The sluts have finally arrived!!! We left the gang last week losing the weakest links – Dr. Cox and Monkey Zombie , adieu! And with a few strong relationships (Yanina and Ken, Ali and Chase), a fledgling physical relationship (Tairheads), a begrudging friendship/crush combo (Ginger Cock), the strongest/weakest link (Ryan and Summer), and two anonymous people who spend their time foraging for berries and hiding from cameras apparently (Jason and Cina).
Uh-oh, malfunction in Sector 7
Chase gets to select first as the last challenge winner and he goes for Jenna (aka Minnie Mouse) because of her bubbly smile. If by bubbly he means “almost too much gum” then I agree.
Her teeth are slowly evacuating her mouth, all at once
Ryan chooses Natalie, who really would complete the set on Team Tairhead.
“This is the Dawson’s Reunion Show, right?”
Jesse opts for an even more pint-sized bubblehead named Melissa. But she is brunette. Tara warns that Melissa will be sleeping on the floor. Hope that’s where Jesse likes to fuck!
Jesse scopes the possibility of adding an Asian
Jason goes for Cheetah-print Vanessa. Vanessa seems to be vying with Yanina for oldest puma at the camp.
“this is Real Housewives: Jungle Edition, right?”
Ken chose Lindsay who is rather unfortunate looking and insists that she loves older men. I don’t think it’s going to factor in honey, he chose you as the least threatening girl left.
“I can has love?”
That leaves Ben with Michelle. That is at least kind to Jenny who didn’t have to see what kind of girl Ben actually likes.
Ben got a lovely bunch of coconuts, deedle dee dee dee, there they are
She is a “spokesmodel” meaning she works car shows and she looks like Teresa Guidice’s sluttier sister. Jenny stays firmly planted on crazy train saying her bond with Ben is so strong she isn’t threatened. She lets Juggs know she has firmly formed a connection with Ben and he hasn’t talked to anyone but her. I guess she will be surprised at the footage of him trying to shake a monkey loose.
Only part of the monkey came down though
He reassures her by saying the new girl might turn out to be “a real plonker”. I don’t speak Eliza Doolittle and have no clue if this means she will be an asset to the physical challenges and therefore useful to the happy couple, or boring and someone he’d never be interested in, but I get the feeling Ginger should still worry.
“The Plonker Shocker”
Ali appropriately says she was less threatened than appalled at the new girls’ wardrobe choices, revealing that southern cat we knew was lurking in her. It was an apt comment given she has been paired with Minnie Mouse, however the editors zoomed in on the Real Housewives of the Jungle for that comment, lol. Most of the guys are intrigued and open to meeting fresh meat, but Ken says he isn’t single and hopes his third wheel finds another barrow to burrow.
Don’t hold your breath
Jenny shows up with a freshly waxed midriff and makes a bad joke about vibrators that make me wish I was deaf and without sense of imagination. Their task is to find amber with a map and blah blah scavenger hunt. Of course the stakes are accommodations and also order during elimination ceremony. The best part is they all get shackled together. NBC is not into subtlety.
The twist is the poison is everywhere EXCEPT the apple