The breast milk plot is thickening ‘cause the supply is dwindling. Kim takes this opportunity to say “get high off my own supply,” which is something I’ve heard Kanye say, and shut up Kim, don’t just insert phrases at random. Your breast milk would curdle instantly. Can we dispense with this plot line for the love of all that is holy? It’s 10 kinds of wrong every time you bring it up, Kim. Stop bringing it up again and going “how about now?”
Chumpan, I think, is coping with this whole thing through marijuana maintenance. He actually says “God, you’re so smart” to Kim and it sounds like he means it. And it sounds dopey, as if his judgment were impaired.
Bla bla bla Kim says she needs breast milk for the cat. Kourtney’s not buying it, because she has fewer rocks in her head than Kim has. Out comes the breast pump. Chumpan eventually wears the breast pump, because Kourtney won’t give up the
funk milk unless he does, and these people all would be institutionalized if they weren’t rich. Stop using that cat as a prop, Kim, you lump of pure evil.
Ko confronts Sco ‘cause she got an email saying he’s going back to New York. What’s up with that, she asks. I can’t win with you. Evah. says Scott. We need to hash this out ‘til our faces turn blue, says Ko. No, says Sco, because I’ve given up.
I grew my beard again. I’m ready to skulk back to my cave.
If they’re in couples counseling together, Scott wasn’t paying attention when the therapist taught them about “I” statements, which still doesn’t make Ko any less wrong. What is Scott holding? Is that a plastic lion? Somehow they make up and say nice things to each other. Yawn.
Devious music again! Kim’s hooked on the stuff. Her need for the boobie milk has made her weave even rattier and her clothes even slovenlier. Take heed kids. This stuff is serious. She’s lost interest in the things she used to care about because her every thought is consumed by the boobie milk. She doesn’t even smuggle it away this time, she needs it so bad she just flops down in front of the open fridge and starts dabbing it all over her little autoimmune patches. So of course Ko walks in on her and protests that this is not okay. Ko says what Cho said – Kim should have asked. I swear, the homeless guy in front of the 7-11 has more class than Kim.
Fro Yo! And Ko and Sco and Dani the honorary bro. Dani is charming as always, and Ko likes her! Whoa. Her heart grew three sizes that day, or her frozen heart was melted into a syrupy goo or something. Mmm… fro yo.
And Kim and Ko make up, too, because it’s the end of the show. Ko even agrees to let Kim use her breast milk if Kim will let her spray it right from the boob. I’m not making this up because I wouldn’t make this up. I wouldn’t think about it at all if I didn’t have to. Princess Kim makes Ko rub the fresh breast milk into her little autoimmune spots, or as I like to call them, places where evil has burst through the skin. Princess Kim thinks Ko’s breast milk is disgusting unless it’s contained in a bottle from which she can take little dabs. Everyone says eeew, and that’s it for this week’s Lifestyles of the Crass and Stupid. Join us next week, when Bruce Jenner is a huge plastic baby.