Kourtney and Kim Recap: “Spend a Little More Money So You Don’t Eat Someone’s Face”

Recaps

By CathodeTube | Wednesday, February 20, 2013 | 10:01 pm | 8 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Kourtney and Kim, Recaps

Kim has the snuffles. People grimace at her flying mucus germs. 

Roya gets the goo trifecta of snot, sweat, and hair product.

I believe Kourt says in the talking head bit that she doesn’t want Kim contaminating the whole house. Lady, I have 4 letters for you: SSRI.

So Kim calls Dr. Boris.

He says he can’t diagnose her over the phone. She asks if they have doctors in Miami who can help her. I don’t know how to answer that. Neither does Dr. Boris.

Khloe and Kim go out exploring. They ask a random dude on the street for help finding some Cuban coffeeditos, and they talk about being “woke right up”. Then, they may or may not buy a bag of detergent from this blurry-faced dude and his friend.

Kourt tells her sisters Scott just said he wanted a third child. Er, last episode was sarcasm, I think. Or facetiousness, at least. Also it’s been established that Scott has the hornies. I don’t know why he doesn’t just rub one or ten out in one of the 28 rooms in that house. It’s quicker and he doesn’t have to do any listening afterward. I’ve finally realized that Scott is 12, and his function on the show is to just make crude innuendo to whomever’s around.

Hopefully Mason will be grown up soon to help Kourt travel with 2 more babies if she has another. That is, if QVC has them back to hawk whatever they’re hawking in 2015. Or they could just replace her. Like a Dick Sargent/Dick York/Beckies on Roseanne thing. Someone named Ckourtney (not Love) could just show up and play her. 

Because the current situation is not. Acceptable. To Choadan, a random but special and fiercely devoted friend of Kim. He and Kourt have words about how his head’s up Kim’s ass and Kourt doesn’t do any work and she’s a bitch. WTF is Choadan’s stake in this? What is his stake in her life ever? WhoTF asked him for a response to (my boyfriend) John Hamm when he said Kim was a vacuous idiot, or whatever. STFU, Choad. Nobody likes you, for real.

The Slap Heard ‘Round the Room

As reality TV slap scenes go, this one’s way down there on the list. If this was a trading card, you’d need like 250 of them to equal one NSFW Pumkin Spits on New York.

His face does kind of have a red hand outline on it afterward. I guess he was kinda keyed up after having taken a treacherous moped ride (after which Kim just bought 4 mopeds for the fam, blase as you please about it, like she’s picking up a couple 6-packs for a party. Because what Kourtney needs right now is a moped. Or Scott. Or Khloe, we learn shortly. Now Kim… maybe my dream of her head bouncing behind a semi really will come true.)

I miss this nitwit.
 
Kim has to give away Mercy, and Kanye, I’m afraid the blame lies with you for this one. Because the cat got sick and died a couple months later, allegedly from a breeder-related condition. A DOZEN OR TWO ROSES WOULD HAVE DONE THE TRICK. I wouldn’t put it past these soulless gashes to have retroshot all these allergy doctor scenes to cover up the fact that she just forgot about the cat and it wandered off.
 
You rubbed what on your psoriasis?
 
Then Khloe goes on her whole gotta-have-my-coffee moped spree in the middle of the night, during which she drops her keys down a sewer grate while she’s hamming it up and throwing herself against closed Cuban coffee shop window after door after… woman, can you not afford a cappuccino maker? Or just a Keurig? Scott has to come pick her up from near where the bath salts incident happened, and it’s like that time on The Simpsons when Lisa stayed on the bus all the way past Crackton. And Khloe just leaves her brand new moped in a ditch or something.
 
Then they have scenes where they talk about the scenes that already happened and WE WERE THERE and I’m just so distracted by all the restaurants. I need to go make myself either a martini or a latte. ‘Til next time, my lovelies!
 
This is me a lot of 5:49 ams, except their couch is less purple and where I have walls, they have other rooms.
 
