Kourtney and Kim Doublecap: Cat Poo and the Scottleganger

Recaps

By CathodeTube | Wednesday, January 23, 2013 | 6:00 am | 10 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Kourtney and Kim, Recaps

Anyway, Dr. Quackenbush says Kim has low hormones because of her birth control, and this is stupid because we know she conceived since then, and I’m too busy worrying about her unborn kid to pay attention. I wonder if that kid has a contract with E! yet. I bet there’s a budget line item for “Baby West.” I used to think Kanye could do better, seeing as he has actual talent (whether it’s your thing or not, dude can make a record). Then I thought about it and realized that it’s not like Amber Rose is some kind of stripper Einstein (although she is marrying a guy called Wiz), and Yeezy’s doing exactly as well as he wants to do. By the time Kim’s face melts off, it will be time for a younger model anyway.

Butts on motorcycles! Ko & Khlo buy like a life-size Chia unicorn or something. The elevator smells like B.O., and first the blurry-faced guy riding it with them gets blamed. Then the Mexican food they ordered gets blamed. But actually the odorama is Kourtney.

Quack’s office. 50-year old ovaries or something. So, shouldn’t she be releasing cat-care hormones by now?

Khlo and Scott discuss Kourtney’s odoriferousness. Kourt is still on her anti-chemical kick and won’t use antiperspirant when she’s breast feeding. All players are tied for stupidest in this saga. Also, I don’t care.

Scott looks for office space to “work.” What does this fool do again? I thought he sold vitamin supplements for Kris. One of the building management dudes is his Scottleganger! This guy calls himself Chapman, and the resemblance is scary. The two men can’t stop grinning at each other. I think Chapman’s veneers are specially engineered to stick out in a friendly way though.

Hi, I’m your wife’s worst non-chemical nightmare!

Chapman likes racecars. Scott visibly drools. “Bromance” is bandied about. I like Khlo’s dress in this scene. I also want to see Chapman made up like a mime. And trapped in a box. Any box.

Kourt doesn’t want Scott to race cars with Chapman. Shocker.

Kim shows up at Choadan’s dressed like she’s going to the Oscars. She’s overcompensating for her slob-kabob stinky sister. Leave the postpartum lady alone, Kim, you jerk.

Date night! Scott and Chapman will be consummating their bromance with some dinner in the presence of their wifeys. Chapman’s wife has matching veneers that stick out even further than his. I wish the camera was following anyone else in that restaurant. Racecars, racecars, deep thoughts, kids, sanctimony, more bromance. Mrs. Veneers hides her face. “You’re not gonna kill yourself, but you’re gonna break bones,” Chapman helpfully explains about racing cars.

And suddenly, Scott has a racecar and helmet with his name on them, and he’s talking about his “natural ability” for this “sport.” Whatever happened to that grand piano he bought? Didn’t he have a natural talent for that? Cars are raced, and then the bros reactivate the mousse on their helmet-heads with water.

I’d hit that from the back.

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CathodeTube

CathodeTube has wanted to be a recapper ever since she read the MightyBigTV interview with Sars and James Van Der Beek. She lives in Chicago with her husband and baby son, and adores hip-hop, cop shows, competitive reality TV, and all foods involving melted cheese. She used to copyedit made-up blogs for the "reputation management" of people who got themselves on The Dirty or Mugshots.com. Turns out google-bombing doesn't work anymore, so now she writes product copy, is much happier, and still wears stretchy pants at all times.

10 Comments

  1. 1
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 6:40 am

    Excellent job Cat, one minor correction- I beleive when Scott stuffed the money in the Waiter’s mouth, it was in Vegas.

    Anyhoo, I say dump the lot and just show Mason and Scott. mason is adorable and Lord Dick 8is fun to watch!

    Gee, hope Kim doesn’t misplace her spawn like she did her cat!

    I see Kourt is still bossing Scott around, stinky as she is at the moment, what a schmuck. If I was Scott I would tell her to go fuck herself.

    Again, thanks for your recap so i don’t have to watch the entire show, keep up the good snark!

  2. 2
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 10:13 am

    Thanks Pat!! For the props and for clearing up Vegas. Past seasons are all one big-butted blur.

  3. 3
    JennBug
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    Great recap!! The Kardashians always bring families together!

  4. 4
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    “I had no idea that kittens just weren’t already trained to go in their litter box.”
    Kim Kardashian

    We live in a world where that’s a real quote now. These hos aren’t even trying to get people’s disbelief suspended.

    Kourtney’s just now started to notice tending to 2 babies is a lot of work. Most people that’ve got even a little bit of extra $ would just hire staff. Oh wait. They’ve already got like >9000 staff.

    But according to her sisters her sorry ass douchefart of a sperm donor’s the only person in the world that can help her get the stroller out. Maybe it’s 1 of those fancy biometric 1s from Japan. That’s set to his retina molecule secretions or something.

  5. 5
    JennBug
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    And who the fuck takes a kitten for a walk in Miami……carrying the poor thing on your shoulder like its an overpriced designer handbag???? No wonder the poor thing went crazy!!

  6. 6
    Considerthis
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 7:03 am

    Question – how pregnant is Kim now? When did they start filming this season? The point is was Kim pulling a bullshit lie by claiming she has fertility issues and might not never get pregnant when she actually was already pregnant? Anybody?

  7. 7
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    Considerthis, I think she was already knocked up- if indeed she is. I came to realize several years ago that of all these f-ing reality shows, this one is the most staged, and least realistic of all.

    Not sure about the fertility issues; I knoe Khloe has some, but as far as this douchebag, she lies so much she is most likely once again full of shit.

    Just my 2 cents…

  8. 8
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    I hope she knows kids aren’t born knowing how to use the toilet! Or maybe I don’t… I read somewhere she was due in July, which means she would have found out in November, or maybe December if she attributed her missed period to her aging womb…

  9. 9
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    … and I’m not sure when the show was filmed. Can’t tell seasons in Miami. I’ll find out!

  10. 10
    JennBug
    Posted February 11, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    I know I am super late on this, but Kim can not let her sisters have anything she doesn’t…….even when it’s fertility problems. Bullshit you’ve been dealing with them for awhile……she is a jealous hag!!!

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