Love in the Wild Recap: Dude Acts Like a Lady

Yanina plays the bashful virgin with Ken also and he sticks strongly to his brand (must have read Melissa Gorga’s autobiography) and determines Yanina’s biological clock will provide a soothing sound to sleep to while he bides his time. Yanina is no fool, she either knows being a year younger than Jenny McCarthy necesitaes playing hard to get, or the country she is from also has heat sensor camera technologies and broadcasting. And shame.

Ken’s real problem with Jesse is pictured. It has green eyes and is under their bed

Cockney and Juggs seem to be getting on like an Oasis afire, and without Ginger there to posture in front of Juggs drops her battle stance, lets her peacock tail deflate and morphs into Michelle, a pretty girl. 

“You’ll really laugh when I take out my implants and actually have a nice natural rack!”

Remember Ginger begging for some lean-to Cockney? Any doubt he was just being a tolerant big brother figure to her should be eradicated when he goes full pig- in-a-blanket with Juggs their first night alone. Their blacklight groping is the first action the Oasis has seen, so I approve.

Just because you’re in the Oasis, doesn’t mean you can’t pitch a tent

The next day brings the gang in front of Jenny who juxtaposes her recent sad and unrequested Playboy spread with an actual outfit a mom would wear. Albeit a colorblind slutty mom facing her own aging with frozen-faced terror. Thank god for my mom; she’s cringingly age-appropriate and refuses to believe hosiery and open-toed shoes are a no-no. I need to call and tell her I love her because all the time I spent embarassed by her fashion sense I could’ve been stuck with butt cleavage and botox glare. Jenny compares coconuts to relationships, to boobs, holds coconuts, says coconut, begs all the people not yet born when she was famous to associate her with the word nut, no one continues to want sex with her.

“Do I have to put a penis in my mouth for you to find me hot?”

“Lol, not It“

The challenges are finally both hard and pretty nerve tingling, much like MrMiaWallace. The teams build wheelbarrows that they must fills with 55 coconuts to be dumped at a location down a dirt road. The cracks quickly start to show between Ken and Yanina as she tries to tell him how to build a wheelbarrow and he ignores her. Real gentlemen don’t take instruction from their instantaneous girlfriends.

“Listen sweetheart, I respect you too much to think you’re capable of this”

A lot of teams decide to just use the bucket part and carry rather than figure out two screws and a wheel. As far as simple machines go you could have found people capable of this task all the way back to the Neolithic era. Jason is one who actually saw value in constructing a helpful device and he also interviews he feels it’s important to work and bond with Vanessa. Who gave his guy a voice? Did Cina turn over his balls when she left?

“Why aren’t they just called stickbuckets?”

Jesse does use brains to build a wheelbarrow but then uses ego to formulates a tough-guy strategy to get all coconuts in one trip, which could yield an advantage after the initial time spent loading up. Part of this plan involves Ali helping count the coconuts. She lets her two greatest hates- counting and Jesse – show by balking against his manliness. Jesse’s manliness balks against him as he dumps his load on the dirt road.

Update: Two days later dirt road calls Jesse “fake as hell”

The next phase is riding a horse up a trail which it seems like all the women get chosen for. This turns out largely uneventful except that Summer loses her virginity. That or she finally found something big and strong enough to get her lady parts excited. Good luck topping that Chase. Juggs keeps calling the horse “mate” because that’s what Cockney is calling Juggs. She interviews that it was a translation issue but I really expected her to speak fluent cock.

Chase misses his only chance at seeing Summer’s O Face