He tells the roommates that he’ll still jerk off, which I’m sure is a great comfort to them all.
Especially the girls.
Ronnie tells him that he can’t. “Why?” asks Vinny. “You can’t jerk off, and you can’t kiss a girl,” JMomm tells him. Vinny protests that he can make out, but Jenni insists that he can’t. “You can’t make out?” Vinny asks desperately. JMomm isn’t budging on this one. “That’s intimacy,” she says. “No oral.” she adds. Nothing but accidental nocturnal emissions allowed, kiddo! Ronnie clarifies that Vinny jerked off that morning, and why he knows that isn’t something I really want to ponder. “Eww!” Snooki shrieks. “In the shower?” Ronnie asks. They all laugh.
“So, I wanted to talk to you guys,” Snooki says. Vinny says that he’s scared now. “Like, at this point, what other big announcement can you have for me?” Pauly interviews. “I already know you’re pregnant.” Snooki says that she’s pregnant and has concerns, and coming into the house she was worried that it would be too messy, “when in reality I was the messiest anyway.” But she doesn’t think that a pregnant person should be in the house so she is considering getting her own place. The others are stunned.
“So Nicole drops a bomb on the roommates tonight, at Sunday dinner,” Jenni exposits, “and announces the fact that she is gonna move out. I’m not prepared for that shit.” I was prepared for that shit before they even started filming this season, as gossip sites all over the web were talking about how MTV was securing separate accommodations for Snooki. “I feel totally fine, like, hanging out with you guys,” Snooki reassures her roommates, “but I don’t wanna tell you guys to shut the fuck up, or say, ‘Don’t bring girls home cos I think it’s nasty for me to be around.’” Her pregnancy morality is really bizarre to me. What does it matter who her roommates are sleeping with if they’re not swapping bodily fluids with Snooki or being so loud that she can’t get any sleep?
Snooki interviews that she wants to move out because she doesn’t feel comfortable in a party house at six months pregnant. “I feel like it’s just not healthy for a baby, so I just want my own place where it’s nice and clean, and everything else I’ll be with the roommates for.” Well, Lorenzo, your mom’s logic is hurting my brain. Deena asks if they’ll still do all of their errands together, and Snooki says that her own place is just so she’ll have someplace where she can get some rest. “I object!” Vinny says, but when Snooki glares at him he quickly says that he’s just kidding. “I’m not being an asshole about it,” Snooki says. Vinny says he doesn’t like it and JMomm tells him to stop being selfish and think about Lorenzo.
Jenni interviews that she and Snooki have been sleeping in the same room for six bedrooms now and it’s sad that she won’t be there anymore. “But it’s not Nicole that has to leave, it’s Lorenzo that has to leave.” Do these people not understand how biology works? Tiny, fragile, still developing Lorenzo is remarkably well protected inside Snooki’s uterus, and unless she is engaging in irresponsible behaviour, being in that house is not going to do him any harm. It’s not like they’re cooking meth in the bathroom. Everyone smokes outside, and it looks like they’re keeping alcohol out of the house so far because of Mike. Unless Snooki isn’t getting any sleep, I really don’t understand why this is a dangerous environment for a fetus.
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