Kourtney and Kim Doublecap: Cat Poo and the Scottleganger

Recaps

By CathodeTube | Wednesday, January 23, 2013 | 6:00 am | 10 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Kourtney and Kim, Recaps

Not-Kim and Not-Kim look for a new location for Dash. Khlo and Mason conspire to spray Kourtney with perfume. Mason tells Kourt she stinks like a bear. Awesome. She doesn’t want him spraying that dangerous perfume into his eyes, natch.

Hey, Mercy’s crapping in her box! And the cameras are still kind enough to show us the tiny turd! Kourtney has a fat tummy and can’t get her dress on or something. Hey Kourt, 3 words from one mommy to another: Cotton-spandex blend.

Scott’s seeing Chapman on the down-low. That is to say, he’s keeping his racecar driving, and anything that happens off camera or in his fantasies, a secret from Kourt. Great idea. Khlo suggests that he tell Kourt, and he should say that he also does not like some of the things she does, like going green and smelling bad.

Sushi place. Mmm… sushi.

I’m tired.

Kim wants to know why Kourtney doesn’t want to go to a wild-n-crazy movie with her sisters. I confess I’m actually listening to my son jump up and down in his bouncer while watching six plastic swollen lips flap up and down on TV. Show the sushi some more. No, not a gratuitous shot of Kim’s mouth on the tempura. Khrist. Anyway, Kim has a problem with Kourtney’s new, more mellow (“miserable” and “boring” per Kim) life with the kids. Hey Kim, some parents like spending time with their kids. This talk ends with Kourt throwing her napkin down and calling Kim a bitch, and turning her back so we can see her dress doesn’t shut all the way. Oof. That’s why everything I wear is pullover.

The other two follow Kourtney and her gaping dress out to the parking lot. It’s a stupid argument they’re having, but also, Kim’s not not a bitch. Kim takes shelter at the home of the Pippens, who have 4 kids and are therefore twice as boring as Kourt. Larsa boringly notes that it would be cool to have Kan the Louis Vuitton Don for a babydaddy. You can hear Kim’s mind running through this like a pentium II processor.

Khlo shows up in Kourt’s room with a bag full of deodorant sticks. Kourt’s not having any of them. So Khlo goes and chases Kim into the bar downstairs to try and make her cry. Egg levels… blood test… lightbulb! The truth is, Kim’s like reverse-psychologizing herself so she won’t be disappointed if it turns out she can’t conceive at all. Dude, she’s not deep enough to understand all that. Chalk it up to the more credible bitchiness.

Speaking of couples, Khloe and Kourt are getting massage together! After Khloe warns the masseuses about Kourt’s terrible odor and suggests they rub some of that dead-body stuff on their upper lips so they can even stand to touch her, Kourtney puts the staff out of the room and informs Khlo that her scent is called “au naturel,” not “stinky.” Who says you can’t learn anything from this show? Khloe explains that she didn’t want to be insensitive, that’s why she went around telling everyone on the planet that her sister smells like an onion jumped on a rotten egg and farted.

Kourtney notes that she has the confidence of a queef queen, so it ain’t no thing.

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CathodeTube

CathodeTube has wanted to be a recapper ever since she read the MightyBigTV interview with Sars and James Van Der Beek. She lives in Chicago with her husband and baby son, and adores hip-hop, cop shows, competitive reality TV, and all foods involving melted cheese. She used to copyedit made-up blogs for the "reputation management" of people who got themselves on The Dirty or Mugshots.com. Turns out google-bombing doesn't work anymore, so now she writes product copy, is much happier, and still wears stretchy pants at all times.

10 Comments

  1. 1
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 6:40 am

    Excellent job Cat, one minor correction- I beleive when Scott stuffed the money in the Waiter’s mouth, it was in Vegas.

    Anyhoo, I say dump the lot and just show Mason and Scott. mason is adorable and Lord Dick 8is fun to watch!

    Gee, hope Kim doesn’t misplace her spawn like she did her cat!

    I see Kourt is still bossing Scott around, stinky as she is at the moment, what a schmuck. If I was Scott I would tell her to go fuck herself.

    Again, thanks for your recap so i don’t have to watch the entire show, keep up the good snark!

  2. 2
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 10:13 am

    Thanks Pat!! For the props and for clearing up Vegas. Past seasons are all one big-butted blur.

  3. 3
    JennBug
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    Great recap!! The Kardashians always bring families together!

  4. 4
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    “I had no idea that kittens just weren’t already trained to go in their litter box.”
    Kim Kardashian

    We live in a world where that’s a real quote now. These hos aren’t even trying to get people’s disbelief suspended.

    Kourtney’s just now started to notice tending to 2 babies is a lot of work. Most people that’ve got even a little bit of extra $ would just hire staff. Oh wait. They’ve already got like >9000 staff.

    But according to her sisters her sorry ass douchefart of a sperm donor’s the only person in the world that can help her get the stroller out. Maybe it’s 1 of those fancy biometric 1s from Japan. That’s set to his retina molecule secretions or something.

  5. 5
    JennBug
    Posted January 23, 2013 at 9:56 pm

    And who the fuck takes a kitten for a walk in Miami……carrying the poor thing on your shoulder like its an overpriced designer handbag???? No wonder the poor thing went crazy!!

  6. 6
    Considerthis
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 7:03 am

    Question – how pregnant is Kim now? When did they start filming this season? The point is was Kim pulling a bullshit lie by claiming she has fertility issues and might not never get pregnant when she actually was already pregnant? Anybody?

  7. 7
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    Considerthis, I think she was already knocked up- if indeed she is. I came to realize several years ago that of all these f-ing reality shows, this one is the most staged, and least realistic of all.

    Not sure about the fertility issues; I knoe Khloe has some, but as far as this douchebag, she lies so much she is most likely once again full of shit.

    Just my 2 cents…

  8. 8
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    I hope she knows kids aren’t born knowing how to use the toilet! Or maybe I don’t… I read somewhere she was due in July, which means she would have found out in November, or maybe December if she attributed her missed period to her aging womb…

  9. 9
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted January 24, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    … and I’m not sure when the show was filmed. Can’t tell seasons in Miami. I’ll find out!

  10. 10
    JennBug
    Posted February 11, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    I know I am super late on this, but Kim can not let her sisters have anything she doesn’t…….even when it’s fertility problems. Bullshit you’ve been dealing with them for awhile……she is a jealous hag!!!

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