Love in the Wild Recap: Dude Acts Like a Lady

 Kitty Seems Off Today

Episode 4 – Characters will be questioned!!! People will stick their noses where other people have stuck their genitals! Couples will be disillusioned! Ryan will be boring! 

Hello Gasmii! We are really plowing through this season! Feels like only yesterday I was wishing for a repeat of Billy and Mandy from Temptation Island and now I’m totally invested in all these useless fuckers instead! How fickle the heart of a reality TV addict.

Last episode we had a bunch of new shameless attention whores join in to vie for the attention of the men. It was genius because things truly were stirred up. The long and short of it was Tara The Unexpectedly Awesome was sent home after a wicked hilarious public shaming of Jesse, who had hit it and quit it. It did break up the lovably Lilliputian Team Tairhead so she will be missed but she is now in a South Beach cabana getting apple pie shooters made in her mouth by a guinea hen. I actually really think that is what her life is like.

“Thats how I got bird flu”

Dr. Cox went home? At least I think this is true but I don’t feel like looking back and the convincingly reanimated Jenny McCarthy didn’t seem to think it rated a mention on the start of this episode. Maybe he didn’t want to have sex with her. Either. Ginger also went home and shockingly reined in her crazy long enough to capture at least a five second clip she can show her friends without weeping in shame. I would like to see her make friends with Tara IRL to learn how you don’t have to fall in love with every penis in your immediate vicinity. This leaves us without Team GingerCock which I will miss writing.

“She took a ginger plonk in my mouth”

The remaining and newly aligned teams are The Superglued Soul Mates Ken and Yanina (Kenina?), Jason and Vanessa (don’t feel bad if you have no clue who either is), Jesse and Southern Princess Ali (lol good luck with that), American Gladiators Summer and Chase, Lowest Common Denominators Minnie Mouse and Ryan the Dull, and the crowd favorite – Cockney Ben and Evil Juggy Ginger Slayer.

Some of these things will be missed more than others

Right off the bat the sex between Jesse and Tara is discussed at the after elimination pool party. The group is still reeling from The Tairhead smack down and Jesse’s callous response. He calls jettisoning Tara “collateral damage”. I say it was gentlemanly for him to want her to be in the comfort of her own home when the symptoms started.

Reenactment of their magical night together. One guess where the thumb goes

Especially offended is the quick-to-love Ken. He wonders how a man could meet a woman on a reality show and not cherish that first night of sweaty bed wrestling? Ken uses this reason as the first interteam strategy to get rid of someone. Summer seems to agree, but I suspect less for prudish reasons than for her pure, unadulterated, competitive nature. Yanina, who should be swooning over this honor-defending hunk, could care less. 

Yanina is deeply insulted on Tara’s behalf

The Southern Slut team isn’t looking very strong anyway as Ali is not a fan of being stuck with the biggest cad available. To add to her joy they are stuck in the lean-to. Jesse tries to continue his winning streak of strengthening the group’s immune systems, but Ali proves to be not that into sloppy seconds. She takes the strategy of wearing something extremely stupid in hopes of curing Jesse of all future boners. Jesse is immune.

‘Presenting’ could be considered a mixed signal, Ali

Lucky she has a suitcase full of stupid