Love In the Wild Recap: The BJ Face Edition

Recaps

By MrsMiaWallace | Thursday, June 14, 2012 | 12:00 pm | 7 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Love in the Wild, Recaps

He said it. Zombie-face Shauna is openly shopping to replace Ryan Who Dares to Not Love Her and since Cockney Ben has a penis she realizes it is meant to be. Oh and he has an accent. Dr. Cox tries to apologize for the Cake Incident during Night Vision Pillow Talk but Summer has no interest in men who can’t hold their liquor.

Also she does not appreciate having sex in uncomfortable places

She finds Ryan Who Will not Love roaming aimlessly around the campground and an idea sparks. He is not a douche like Dr. Cox, but so far he seems like the weakest link so I’m thinking Summer is not going to find love this go-round. Then again, she may be someone who can only be with someone she can dominate. Since that couple would secure the future of humankind I second this match.

Their kids will have great asses however

They now dress up and hit the Elimination hut. Although Ali dropped blue eyes for being a bestie, her powers of helplessness turn even the rugged marine into a lady-servant.

I have a selection of barrettes if you would like to see options

They spend a ridiculous amount of time dressing and doing hair and makeup for… what exactly? They do realize the cameras are filming all the time, right? As for Jenny McCarthy, her eyes are really just serving as emergency flairs begging for release from the bleached tower of immobile Botox at this point and not really registering her environment. She just gets trucked in on a handcart like Hannibal Lecter and pointed in the right direction. 

Fava beans and a nice Chianti

Jenny M lets them know that they can now swap out if they like (and if the chosen person agrees) in the order of challenge win. The guys get to decide first this time. Chase and Ali get dramatic music played over their banal acceptance of each other. Summer drops Dr. Cox like a bad habit over the Cake Incident. It’s actually being called that now. I’d be annoyed but I feel it’s just a good excuse to get rid of someone so obviously douchetastic. Summer picks Ryan and the Zombie is now excited and terrified at being abandoned.

Did she eat Ali’s brains and absorb her style off camera?

Every other couple stays put with varying degrees of excitement (Ken is already color coordinating outfits with Yanina). The zombie had her man stripped away, so now gets to decide between Cockney Ben and Dr. Cox. Cock sandwich! She of course take the opportunity to ask for the Brit to abandon Ginger for her. Despite what he said about shaking monkeys earlier, I think he did enough recon to realize the ginger is the wayyy more stable of the two neurotic girls.

The realization he has to hurt one of two nutjobs

He reveals his choice in a complete gentleman’s fashion and says Jen deserves to stay in the game, with or without him. Am I developing a soft spot for a tattooed joker face who needs elocution lessons?!?? In short, no.

So we lose Dr. Cox and zombie monkey! The two most interesting people so far! They better bring out the sluts ASAP. Dr. Cox calls Ryan the “anti Tim” which may be true and can only work in Ryan’s favor, and feels disappointed his alpha-ness didn’t work out well with this bunch of genuine and nice people. Given all the reality shows that reward asshole behavior I think he has a real future on Fox or VH1. The Zombie has a mild farewell speech but she does rub her eyes at some point and reveal the toll a few days without brains has taken on her.

I think it’s melting

Then the parade of sluts arrives as a teaser for next week! We have generic looks replacements for Tara, Cina and Summer and the much-anticipated Boobs McGee!

One of these things is not like the others

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6

MrsMiaWallace is an east coast girl with a  penchant for travel, libations and great cuisine. She is not known to turn down a mimosa or a martini and finds the transition between the two a good way to mark the passing of time since she can never remember to wear a watch. Her secret love for reality tv and addiction to Bravo have drawn her like a moth to the glittering snark of TVGasm,  where she finds there are others like her... hopefully also nursing Bloody Marys.

7 Comments

  1. 1
    itchy itchy
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Initially, I was prepared to give Ms. McCarthy a pass, but that voice! That horrid, grating voice! Everytime she speaks it’s like spikes being hammered into my ears!

    I like the show though. It has a similar spirit to Beauty and the Geek (the second-best reality show of all time, after Forever Eden).

    Summer scares the shit out of me. But as long as Ali wins it, I’m good. I’m happy Tara’s getting laid though.

    I bet none of the guys switch for the new bimbos — they’ve probably already developed a tribal mentality, and they’ve already eliminated the two weakest links in that.

    Speaking of which: they were teasing the new bimbos thing all episode and then… pfft! Enough to give a guy a case of reality tv blue balls.

  2. 2
    TVgasm Addict
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    I thought this episode was hilarious. The show is completely ridiculous, and since Jenny is also completely ridiculous, I don’t mind her as the host.

    MrsMia what is going on with the zombie monkey-ness? Geez was she psychotic or what? Since I watched her on tv, I am allowed to pass judgment here…Shauna sure did seem up tight and bitchy for a yoga instructor. And what was going on with the flesh toned lip gloss? Odd. Good bye Shauna, don’t let the door hit you on your exposed butt cheeks on the way out.

    Unlike you MrsMia, I may be developing a soft spot for Ben the Brit. British expressions are so funny. Even if a Brit guy is a total doucher, it somehow it gets disguised as clever because you’re never entirely sure what exactly they’re saying. Oh, and I love me some tatted up soccer players. That is all.

    I like Ali and Chase. Or maybe I just have a girl boner for Chase, and could take or leave Ali.

    Team Tairhead seem perfect for each other.

    Finally, dear Jason and Cina: Being stable and decent does not good tv make. One of you needs to flip your shit over something minor, and do it soon.

    Looking forward to the skank parade, or whatever it’s called, next week!

  3. 3
    ohhhyeah
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    In my opinion Ginger Jen is the best looking of the girls and probably the only one I could tolerate in real life, so it’s a shame she’ll be leaving us next episode.

    It would be great if they continued to bring in an alternate group of guys and girls after every elimination.

    This episode was a little tame, but I find it refreshing that the producers don’t seem overly intent on inventing or exaggerating storylines just for the sake of creating drama.

    “but I really appreciate we are not getting any platitudes on love being a leap and blind faith and blah blah Chris Harrison bullet to the brain.” Indeed; if that were the case I would not be watching.

    I hope they continue to put snake pit/cliff jumping type challenges into the competition. Seeing people lose their shit is my favorite part of the show.

  4. 4
    itchy itchy
    Posted June 14, 2012 at 11:45 pm

    I’m waiting for the show to have a competition like this:
    http://youtu.be/xsL7SXwMcZ8

    Although it would have been nice if they’d had something like this before that drinking problem douchebag got eliminated.

  5. 5
    #TeamTairhead
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    As a participant, I never comment on articles, but I have to say that this one is holyshit-hilarious. Thanks for the great read and keep it up.

  6. 6
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    @itchy – YAY for Beauty and the Geek! I LOVED that show!

    I seriously thought that if I didn’t watch this season of Love it the Wild, but read the recaps, it would keep the nightmare that is JennyM out of my head. It’s not working. I see the screencaps of her and die a little inside as her voice echoes in my head. She is one of the most annoying people on the planet. And I watch Hell’s Kitchen…

  7. 7
    fancyface
    Posted June 15, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Thank fuck Tom went home. He had my hate @ ‘Sumner came in first. She EARNED me’. Ugh…..HATE!

    @teamtairhead…..Tara is that you? How’s life in the M.I.A.?

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.