Kitchen Nightmares Recap: Blegh

Recaps

By BlueCanary | Monday, February 4, 2013 | 12:00 pm | 9 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Kitchen Nightmares, Recaps

Things don’t get too much better when Gordon’s food arrives, as his steak is RAWR. What is it with poor Gordon and his inability to get a piece of cooked meat on this show? After he sends that bullshit back to the kitchen, he can’t seem to stay in his seat, I guess figuring it’d be a waste of time considering how much the rest of his food is likely to suck. So he kills some time by prowling around and scraping grease and crumbs off various surfaces. Seriously, this place is fucking nasty—stray clumps of hair, some kind of scum on the tabletops, dust and debris everywhere. When he asks Tina the last time the place has been cleaned, she can’t even come up with an approximation. “We do our own cleaning,” she says. No so much, it seems.

After making a bunch of little filth piles all over the dining room, Gordon rejects his frozen-then-microwaved banana pepper, which he, hand to God, says is like eating a donkey cock. Because he’d comparatively know? He then shits all over the dream sauce and dry chicken. Dino is very upset that his dream sauce didn’t live up to its holy origins—apparently, it was a recipe inspired by God. Oh, dry the hell right on up with that line, Dino, you pretentious fuck, and leave deities out of this mess. I doubt any god would want to take credit for anything one that menu, so quit pointing fingers.

Gordon doesn’t buy that shit for a minute, and basically tells the siblings that they clearly don’t give a rat’s ass about their restaurant, especially since Dino doesn’t even have the sack to look him in the eyes. To be fair, Gordon does sort of resemble a basilisk, so Dino is just following his instincts. Our Gordon storms off and Tina goes to cry in the bathroom, while Dino just stands there with the same looks on his face that’s been on it the entire episode.

You know the one.

Gordon has not stormed off without purpose, though—he has a mission. He finds Tony to get his side of the story, and says it seems that Dino and Tina don’t care. Tony has been feeding the place money for the past five years just to keep it open, believing the line his kids are feeding him about the crappy economy being responsible for the problem. Gordon knows those blinders need to come off pronto, so he brings Tony along to witness the bullshit parade that is the dinner service.

Dino is expediting the kitchen, but it’s tough to expedite with your head up your own ass. Somehow the food makes it out, but unsurprisingly comes right on back in. Most of it is cooked from frozen and still cold or somehow nasty, entirely inedible even to palates that don’t belong to Gordon Ramsay. Then Gordon finds some old, rotten chicken, freaks out, and starts going through the fridge, where he finds all sorts of nasty, unidentifiable shit, much of it rotten, some literally growing fuzzy mold.

That’s not really mold, it’s just Dino’s unfinished science project from “college.”

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BlueCanary is as unorthodox a blend of optimistic and bitter, laid-back and anxious, motivated and straight up lazy tas one is likely to meet outside an unspecified institution. She spent the past decade holding a variety of job titles, including reporter, tech writer, production manager, and administrative assistant (the go-to job in this economy for folks who just HAD to get that English degree). She is currently living under the tiny yet powerful thumb of an awesome, pint-sized little dude, who wets himself and can't form full sentences (read: stay at home mom). Another tyrannical little thumb is gestating in her womb. She is a regular on The Neutral Corner podcast and blogs at www.mamamuzzle.com. 

Blue's as-yet-unpublished YA novel, The Nature of Echoes, is currently a Quarterfinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. If you'd like to check it out, a free excerpt is available to download at http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Echoes-ABNA-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3XFQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363378599&sr=1-1&keywords=eva+gibson+abna.

9 Comments

  1. 1
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    I hate episodes like this, where the kids basically crap all over their parents hard work and generosity.

    I don’t see this restaurant lasting. Dino just isn’t all there.

  2. 2
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted February 4, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    “. . . people who don’t specifically train for the restaurant business have no business opening a damn restaurant.”

    I like to think that “Mildred Pierce” could be a true story.

  3. 3
    hot cawfee
    Posted February 5, 2013 at 7:09 am

    First off—must just get this out there—I had no idea that tirmisu could get that ………dry. And the olive oil with all those crumbs—dont we all just know that this crew reuses the oil—reuse what the customer doesnt finish—yikes– back to reading

  4. 4
    hot cawfee
    Posted February 5, 2013 at 7:33 am

    And done!!!!—great recap BlueCanary!!!!!!!!!

