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Liz and Dick Recap: Is anyone surprised Lindsay Lohan ended up in a movie with …& Dick in the title?
Friday, November 30, 2012
6:00 am
19 Comments
Tagged: "lindsay lohan", bad plastic surgery, cheap, cokehead, dina lohan is the greatest mom in the world, faces of meth, flipit, funny, hilarious, humor, Lifetime, Lohan, recap, recaps, sarcastic, terrible, trashbag, trashy
Posted in:
Recaps
Honestly, when the jewelry looks like something I could easily afford, you’ve failed, producers.
For two actors playing such wealthy people, they dress in appallingly cheap clothes. And Lohan’s face often looks dirty instead of made-up. Liz in the late 60s and 70s wore a lot of makeup. But her face looked made up, not dirty.
Sorry, just wanted to rest my eyes for a minute. She is magnificent, non?
The action moves to London as Liz and Richard film The VIPs. It’s just a flimsy backdrop against their drinking and fighting and fucking. I know Elizabeth Taylor was an earthy, blowsy, sultry woman. What I have a hard time picturing is her looking as trashy and truck stop as Lindsay Lohan slinking across the room in a poorly cut and ill-fitting slip only to hike up her skirt and sit on Grant Bowler’s lap. Horrifying. And that scene where Elizabeth pounds a nail into the wall of the hotel so she can hang the Van Gogh? I can see Elizabeth Taylor doing something so self-centered and destructive. But I can also see her getting away with it because she was fundamentally a charming and magnetic person. The way Lohan is playing her, I wanted to see her get turfed for property damage. I just cannot describe how singularly charmless Lohan’s Taylor was.
We follow the lusting, selfish duo from the Old World to the New. They land in Montreal where they get married and begin an artistic life in New York. We’re an hour and a quarter in before we get to Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.
Again, sideshot equals a shot that is not jarringly Lindsay Lohan is playing dressup and failing miserably.
There is no story – just an endless series of two rather ugly people drinking and fighting and pissing money against a supposed backdrop of Euro hotspots. Because this was shot on a shoestring, we don’t actually see much more than hotel rooms and cars. It couldn’t be a more obvious Lohan-exploitation flick if they actually Photoshopped in a billboard that said “We only hired her so you idiots would watch this trainwreck.” Every other character is barely sketched in. Grant Bowler, a poor man’s Alec Baldwin with a hint of seedy, drunken, quotidian Sean Bean rather than sexy heroic Lord of the Rings Sean Bean.
This movie is a disgrace. It took a story that had already been written – gloriously! – and turned it into turgid tripe. La Liz’s cancer scare is used merely as a device to get Richard back by her side. She whines “I want Richard,” the way I whine “I want a magazine and a cup of coffee.” Infuriating. The most realistic part of the endless two hours were the scenes set in the 80s when Burton died. Lindsay, not surprisingly with all her terrible plastic surgery and dead eyes, carried the 80s style off with a dollar-store-Joan-Collins panache.
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19 Comments
Sourcake, the best thing about this mess was your recap and that I learned a new word, quotidian. ITA about the trailer feet. La Liz would have had a pedi before the shot.
“After all, we were all running around in flannel and shooting heroin.”
Best summary of the ’90s EVER. At least, the parts that I remember.
Even horse face Julia Roberts has an Oscar–so it may not be too far out of reach for Linds.
I loved Little Women!!!!– and The version with Liz Taylor was dreadful–June Allyson was believable as Jo but Peter Lawford???? How much booze was set for him???
back to reading!!
am rofl’ing– my cap code is fruit salad–bbwwahhaaaaa and not sure why its amusing me.
In all fairness I gave this movie and hour–and hour during which I flipped to “Intervention”, and prolly QVC and the movie. I will devote some real time and try and deconstruct it. I’ve seen Butterfield 8 at least a dozen times (and Father of the Bride, Little Women and the movie she did with a very young Eleanor Powell–I think it was a Date With Judy) . Even as trashy as Liz’s character was, she still retained an air of glamour. Linds looks as though she rolled in from the night before—why am I thinking of Countess Luann in St Barths????????
