Kourtney and Kim Doublecap: Cat Poo and the Scottleganger

Recaps

By CathodeTube | Wednesday, January 23, 2013 | 6:00 am | 10 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Kourtney and Kim, Recaps

The one thing wee kittens need is fresh Miami air! This somehow leads to pooping, and half-out-the-butt poo. Aw, is that a Bobby & Whitney tribute? Kim asks iPhone Siri what to do. Bwah! Siri says to cut the hair around the cat’s butt. Kim apparently does so with a giant scissors and then congratulates herself on being such a good mom.

Since she’s such a good mother, she should help Kourt… by calling Scott and telling him he really needs to come to this thriving Drunktropolis! “It can’t hurt to try,” she tells him, and the future-cam shows us a shot of a bunch of cops and sirens and general disorder.

Three guesses what they do in the next scene. Yup, eat and talk about Humperdud. I think Khlo is pissing me off more than she’s pissing off Kim.

Hey, Scott is here! He didn’t even take the time to shave and put on real clothes. Or maybe he has to wear a disguise to keep from getting c-notes stuffed in his mouth by random strangers. LD is in the building! Learning Disability? Oh, Lord Disick. Uccch. Well, Mercy likes him. All you theatre majors, Scott is Chekhov’s gun. Kim denies trying to create drama by inviting LD. Scott tries to stay awake days instead of nights, because it’s harder to party by day.

Lord of the Dunce

Kim and Kourtney chastise each other for their respective negligent mothering skills. Again, Mason seems like a regular little boy to me, and I’m kind of impressed.

Enter Jonathan Choadan, because Khlo needs someone else to talk to about how Kim’s not Hump-sessing enough. Choad’s totally yawning with his mouth shut the whole time, but he still calls Kim and picks at her ongoing divorce scab a little. This would have been an awesome time to product-place one of those phones where you can gossip and send an Instagram of a kitteh at the same time. Because Kim has to use two phones to do this like some kind of middle-class person.

Kim: Khlo, leave me alone about Hump.
Khlo: On one condition, which I’ll tell you later.

I think the next scene is out of order, because they Ko and Khlo already have on stupid YOLO pants, before Khlo and Kim are shown buying them. I don’t think even the super-rich need more than 2 pairs of YOLO pants, but I’ve been wrong before. I also read in my local free daily paper that YOLO is dead, and Ks, it’s just sad when you’re behind the Chicago RedEye on trends.

You’re Obviously Ludicrous Often

Khlo makes them all break plates on the balcony to release their Hump-gression, or whatever, and Kim is uncomfortable thinking about all those thousand-dollar place settings that already went back to the store. A shard flies astray and someone loses an eye. That someone is quietly paid a pile of cash to get a glass eye and go away.

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CathodeTube

CathodeTube has wanted to be a recapper ever since she read the MightyBigTV interview with Sars and James Van Der Beek. She lives in Chicago with her husband and baby son, and adores hip-hop, cop shows, competitive reality TV, and all foods involving melted cheese. She used to copyedit made-up blogs for the "reputation management" of people who got themselves on The Dirty or Mugshots.com. Turns out google-bombing doesn't work anymore, so now she writes product copy, is much happier, and still wears stretchy pants at all times.

10 Comments

  1. 1
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 6:40 am

    Excellent job Cat, one minor correction- I beleive when Scott stuffed the money in the Waiter’s mouth, it was in Vegas.

    Anyhoo, I say dump the lot and just show Mason and Scott. mason is adorable and Lord Dick 8is fun to watch!

    Gee, hope Kim doesn’t misplace her spawn like she did her cat!

    I see Kourt is still bossing Scott around, stinky as she is at the moment, what a schmuck. If I was Scott I would tell her to go fuck herself.

    Again, thanks for your recap so i don’t have to watch the entire show, keep up the good snark!

  2. 2
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 10:13 am

    Thanks Pat!! For the props and for clearing up Vegas. Past seasons are all one big-butted blur.

  3. 3
    JennBug
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    Great recap!! The Kardashians always bring families together!

  4. 4
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    “I had no idea that kittens just weren’t already trained to go in their litter box.”
    Kim Kardashian

    We live in a world where that’s a real quote now. These hos aren’t even trying to get people’s disbelief suspended.

    Kourtney’s just now started to notice tending to 2 babies is a lot of work. Most people that’ve got even a little bit of extra $ would just hire staff. Oh wait. They’ve already got like >9000 staff.

    But according to her sisters her sorry ass douchefart of a sperm donor’s the only person in the world that can help her get the stroller out. Maybe it’s 1 of those fancy biometric 1s from Japan. That’s set to his retina molecule secretions or something.

  5. 5
    JennBug
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    And who the fuck takes a kitten for a walk in Miami……carrying the poor thing on your shoulder like its an overpriced designer handbag???? No wonder the poor thing went crazy!!

  6. 6
    Considerthis
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 7:03 am

    Question – how pregnant is Kim now? When did they start filming this season? The point is was Kim pulling a bullshit lie by claiming she has fertility issues and might not never get pregnant when she actually was already pregnant? Anybody?

  7. 7
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    Considerthis, I think she was already knocked up- if indeed she is. I came to realize several years ago that of all these f-ing reality shows, this one is the most staged, and least realistic of all.

    Not sure about the fertility issues; I knoe Khloe has some, but as far as this douchebag, she lies so much she is most likely once again full of shit.

    Just my 2 cents…

  8. 8
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    I hope she knows kids aren’t born knowing how to use the toilet! Or maybe I don’t… I read somewhere she was due in July, which means she would have found out in November, or maybe December if she attributed her missed period to her aging womb…

  9. 9
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    … and I’m not sure when the show was filmed. Can’t tell seasons in Miami. I’ll find out!

  10. 10
    JennBug
    Posted February 11, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    I know I am super late on this, but Kim can not let her sisters have anything she doesn’t…….even when it’s fertility problems. Bullshit you’ve been dealing with them for awhile……she is a jealous hag!!!

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