Too much plastic surgery Jenny McCarthy, too much.
Welcome to Love in the Wild! Hosted by a genuine cougar! My personal hope is show is a cross between the Bachelor (too Disney) and Temptation Island (too trashy), with just the right mix of narcissists and morons! I will disclaim that I was surprised to hear this is a second season but I am confident I can catch right up on the plot during the opening credits.
They’re not paying me enough to open my eyes
We find ourselves in the Dominican Republic with old as hell Jenny McCarthy explaining that we are going to meet 14 men and women to compete in a show that is actually a mix of Fear Factor and Bachelor Pad. Fear Bachelor. They are supposed to compete in extreme challenges while bonding into love. Or loving bondage. The winning couple gets a trip around the world. That is a great prize, but I think I’d rather have cash than even more time with a guy that undoubtedly smells like Axe Body Spray. The group comes in and Jenny attempts a little humor, no one laughs. Some things never change. They just get pumped full of poison and spackled with pancake.
I’m totally fine with being on a show with hot 20-somethings!
Remember when she was so outrageous and raunchy, but still hot? No one does. Especially not a group of people not yet born when she was famous. I for one, and glad the contestants all seem on the low end of 20 and there are no seriously tragic stories or parents in the bunch. Hallelujah for casual hookups! Suck it, bachelorette!
The girls get to choose men to couple up with and the usual awkwardness ensues when one man is of course picked last. We have, in order of who they thought was important enough to discuss!
Cina – A hot asian who is a pioneer in breaking stereotypes that asian women are demure and servile to their men and/or smart.Girl Power!
Chase – Selected by Cina, a hot Marine who was dumped by his un-patriotic girlfriend when he told her he was going to war. This dude is not getting eliminated.
“That bitch was a terrorist”
Tara – Cute, very dumb blonde who is full of herself and always gets what she wants, especially if what she wants is Paris Hilton’s baby voice
There’s no such thing as too young for botox
Tim – He is chosen by Tara and proudly claims the douche banner early by lamenting that he was scoping out another girl. He looks eerily like a young Dr. Cox from Scrubs.
“You have diabetes and you can’t eat cupcakes”
Summer – Gorgeous leggy girl with a down-to-earth claim that she wants a man who will hunt down an animal, skin it and make her a purse instead of buying one. Wrong show sweetheart, Man vs. Wild is stage left, this is Spray Tan vs Cabana.
“There are men here who don’t shave their legs, right?”
Jesse – Somehow he fits the “manly” bill, but boringly spouts platitudes about love and finding “the one”. He clearly has been trying out for the Bachelor every year.
Welcome to the B Squad!
Jenny – At first glance an unfortunate, out-of-place ginger (and I LOVE my ginger sisters) who is wearing clothes that do her no favors, but cleans up pretty well for interview.
This is how redheads should dress
She caught her bf of five years cheating though so she brought lots of baggage to the island, hopefully something in there flatters her skin type! She really seems adorably awkward as they show her tripping while selecting her man.
Albino chimpanzees deserve love too