Kourtney and Kim Recap: Dead Air

Khlo and Scott go on Chapman’s boat. If you hadn’t noticed in the previous two Chapman-featuring eps, he and Scott look alike.

This is riveting, you guys.

There are more scene transitions in this show than actual dialogue. Rob arrives, and he and Scott do this elaborate handshake/cheek kiss thing.

After which Rob tries to kiss Scott on the mouth and is rebuffed.

Looks like he got lost on his way to Storage Wars.

His tats look horrible, like he just let Mason draw on him and then got out the needle. I think he’s got his dad on one arm, but Robert Sr. looks more like Christopher Walken.

Kourt still wants a house. She can Not. Live. Like. This. in a hotel. Aww, pobrecita. Kim prefers to live in the hotel because of the gym and the room service.

During the commercials, I clean up cat vomit, and I tell you this because this show has destroyed my ability to tell the interesting from the pointless.

Rob can’t stay off the twitter. Kim cautions him against getting used by lame girls. The abovementioned siblings go clubbing with Choadan and Mrs. Pippen, and Rob gets/gives a double motorboat from/to some random girls. I wish this stupid show would give me more to work with. The other three leave Rob at the club and go home to talk about him. Kim’s 10 inches of cleavage think he’s insecure ’cause he’s gained weight.

Kim and Kourt go looking for a giant estate. Kourt is worried about kid-friendliness. They both camera-talk about how grateful they are to even be able to afford such a roller rink of a house. Unfortunately, I made that last part up.

Scott and Khlo go fo’ fro yo. Scott sort of flirts with Khlo, out of boredom, I can only guess. He likes the way she gets down on her ice cream cone. Someone please give this poor dude a hummer.

House hunting. Six bedrooms in the main house, and two in the guest. Sigh. If you like pretty homes, this scene would be interesting if you took these ungrateful brats out of it and unblurred the art on the walls. Kim’s room is too small for her liking. It’s not faaaaiiiir that Kourt gets the master bedroom. Hey Kim, Marie Antoinette called and said to get over yourself, or something.

This shot is meant to illustrate the gaping space these women have where most of us have a soul.

Another several minutes of my life are lost while they go back and forth about who gets what room.

Kim takes off her seat belt and takes her hands off the steering wheel to drive. A semi truck plows over her like she’s a speed bump, and we see her head bouncing along behind it, her hair caught between two of the 18 wheels. I’m dying here, you guys.