things are going well. Lots of people try to take the easy road to recovery, especially the first time around. After all, they’ve been taking the easy road for so long by avoiding reality through using, taking shortcuts and manipulating circumstances to their own advantage is second nature. I’m glad you enjoyed the recap, still working on part 2… lots of stuff to cover there! Should have it up this evening, the internet gods permitting.
I’m still totally convinced that Vinny’s gay. And it appears that this season isn’t going to dissuade me of that notion. Lol Vinny’s less hung up on Nicole and more hung up on Pauly’s dick.
Their love makes me believe in soulmates! Don’t let me down this season P&V!!!
@VGirl, you never cease to astonish me. You must be the first person to come out and just say what many of us have sorta kinda suspected.
Being gay just doesn’t fit the Guido GTL mold, now does it? Come to think of it, neither Vinny nor Pauly was much for smushing, now were they?
No. I am NOT going through the epis to tally the scores.
I’m just going to say it: I like Mike *ducks*
@ Valleygirl — I would seriously love it if one day Vinny and Pauly came out and admitted that they really were in love and a couple.
@ Enrique’s Mole — So does Classy Drunk, so at least you’re in good company.
Just sent the part 2 recap in to be published. Sorry it took so long, next week’s will be up faster. Thanks for being so patient!
@snowshoecat: I can’t tell if you’re being facetious or not. Lol. But to be fair, Vinny isn’t a GTL guy. He’s smarter than all of them but the poor boy just wants to be Glinda popular with the cool kids.
Haha and I’m pretty sure that last season they got zero smushing so they were clearly doing something with each other or that was one sexually frustrated summer.