“Time to smush, guys!” Jenni says as the roommates walk into the house. JMomm tells Rawdger that she wants a shower. Deena goes to bed by herself. The girl Pauly brought home goes into the downstairs bathroom, and Mike and Pauly go upstairs to get ready to smush. Ronnie, who is feeling puckish now that he’s gotten the angry out of his system, decides that this is an opportune time to steal the bedding from the smush room bed.
And then Ronnie falls down the stairs.
“I took a blanket!” he boasts to Sammi, like a naughty kindergartner who knows it’s mean to dip a girl’s hair in paste, but it’s just so damn funny. “Whose blanket?’ she asks. “Ours,” he giggles. Sammi tells him he shouldn’t have done that, but he’s so amused by the whole thing, he carries the blankets into their bedroom and starts to spread them over the bed. “Shh, it’s fine, shh,” he tells Sammi. So their relationship has made the swing from fine, to acrimonious, to volatile, to parent/child over the course of like 6 hours. Please, for the sake of humanity, break up!
In MVP’s room, Mike approaches Pauly. “Yo. Um… kinda got something going down.” Mike tells Pauly that his girl says Pauly’s girl is having her period, but “she says she wants to get down, but she’s like, ‘I don’t know if he wants to.’” Pauly covers his face with his hand. “I’ll tell you to your face, she’s a cute chick, but…” Pauly says he doesn’t get down like that. Mike says he doesn’t get down like that either. “What do we do now?” Pauly asks. Mike interviews, “In the SWAG handbook, rule number 667 states that you cannot have sex with a girl who’s on her period, unless it’s your girlfriend, and unless it’s your girlfriend for a minute.”
So sayeth the handbook, so sayeth we all.
I have to say, Mike is striking me as much less sketchy this episode. His body language has been calmer so far, he’s making eye contact with the camera, and he’s speaking in intelligible sentences more often than he was in the previous episode. It’s entirely possibly that what I was chalking up to nefariousness was nothing more than (perfectly legitimate) nervousness. I’m still skeptical, but I’m willing to admit it if I’m wrong.
Mike and Pauly come downstairs. “What a damper,” Mike says. Pauly’s girl leans against the wall, laughing. “So,” Mike tells her, “You guys have a situation, so do we.” “We’ve got work,” Pauly interjects. “And you,” Mike says to Pauly’s girl, “have… something….” But the guys are totes willing to hang out some other time. Say, in five to seven days. Mike asks if they can reschedule. Pauly has his eyes fixed firmly on the wall. For the first time in the history of Jersey Shore (as far as I know) Mike and Pauly get the girls’ phone numbers! What is going on?!
You are about to enter a world. A world in which Mike Sorrentino actually might go to the trouble of picking up the phone, talking to a girl, and getting to know her somewhat before screwing her and then kicking her to the curb.