You’ve made me want to see this movie so much! Damn you!!
SuperB you beat me to the punch.
Is it at all weird that I just want to scream “The Pie” over and over again.
Anyone?
I have absolutely no desire to see this movie but I really enjoyed the excellent recap.
What Clair just said.
What Clair and ChaCha said.
This movie was magnificently horrible. Wasn’t ET British? Lindsay Lohan didn’t even seem to attempt to sound British. WTH is up with her face? She looks like a puffer fish.
Obviously the budget for this travesty was spent to pay the insurance premiums to cover LiLo’s exorbitant coverage in case she was incarcerated, intoxicated, or otherwise incapacitated. This girl needs to go away for a VERY long time and then have a true comeback in a well written indie film where she has to ACTUALLY act and REact. Frozen face has to have time to thaw. Step away from the Botox and the bottle. Get some sleep and some therapy.
I feel kind of bad knowing that she punched someone over the persons friend saying that Liz and Dick was bad.
@Smango – Yes, Ms. Taylor was British born, and while she lived here for most of her life she still retained a slight trace of the accent when she spoke. It gave her voice a lovely soft lilt. Lindsay, for as much of a fan as she claims to be, didn’t even try to attempt that.
And honestly, the make up and wig situation was atrocious. Couldn’t they have touched up her make-up in between scenes? Because she looked a grade A mess.
However bad you imagined this would be, multiply it by 100. I knew this was going to suck but I never thought it would be *this* bad. It’s so cheaply done and the acting is beyond atrocious. Best watched with wine. A entire box.
Great recap. You’d have to pay me, frankly, to watch this piece of crap. But I did see the relentless advertising fr this train wreck. What struck me is that Blohan’s face looked like it was wearing some kind of prosthetic to make her look more like Liz, but that it was falling off her face. I am stunned that a 27 year old can look 40. And the “White Diamonds” Liz/Lindsay was just plain embarrassing. It looked like a tacky Halloween costume.
@SourCake @NapaNonnie is right your recap was the best thing about this movie experience.
I’d been looking forward to it for a long time too.
The worst thing is I didn’t even have such super high expectations. I was expecting bad. I was hoping for bad enough to get called a hoot. It’s not like I had the bar set up real high. It’s Lindsay Lohan. I left the bar out in the yard. It even sunk into the ground a little bit. And I was still disappointed.
We decided to try to turn it into a positive experience though. And call it honorary gloriously bad. We tried 2 times. Mr thxbai fell asleep both times. After about 5 minutes. I’ve got a high tolerance so I was able to watch the rest of it. In 3 parts. More than 20 minutes of it will make anybody sleepy. And probably causes organ damage.
@cloudsinmycoffee That pissed me off. We know she could do an OK imitation of that accent when she was a little kid. (Parent Trap) Now she’s a grown ass woman and can’t even do half of 1?
I bet that hotel in Switzerland sues them. For making it look like they EVER used bed linens made out of that acetate satin stuff people use to sleep on prom hair. Europe does not joke about sheets and pillowcases.
Elizabeth Taylor was born in England to American parents who were running the London branch of her uncle’s New York art gallery. She only live there as a small child- her parents moved back to the US as soon as war became imminent. I have read in Elizabeth bios that the accent was mostly a put on.
Actually, I always thought Liz’s voice was horrible, short of shrill and tinny and didn’t match her looks. I’d see her face and expect this sultry voice to come out of her mouth. But, then I always
thought her acting was kind of second-rate too and that she was more of a personality, like Rock Hudson. Sort of like Peter O’Toole says in the movie, My Favorite Year, \I’m not an actor, I’m a movie star!\ or something like that.
Wow, the writer of this spiteful and pointless ‘article’ comes across as one mean bitch and a truly ugly and disgusting ‘human being.’ You horrible creature I’d be ashamed to won you as a relative.