Kourtney and Kim Recap: Krotch Kontest

Recaps

By CathodeTube | Tuesday, March 19, 2013 | 9:40 am | 10 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Kourtney and Kim, Recaps

Hey Gasmii, it’s that time again! Time for shots of the Miami airport and Kim with a rare messy hairdo! I think she’s trying to tell us she had sex on the plane. Which makes it weird that she doesn’t just come out and say she just had sex on the plane. Anyway, Kauuunye – I hate the way she whinily says his name – took her to Italy and they ruined many a religious landmark with the presence of their ugly mugs and caught it all on camera. Also, Kim made some girl cry, so overcome in the presence this “celebrity.” Oh Kim, you make me cry approximately once a week. And not in a good way. Kourtney’s getting her makeup done as Kim tells her about the Italy trip, so she’s not obligated to pretend she cares with her face, just to grunt periodically, as if she were a husband.

And she can roll her eyes with impunity! Nicely played.

Just throwing this out there, but Roya and/or Shieva from Dash totally have a case for sexual harassment against these three gaping twats (four if you count Scott). Khloe just now at age 30-or-so learned about ben wa balls and wants to share her knowledge with everyone in the room, and she gets “pussy” or possibly the C word bleeped out about 100 times in this scene. I’ve probably known about ben wa balls since before the internet, and maybe I’m advanced, but maybe these girls are also stupid. Khloe… puts them in, gets them stuck, and then Kourtney dislodges them with a slap on the ass, or so we’re supposed to think. Hey, drinking game! Drink every time one of these people acts 12.

If only the dollars that are spent keeping these shitheads on TV could be spent on health care or education…

Momager calls to say that Khloe got the X-Factor job as the Brian Dunkelman to Mario Lopez’s Ryan Seacrest. Everyone squeals and Khloe says she’s nervous, and later she falls on the floor. They show about 60 seconds of a chaotic backstage, which I’m guessing Cowell & Co. got paid for, and I’m going to venture another guess that there’s some kind of vertically, diagonally, and horizontally integrated marketing plan involving the K-Dashes, Cowell, Seacrest, and that Nigel dude getting ever richer while you and I get ever poorer paying inflated prices for a bunch of commercial products we go out and buy in spite of ourselves.

I dunno, if I’m a wannabe star and I look out and see I’m being “judged” by Britney Spears and Demi Lovato, two of the least stable Disney kids not named Lohan ever, what does that tell me about my future? Is it part of these kids’ dream of stardom that they go completely off the rails at one point? When they dream of fame and fortune, do they also dream the subsequent psych hospitalizations? Oh, to be young and dumb and marginally talented.

Pages: 1 2 3 4
CathodeTube

CathodeTube has wanted to be a recapper ever since she read the MightyBigTV interview with Sars and James Van Der Beek. She lives in Chicago with her husband and baby son, and adores hip-hop, cop shows, competitive reality TV, and all foods involving melted cheese. She used to copyedit made-up blogs for the "reputation management" of people who got themselves on The Dirty or Mugshots.com. Turns out google-bombing doesn't work anymore, so now she writes product copy, is much happier, and still wears stretchy pants at all times.

10 Comments

  1. 1
    Pegalicious
    Posted March 19, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    I frankly despise the K-Klan, so I have no idea why I read this recap. Maybe it’s because I just finished a long project at work and I’m taking a few minutes to veg. This seems an especially appropriate topic for mindless entertainment.

    I have two brothers, but no sisters… but even if I DID have sisters, I can’t imagine nattering on about crotches (or is that “krotches”?) as much as these women do. (I just turned 68, and believe me, I didn’t carry signs at Philadelphia City Hall in the early ’70s hoping that overprivileged broads would someday go on television and engage in twat talk. Um, is it OK to say “twat”?)

    And they want me to believe Khloe never heard of ben-wa balls? Yeah. I’m totally convinced.

    Love my captcha: mumbo jumbo.

    Thanks for watching this krap on our behalf, CathodeTube.

  2. 2
    Clair Clair
    Posted March 19, 2013 at 1:22 pm

    I have no words. Okay, I have one word – sick.

  3. 3
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted March 19, 2013 at 1:31 pm

    Those girls are messed up and totally innappropriate.
    As a mother I would CRINGE if my daughter acted like this.

    But then again this shows how MommaKris is truly a pimp. She’ll let her hoes do the most awful things in the name of her God, Money.

  4. 4
    Olivia
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 5:07 am

    Even more disturbing are those morons who show up to applaud this trash family as if they had actually contributed something useful to the planet.

    Trash, trash, trash.

  5. 5
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 6:04 am

    I can tell you Khloe SUCKED on X Factor and I believe she has been let go, because I think Simon Cowell does listen to the minions.

    God, I wish these people would go away, when is their 15 minutes going to be up? I can’t believe they had a crotch smelling test, they are truly disgusting. Producers can’t come up with a better story?

    If Scott can fly a Butler in from London, then America should be ashamed for supporting these people. Nice for the struggling middle class to see.

    Loved your recap as always Cat!

  6. 6
    considerthis
    Posted March 20, 2013 at 8:58 am

    @Cathode – Great Job as to document this bullshit is a herculean task!

    I normally just take shitty TV at face value but this was a new low even for the K Klan. Sex shock value is so overplayed by this group and especially Khole (who I actually like the best). The Ben Wah Balls and trying to remove them + Pineapple pussies was so unbelieveablly unnessary that if this is ALL you have to offer the audience it is really time to go away. The way they ordered the minions to fetch them pineapple juice was so condescending and these are employees of the hotel who need not partake in your pussy smell contest.

    Can’t imagine how proud Mason will be in 10 years when he can show his 7th grade buddies how his mom drank alot of juice, grabbed a cloth napkin, went to the bathroom, wiped her crotch and gave it to Aunt Khole to take a whiff.

    Maybe my moral compass just kicked in (better late than never) as I also couldn’t help but think that the money Lord Dick spent on his “coming out” party could have fed a family of 4 of a friend of mine who lost his job for about a month. This excess and greed is just too much!

  7. 7
    Yelly
    Posted March 21, 2013 at 7:57 am

    I used to actually like these girls but I gave up on them a few seasons ago. I thought I was the only one who ate pineapple for that reason but this was utterly disgusting, I can’t even find the words.

  8. 8
    darlingclementine
    Posted March 21, 2013 at 9:45 pm

    I have just been trying to figure out how you even think as sisters to smell each others crotches. On a napkin or not that is nasty! I guess this is what makes “good tv” but UGH that is so gross! And Kim totally sprayed that napkin with something. And what was with that vigorous dry hump right afterward? Like if were not careful they are all going to make a sex tape together when they are strapped for kash.

  9. 9
    Robin Robin
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 12:33 am

    “Like if were not careful they are all going to make a sex tape together when they are strapped for kash.”

    It is probably sitting on a shelf in Kris’s office as we speak.

  10. 10
    CathodeTube CathodeTube
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    Thanks for reading and commenting, all. I like getting progressively appalled with you.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.