Love in the Wild Recap: Loving Power

Hola Gasmii!! We are down to three couples! The end is in sight!

Then it again, it has been for a while

Last week no one went home because of the surprise double elimination releasing us from the clueless nightmare that was Ali, the bro-style terror that was Jesse, and two other people no one remembers.

No, not you

That event kept everyone in the game last week because this isn’t the Apprentice and no one will sit through a highlights episode in the time slot set aside for this show. We now have the three most viable couples the show could contrive. Kenina (the Urgent), Juggy Cock (the Horny) and Chasing Summer (the Supreme). Basically we have boiled it down to a fight between Love, Lust and Competition. The three cornerstones of a healthy marriage. Or a vigorous shopping expedition.

I believe it is clear who is who here

The teams sit around their tropical, fully stocked bar and have a good talk to celebrate.

I remember my first beer

The end is near and the pressure is starting to be palpable, sure sure, but the prize is, “A Trip Around the World”. People dying to win this should probably be fun loving and adventurous types that would, maybe, enjoy being in the Dominican Republic.

*crickets*

And what does that prize even mean? Is it one of those blanket airline tickets where you can fly to any city and make as many stops as desired and take as long as you want, but you have to keep going in the same direction until you land at your home airport? Cause that seems a little open-ended. And also low rent (they run from $3k-10k). Is it a multi-city planned/scheduled vacation? How long and what destinations? Does this include hotel? Food? Birth control?

Hostel insurance?

And this is a total crap prize if you aren’t that into your partner. Or, you know, if you like them, but basically just met and don’t know if you are compatible enough for an extended time in close quarters together. I guess that’s why NBC puts love in the contract.  I’d be pissed, those sluts on Bachelor Pad are getting a quarter million just for swapping stds!

“Wait, what show is this?”

Ken already feels irritated that Cockney Juggs got the 30 second head start, but Chase is glad it’s Cockney, who has never been very successful at challenges anyway.

“#@%& Chickens!”

We have a season first! We get to seem them all sitting around having breakfast before the challenge and living the glamorous reality TV life!

Or the life for which even Mrs. Butterworth won’t pony up sponsor cash