    I am with you Sagi–poor Tony and his deep pockets. I wonder if he staked Tina in her flower shop???? I think no-there is hella resentment floating around that restaurant with the flies and God knows what else.

    Cranky– Mildred Pierce is Joan so awesome–and would love to see it on Broadway. Did not see the Kate Winslet mini-series in total. I agree –did this clown wake up one morning and say “I want to be a restauranteur” and then voila!!!! Dad ponies up for one. If so I was born into the wrong family—I want to be in my own B’way show and dont see Mr Cawfee or Papa Cawfee funding that.

    I got a chill when Gordon showed the vat of moldy sauce and one server thought the mold was basil (or another herb)——Lordy

    One thing I like to do is speculate on what we dont see and what is unsaid—-I agree that Dino the Clown has had some issues with some substance—-he looks hung-over. Maybe that was why he walked away for a couple of years. I dont remember seeing any bottles stashed about the kitchen—thats something I look for b/c I am nice girl. I also dont see Mom or a wife for Dino.

    Next week looks delightful!!!!!

  5. 5
    featherhead
    Posted February 5, 2013 at 7:49 am

    How does this guy own a resturant for 14 years and not know how to expedite the tickets? I call bs on that too. I felt so bad for the Dad, he should have closed it and walked away from those two clowns. Totally ovy that they don’t appreicate the Father. And what did that clown do when he left for over a year? Work? Learn how to run a resturant? Sat on his fat ass? I vote #3.

  6. 6
    hot cawfee
    Posted February 5, 2013 at 8:24 am

    Feather—maybe when God expedited while giving Dino the sauce recipe?????
    Gotta love God for multi-tasking

  7. 7
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 5, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Okay well obviously Dino and Tina are a couple of idiots. And that apology they gave their dad was some bullshit. I wonder what kind of stuff he’s let them get away with over the years to the point where they were perfectly content to wipe their asses with his money and drive his investment straight into the ground. Both of them needed their ass beat. Before anything else, the dad needed to send them outside, tell them to cut some switches, and proceed to thoroughly whup their asses so they could learn something. If that’s how they keep a restaurant, God knows how their houses and kitchens are at home. Filth and mold every damn where….I got a damn attitude just watching it. I can’t imagine if I had been there eating that junk.

    And the owners were one thing, but the line cooks were to be blamed too. The chicken was slimy and smelling! Why were they putting it on the grill?! I know they could smell it and feel it…rotten chicken is very distinct. And the sauce was moldy. They knew that shit was moldy, they saw the mold. What was stopping them from surreptitiously dumping it and putting a fresh batch? Like come on.

    At this point, I really feel like Kitchen Nightmares doesn’t really need to be happening. Like, if your restaurant is failing that badly, it’s definitely one (or all) of these things:
    1. It’s dirty as fuck in that bitch. Clean that shit up NOW before you kill someone or maybe even everyone by cultivating a new superstrain of botulism.
    2. You freeze or improperly store all your food and it’s nasty as fuck. Stop freezing your food and make it fresh.
    3. You or your chef’s recipes/practices suck. Go buy the Joy of Cooking and watch some Food Network, so your asses can learn to cook.
    4. You’re an insufferable, stupid, and/or stubborn twat. Go sit your ass down someplace so people can get shit done correctly.

    That’s pretty much it, problem solved.

  8. 8
    BlueCanary
    Posted February 5, 2013 at 11:44 am

    I don’t care how many improvements Gordon made–I would never, ever eat in a place run by people who let things get so nasty. The staff might have cleaned things up initially, but I doubt that changed the owners’ original slovenly ways. I’d bet money that there’s something festering in Dino’s kitchen AT THIS VERY MINUTE, which he will surreptitiously clear away before Gordon comes back for the follow up.

  9. 9
    kloewent
    Posted February 6, 2013 at 11:35 am

    I actually went to a restaurant in NOLA that Gordan had been to. When I saw it on the show, I was amazed, it was absolutely filthy and gross, and the owners were morons, but when we ate there it was lovely, clean, good food. One of the nicest meals we had in New Orleans. I think it was about 5 months after he had been there. I couldn’t imagine eating at Dinos and then seeing the way they work, make you puke!!!

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