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We see the couple meet on the notorious clusterfuck that was Cleopatra. They spend the first quarter of an hour hurling insults at each other. It’s tedious. There is no sexual chemistry, so sizzling undercurrent of “I want to rip your clothes off.” Just “I want to rip your voicebox out because that croak belongs on a truckstop hooker not one of the world’s most glamorous and desirable beauties. The only source of amusement I felt came from wondering if everything on that set was made of Styrofoam spray-painted gold or if it simply just looked that way.
That posture is just so low-class, I am rage-filled at the sight of it. Not only is she playing an icon, she’s playing an icon playing a queen. Sit up straight and show some pride. I’m only surprised she’s not popping gum.
The director’s choice of having Elizabeth and Richard address the audience, as if they were at some kind of Q&A discussing their relationship and careers? Is cringe-worthy. And way too harshly lit to hide Lohan’s terrible plastic surgery. That’s a face molded out of plastic and born for the shadows. I did have a eye-rolly thought that these segments were taking place beyond the grave, as Liz and Dick spend eternity boring a rapidly dwindling audience to tears. And would it have killed the makeup artist to actually fix the red lipliner smearing across Lohan’s face? Or did they even have a makeup artist? Maybe they made Lohan do her own face – which would explain the tacky-ass job.
Eddie Fisher is dispensed with handily (my second least favourite of La Liz’s husbands) but Richard’s wife Sibelle is a bit more difficult to get rid of. When Richard tries to break things off with Liz, she retaliates by washing down some pills with booze in a patently manipulative suicide attempt. We see Liz running down the hall in a negligee, flashing the world her dirty bare feet. I’m sorry, but Elizabeth, even in her most broke-down times, was an impeccably and beautifully groomed woman. At least, that’s the image she created and how we remember her. The grotty feet were a poor acting choice. Likely I wasn’t the only one in the audience who recoiled and thought “Ugh, trailer park feet.”
How can someone look grimy and fetid WHILE bathing? Also, doesn’t she have stroke-face? It’s those cheekbones and the puffy skin, I think.
In the Switzerland segment we see Liz being a terrible mother, lolling drunk next to her children. She meets up with Richard, wearing a ridiculous fur hat and chunky diamond necklace that is not at all suited for a coffee date. The fur and the jewels might not look so ridiculous if they weren’t so obviously cheap-cheap-cheap! I’ve never seen such terrible costuming . Lohan’s wig looks greasy and crooked.