Kourtney and Kim Recap: Krime Scene Irritation

Recaps

By CathodeTube | Monday, March 11, 2013 | 7:59 am | 6 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Kourtney and Kim, Recaps

Hey Gasmii! Welcome to Episode 8 of Kourtney & Kim Take Penicillin Dictation a hint and get off my TV Miami. My name is CathodeTube, and I am in hell. I wish this were the BBC, so this would be the last episode of the season.

Our lead-in involves Kim getting her blood sucked drawn, put in a centrifuge, and then injected back into her face to make her look more like a RealDoll younger. She squeals like a pig, even after telling the facialist to forgo the numbing agent. Kim tells the kam she’s always looking for new kinds of facials. We know. Choadan’s there, too, but not to get a facial. He likes to watch. I think some of his drool may have mixed in with Kim’s blood and gotten injected into her face. I can only assume that was his plan all along.

The city of Miami wants to give Kim and Kourtney the key to the city, because apparently David Caruso was busy or already has one. The city guy mentions he used to be Police Chief and can hook Kim up with a ride-along.

Oh, I’ll bet he can.

Kim tells nobody that she has a sick and twisted fascination with crime. Well okay then. We flash back to this one time when Bruce was getting some hot android action on the side, and Kim donned some aviators and sat in a golf cart and watched. Naturally, this qualifies her for the top-notch gumshoe work she does in the rest of the ep. She says if she wasn’t doing what she’s doing now (which is what, again?) she’d be a cop or a private eye. I’m not even gonna dignify that statement by calling bullshit on it.

Night falls on Miami. Scott reminds Kourtney she’s fat. Actually, she brings it up, and although he is a dick about it, I’m done having sympathy for her because I don’t think she’d be happy with a nice guy, a polite guy, a guy with a job, or a guy with an emotional age above 12. It’s not like she’s trapped in this relationship. 

Then she asks if sucking in your cheeks makes your ass look better. I don’t know where she got that idea.

Kim, Choad, and poor Larsa Pippen who has nothing better to do go driving in the bad areas of Miami to prepare for Kim’s ride-along. Actually, they roll in a car while Kim sits in the driver’s seat and messes with her teeth in the rearview mirror. What would be awesome is if they did some property damage due to her bad driving and she went to jail. They stick their expensive phone out the window to photograph some kids jumping a fence. Kim says she’s high off that, then illegally talks on her phone while driving, and again fails to get punished.

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CathodeTube

CathodeTube has wanted to be a recapper ever since she read the MightyBigTV interview with Sars and James Van Der Beek. She lives in Chicago with her husband and baby son, and adores hip-hop, cop shows, competitive reality TV, and all foods involving melted cheese. She used to copyedit made-up blogs for the "reputation management" of people who got themselves on The Dirty or Mugshots.com. Turns out google-bombing doesn't work anymore, so now she writes product copy, is much happier, and still wears stretchy pants at all times.

6 Comments

  1. 1
    Holyterror
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    This was possibly the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen, even by reality TV standards. The whole “Kim’s just riding along, but then becomes the super-sleuth who breaks the case” thing practically had my jaw on the ground. First of all, the shots of her big fat ass just completely in the way of the police even being able to move around the rime scene. And second, what kind of PI couldn’t have found the information on Google that our new wide-end ace sleuth found. Whadda ya wanna bet they find the girl next week, and it’s ALL BECAUSE OF KIM’S LEAD THAT NO PI OR POLICEMAN COULD HAVE FOUND.

    Sweet Jesus on a waffle cone …

  2. 2
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    Holyterror, you took the words right out of mouth (Meatloaf sang that!) I caught a few minutes here and there, as an ex PO I was offended. No way would we have ever done a ridealong with a woman who claims to be a celebrity…. I couldn’t even watch those parts for more than a minute, so stupid. When the hell is this going to go off the air? Enough already, sick of Fatass, sick of them all, except Mason! Yeah sure, Kim solved the case! Give me a f-ing break, this goes down as the most moronic epi ever. Btw, what does that mean, K&K take Miami? Where are they taking it? To hell maybe, ’bout it

  3. 3
    Clair Clair
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    http://www.mandatory.com/2013/03/01/todays-funniest-photos-3-1-13/7

    Bwaaahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

  4. 4
    Holyterror
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    @Pat Ledoux,

    And also the whole charade that no one she ran into knew the most ubiquitous person in the media, in full makeup.

    My favorite part was the PI calling the girl’s father and saying it was him “and Kim Kardashian,” and then he let her take over talking to the father WHOSE DAUGHTER MIGHT BE BEING FORCED INTO PROSTITUTION. Wouldn’t he rather talk to a SANE PROFESSIONAL?

    Uh migod … (Face. Palm.)

  5. 5
    TVgasm Addict
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    Cathode Tube, This recap was hysterical. And this rediculous family gives you quite alot to work with. I love how you called their rental a palace. And I totally noticed Kim and Larsa were talking on a gold phone, too. Could they BE more rediculous? Why oh why does Kim never sit anywhere besides her closet? I just considered sitting in my closet…where all the skirts would be hanging on my head and I’m sitting on heels and flip flops…

    Also, the story line about the PI working with Kim….uh what professional is looking for a fame-whore with a cartoon ass (who wears invisi-pants) to assist him? Fara(h)’s family knew they were f’d from the start.

  6. 6
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    Thanks TVgasm Addict!

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