Things don’t get too much better when Gordon’s food arrives, as his steak is RAWR. What is it with poor Gordon and his inability to get a piece of cooked meat on this show? After he sends that bullshit back to the kitchen, he can’t seem to stay in his seat, I guess figuring it’d be a waste of time considering how much the rest of his food is likely to suck. So he kills some time by prowling around and scraping grease and crumbs off various surfaces. Seriously, this place is fucking nasty—stray clumps of hair, some kind of scum on the tabletops, dust and debris everywhere. When he asks Tina the last time the place has been cleaned, she can’t even come up with an approximation. “We do our own cleaning,” she says. No so much, it seems.
After making a bunch of little filth piles all over the dining room, Gordon rejects his frozen-then-microwaved banana pepper, which he, hand to God, says is like eating a donkey cock. Because he’d comparatively know? He then shits all over the dream sauce and dry chicken. Dino is very upset that his dream sauce didn’t live up to its holy origins—apparently, it was a recipe inspired by God. Oh, dry the hell right on up with that line, Dino, you pretentious fuck, and leave deities out of this mess. I doubt any god would want to take credit for anything one that menu, so quit pointing fingers.
Gordon doesn’t buy that shit for a minute, and basically tells the siblings that they clearly don’t give a rat’s ass about their restaurant, especially since Dino doesn’t even have the sack to look him in the eyes. To be fair, Gordon does sort of resemble a basilisk, so Dino is just following his instincts. Our Gordon storms off and Tina goes to cry in the bathroom, while Dino just stands there with the same looks on his face that’s been on it the entire episode.
You know the one.
Gordon has not stormed off without purpose, though—he has a mission. He finds Tony to get his side of the story, and says it seems that Dino and Tina don’t care. Tony has been feeding the place money for the past five years just to keep it open, believing the line his kids are feeding him about the crappy economy being responsible for the problem. Gordon knows those blinders need to come off pronto, so he brings Tony along to witness the bullshit parade that is the dinner service.
Dino is expediting the kitchen, but it’s tough to expedite with your head up your own ass. Somehow the food makes it out, but unsurprisingly comes right on back in. Most of it is cooked from frozen and still cold or somehow nasty, entirely inedible even to palates that don’t belong to Gordon Ramsay. Then Gordon finds some old, rotten chicken, freaks out, and starts going through the fridge, where he finds all sorts of nasty, unidentifiable shit, much of it rotten, some literally growing fuzzy mold.
That’s not really mold, it’s just Dino’s unfinished science project from “college.”