The first task is pulling a map off a tree. Jenny admits she doesn’t want to win because she doesn’t want to spend time with her obsession and another girl in the Oasis. Hasn’t she ever read anything about shared hardship building bonds!? Give those two mimosas and massages and they’ll hate each other by sundown!
“I’m probably a huge pain in the ass”
Maybe the truth is she enjoys the soft buoyancy of Juggs pressed against her in the lean-to and hates to be stuck too far from her in the spacious Oasis. With the nightly rains having flotation devices so close must be a comfort.
The editors forget they’re rooting for Chase and show him confessing that Ali is 33 and Minnie is 23, so Ali would be the “more jaded” and Minnie “more positive” choice. Minnie’s positivity includes her laughing like a hyena and basically out-”girly girl”ing Ali. Is it possible we are now supposed to root for the Timeless Love Story of Yanina and Ken?? Also interesting to me that this whole time there have been no age reveals, but Chase dropped two at once. Marine training will not save you when Ali sees this aired. Marcus Luttrell couldn’t survive an angry Woman Over 30.
Yanina stops fluttering around long enough to swoon over how kind Ken is being to Lindsay. I admire her lack of jealousy, it shows the roots of her desperation are so deep she can no longer process other emotions.
The Unhappy Cock trio are first to a cave where one girl is to be temporarily jettisoned and the remaining duo rappel down for a challenge and a kiss. Ginger is winded from the run and insists Cockney go with Juggs… Only kidding, Ginger stresses her relationship again until Juggs wants to strangle them both with her sports bra and says for them just to go already. I actually gained a lot of respect for that mountain of silicone here for not engaging in this.
He’ll be in my cave later anyway
Jenny has her eyes on those British DSLs because he hasn’t kissed her in three days and she wants to see if “something is there”. Ginger, I suggest you read that sentence over and over again until you figure out this riddle.
Cockney whips out the “something”
There is a chest in the cave with a combination based on items in the cave and extremely simple math. The challenges really were phoned in for this episode. Or Jenny McCarthy got to make them up.
Riddles for Idiots
Despite their issues Ginger Cock retrieves ropes and maps first of the teams. Then Ginger forgets the map and gets a good cocking, er, lecturing that Ginger laugh off with a charming “oh shut up”. Cockney starts to connect the dots and feel there is sabotage afoot. Great setup for the most romantic kiss ever. He basically attacks her face with his and she feels her bubble bursting.
When Love Attacks
Jason and Jesse both choose their new sloots for the cave which is awkward, but Chase feels remorse for the Ali Age Reveal and takes her down with him. They are last place in the batcave but all the other boogers are not really far ahead. Most of the kisses are awkward face smashes but Jason seems to have finally found something finally worth camera time.
“Since the first time was just in your pants, sure”
Chase uses his lackluster kiss as an mental note to jettison 10 years and 100 pounds of Ali in the future. Jesse has a pretty steamy kiss, but since we know he tastes like Tara still it falls slightly short of “romantic”.
Doing his part to spread stds
Now there’s some sand, ropes, symbols, trees, triangulating, digging, and map-reading to find the amber. I’m not sure why no one had to do something scary or gross this time but I’m holding out for the Madagascar hissing beetles.
“Now what’s the command to make Jenny McCarthy pull?”