I don’t even know what to say about this episode, except WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!?
[1 hour earlier...]
“This week on MasterChef, one of the losers gets to earn his way back into the competition…”
Seriously, I’m not even sure why I’m writing a recap of this. It could be like five total words. “FOX fucked everything up…again.”
No, I’m not over Arrested Development. No, I’m not over Andy Richter Controls the Universe. No, I’m not over Firefly. No, I’m not over (the original) Family Guy. No, I don’t think MasterChef holds a candle to any of those, but…Yes, I do think this was fucking tardo.
Also, how late am I to the party of realizing that Rupert Murdoch’s daughter is an executive producer of this show?
Anyway, we’re down to the final six…or so our minis think. I mean, none of them can believe their fortune.
Well, funny story. As it turns out, you’re not actually the final 6. I know, I know, the math doesn’t work out just right, don’t get your panties in a bunch…
The contestants tell us how much they want to win this. Except WannaHooch, who tells us that she needs to win this. Why? Oh, right, because she apparently has bet her son’s entire future on it. And hers, for that matter. At no point in your life should you ever need to win faux-reality TV.
So, Gordie tells them that NONE of them have to cook on this particular occasion. Why? Because the previous 8 people to be eliminated are going to be competing for a chance at redemption.
Seriously, we’re ripping off Survivor? This is a cooking contest, not an eating bugs and shitting in holes contest. Also of note…as the announce the returning contestants….
Stacy! “WOO!!!!” AAliens “WOO!!!!” Tanya! “(who? I mean) WOO!!!” Midnight Cowboy! “WOO!!” Anna! “Woooo….” Sasquatch!! “WOO!!!!” and then Flava Elevata… “(crickets) oh….no…”
Yeah, it’s all fun and games until someone invites the dickhead to the party…
The first thing I wanna know is why the hell is anyone cheering? I mean, seriously. I’d be fucking pissed. I wouldn’t be happy that ANY of them were back. I mean, I’M happy that my comedic goldmine duo is back, but if I were competing? Fuck. That. Shit.
Gordie announces that this is the search for America’s true best home cook, and since America was built on opportunities and second chances (and a little French help…surprised he left that bit out), all the past 8 failures get to come back. Wait, what? So do the remaining 6 get a freebie fuckup? Somehow, I doubt it. So, the previous 8 eliminees were invited back so that one of them can win this….
I’m shocked Cowboy Mike doesn’t fall on his sword right here…I mean, there’s Obamacare, and then there’s THIS….second chances are for commies and Mondays…