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CathodeTube

CathodeTube has wanted to be a recapper ever since she read the MightyBigTV interview with Sars and James Van Der Beek. She lives in Chicago with her husband and baby son, and adores hip-hop, cop shows, competitive reality TV, and all foods involving melted cheese. She used to copyedit made-up blogs for the "reputation management" of people who got themselves on The Dirty or Mugshots.com. Turns out google-bombing doesn't work anymore, so now she writes product copy, is much happier, and still wears stretchy pants at all times.

8 Comments

  1. 1
    darlingclementine
    Posted February 20, 2013 at 10:50 pm

    didnt even mean to watch the kardashians but it happened.

    What is up with Johnathon like what is his stake in never leaving Kim’s side? I guess she does need someone to play her \friend\.

    Khlo loves hamming it up for the camera and its just so obvious in the eps that she is in for this show. I think she feels she is the excitement and wishes she had been a part of the title.

    Anyway thats all of the comments I can think of. I usually do more thinking about the restaurants they are in than the actual talking as well. Would be a good show to advertise a restaurant in.

  2. 2
    Tamitha
    Posted February 20, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    Just curious- How does someone make it past 30yrs old without having found out they are allergic to cats by then?

  3. 3
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted February 21, 2013 at 6:30 am

    So, I caught this episode yesterday when it was on as a rerun and I was just to lazy to change the channel. Anyway, when Khloe dropped her keys down the gutter, did anyone else wonder why she had to call and wake up Scott when an entire production team was filming just a few feet away?

    Also, @Tamitha: Sometimes, people don’t know they’re allergic to cats until they own one. A good friend of mine was about 27 when he found out he was allergic. He had been around my cats a decent amount of times and had no reaction. However, when he and his girlfriend adopted a cat of their own, he found out he was allergic after a few weeks. Being around the dander and allergen 24/7 was WAY different than just being around my cats once every few weeks – at least for him.

  4. 4
    Olivia
    Posted February 21, 2013 at 6:59 am

    The poor cat was allergic to Kim!

    If Mercy could have found the keys to a moped she would have been out of there sooner.

  5. 5
    Dizzle
    Posted February 21, 2013 at 7:02 am

    Choad is so fing vile. Clearly he’s a famewhore and wants to skin Kim and wear her.

  6. 6
    considerthis
    Posted February 21, 2013 at 9:54 am

    While Choad has no purpose and the Kard Klan already has a no purpose \male\ relative enter RobSox. I do not think he was too off base with the venom he was spewing at Kourt.

    If you want to be a stay at home (that your sister bought for you and you have taken over) mom then be a stay at home mom. I’m sure you have enough $ to afford that choice BUT if you are going to be a working mom then make/honor that choice. Flip Flopping between both when it suits you is just another example of what a spoiled entitled cunt you are. Everybody is afraid of Kourt and alwasy give in to her whiney ways and for once somebody said go fuck yourself to her and look how she reacted – violently. All these perfect motherly ways that she tries to exude just went to hell when she slapped him. What would Penelope think?

    All that breast milk loaded with butter has got to be so unhealthy as well – maybe try Jim Beam as it couldn’t be any worse and might make you smile (doubt it).

  7. 7
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted February 21, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    Maybe Khloe can go to Promises now. And then do a motivational speaking tour. To tell young people how she overcame addiction and they can too.

  8. 8
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted February 22, 2013 at 8:20 am

    Cathode, after reading your simply mahvelous dahling recap, I decided to watch some of this episode.

    I was thinking a few years back when Khloe and Kourt were “Lost in the evergaldes of Florida” how stupid that was cause how could they be lost with a camera crew with them? Now it happens again with Khloe and a moped, losing the keys? Yeah, real drama. Barf… Anyhoo, I found myself dozing off, these people are so f-ing boring. I believe the whole purpose of this show is to show us regular folk that our lives suck and don’t you wish you were a Kardashian? (I don’t). Will their 15 minutes ever come to an end??? Seacrest, enough already with the K family

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