Well, a quick recap of what happened last week precedes the episode, but basically all it did was remind us that Stace-aholic hates Becky, Becky made a tragically bad trifle, and in the end, Sasquatch got sent home. It was sad. We were all sad about the ‘squatch. On a side note, I’m glad he’s gone so there’s no risk of me saying “squatch” again…it sounds gross. Like maybe another word for taint. “Ouch, I got kicked right in the squatch!” sounds like a reasonable thing to say.
Alright, so there’s my nonsense for the night. Now it’s time to get down to business. And by business, I mean the team challenge is a food truck competition. There’s something really dumb about this challenge, which I’ll get to in a minute. There’s also something about WannaHooch that made me want to break some shit. Also in a minute.
So our minis get dropped off at Venice Beach. Immediately we get to hear Beautiful Rhino tell us how nice the weather is at a beach in Southern Cal. Seriously Rhino? Bite me. It was 104 here on the 4th of July. “Here” is Chicago. 104! Do you have any idea how hot that is when your primary mode of transportation has 10 toes? Yep, I ride your mom everywhere, you guessed it…
Also, he tells he’s feeling really good about this team challenge…there’s just one caveat…
“I just need a good team…”
Well, maybe he’ll get his wish. Though you and I know I’m hoping against that.
So they’re all standing around at Venice Beach and I’m sure at least one of them doesn’t realize there’s going to be a team challenge and instead thinks they got a day off, when suddenly 3 MasterChef food trucks appear as if from nowhere! Everyone squeals with delight.
WannaHooch tells us it’s her dream to have a food truck. Everyone else seems equally as excited!
So, there are THREE food trucks, and TWELVE contestants left. They’ll be split into not two, but THREE TEAM! So, Stace-aholic gets a huge advantage. First, she gets to choose her team.
And, for the most unbelievable moment of the show…
“I pick AAliens”
Pictured: The appropriate reaction…
Seriously, what the hell. AAliens? Becky lols and tells us she’d not have made THAT pick. Gordie seriously cannot fucking believe it. Stace-aholic tells us that a) he’s a great team member (what?), but also, b) if they fuck up and lose, she can beat him in the pressure test. Man, that’s some cooooold shit. Poor dude thinks she has his back, and then he’s at home months after the filming of the show, watching this episode, and BAM! DAGGER IN YO’ FUCKIN HEART, AALIENS!
Second, she picks Frank the Tank. The final pick is Beckster. She hates Becky! And now she’s gonna be getting hot and sweaty in a small, enclosed space with her!
BUT WAIT…THERE’S MORE!!!! She also gets to decide the other teams! So, clearly, she wants to create turmoil.
She starts with WannaHooch. Why? because “she’s one of [her] strongest competitors” and thus wants to fuck her over. WH…who set a metal bowl on fire last week.
She rounds out that team with…
Wait, wait, First, Beautiful Rhino tells us he hopes he’s NOT on the same team as WH. Naturally, he’s picked next.
Well, this is awkward…
Then Anna, and Tanya. There is literally no way that team doesn’t tank hard.
Josh, Felix, Midnight Cowboy, and DareDevil make up the other team. Josh is quite pleased with this team, and why wouldn’t he be?
OH MAN SHE GETS ANOTHER ADVANTAGE!!!! SHE GETS TO PICK A COLOR!! Wait…ok, the colors correlate with a cuisine. Except they don’t tell her which color is which cuisine (nor which cuisines are even in the pool), so this isn’t an advantage. It’s just silly. Well…
Stace-aholic, Becky, AAliens, and Frank the Tank are now the red team, and are cooking Mexican food.
BR, WH, Anna, and Tanya are the yellow team, which is American food.