Oh, right, you wanna know why I really got steamed at WannaHooch?
The fuck? ARE THOSE FUCKING RAY-BANS?!?!?
I always thought she looked a little too well-dressed to have $50 in her bank account. I mean, Ray-Ban frames on your glasses when you are apparently flat fucking broke and have a child to feed? And for those of you who want to say something like “she could have had them before her terrible divorce!!” Hear this. Firstly, they are in GREAT shape if they’re not pretty damn new. Secondly, you don’t get awarded a kid in a divorce settlement, but have all your financial well-being awarded to your husband. And maybe her ex-husband is a worthless sack of shit who isn’t paying his child support, and THAT’S why she’s poor. Again, this whole “tight finances” thing didn’t come out of nowhere, and buying Ray-Bans in anticipation of an alimony check is fucking stupid. If you don’t have money, you shouldn’t be wearing glasses that are worth at least 2 times (being conservative here) what mine are worth! I have money! Not a lot, but my bank account isn’t at $50…
Again, none of that is even touching on the fact she’s always wearing new-looking outfits…nothing is faded or old looking at all. And, lastly…in the off-chance that FOX and MasterChef provide her wardrobe (including glasses), why would they provide her super nice shit like this when her story is one of desperation? They probably wouldn’t! QED, BITCHES!!
Ok, so that’s out of my system. Man, I was sitting around playing video games while watching this episode and looked up to see that shit and nearly jumped off my balcony.
Well, if that was’t enough to bug me, we’re back to BR refusing to accept that he had anything to do with the failure. At this point, Anna and Tanya have decided to abandon the whole ignore the two crazy people thing, and so now, instead of only WH blaming him, they all are. BR, had you just not been a stupid ass, only WH would be pointing fingers. All you had to do was say “sorry I didn’t perform as well as I could have.” I use that line all the time…in bed.
No, that would require much more frequent sex to be able to say “all the time.”
David KEEPS insisting that he was making burgers faster than his team could dress and sell them. But, as Tanya points out…THEY WERE RAW!!!
“NOT ALL OF THEM!!!”
Anna tells us her biggest mistake was trusting his false sense of competence. Ouch. That’s coming from the sweetest remaining contestant.
So now we hear why none of the minichefs want to go home. Tanya doesn’t want to have to go back to school….that “horrible routine that was just killing [her].”
Today’s pressure test is…Tortellini. Bastage shows them how to make it, and tells them that small fingers will be a huge advantage.
“I feel like I’m not equipped to do this..at all…”
So, they head back and start cooking. BR tells us he’s nervous because he just doesn’t have small fingers. It’s funny how that works, guys. Fat people generally have silly looking sausage fingers. Skinny, fit people have shapely, usable fingers. Sorry…let’s just call a spade a spade here.
They get an hour to prepare 10 tortellini. The challenge is designed with technique in mind.
Immediately the judges start critiquing. Speaking of calling a spade a spade, Gordie says that he doesn’t think BR’s fat fingers are a big advantage for him. LOL!
They can’t believe that Anna is using a food processor to make her pasta. Seriously, what the hell is that?
WannaHooch predicts that BR goes home because he has fat fingers to match his attitude. Wait, what? He has a fat attitude? Well, I guess that works. When in Rome…
Yes? Go on….
Teddy stops over at Tanya’s station and starts asking her all sorts of questions. Has she done this, has she tasted that, is she cooking anything… and she just starts crying and says she thinks she’s going home. He gives her an invigorating speech.
Believe in yourself. (I mean, I wouldn’t, were I you, but you TOTALLY SHOULD!)