Red: DareDevil, Felix, Sasquatch, Tanya (seriously whaaaaaat?), Midnight Cowboy (for the MANpower), Stace-a-holic, and Flava Elevata.
Blue: Josh, Becky, Frank the Tank, Anna, WannaHooch, Beautiful Rhino, AAliens.
AAliens can’t believe he’s the last pick. He doesn’t deserve it, obviously.
“I should’ve been first picked.”
Saying he’s delusional is like saying hoarders have a cute hobby. It’s like saying Claire’s little skeleton baby was sweet. This has to be the byproduct of over-supportive parents. He’s still probably convinced that the framed construction paper and crayon certificates reading “Son of the Year” (for 30 years running) are legitimate awards granted by the National Association of Parents.
Oh, but there’s a twist. DareDevil gets to trade a member of her team for a member of the other team!!! I bet she trades FE, and takes Becky. Ouch. Trading a last pick for a first pick? BRUTAL.
So each team has to have an “expediter,” or person who makes sure the food gets out on time. DareDevil nominates Felix from her team, because she trusts her. Josh puts WannaHooch there because she’s so organized.
So Josh just starts handing out responsibilities. Frankie tells us maybe it’d make more sense for him to ask people what they’re good at making so everyone can play to their strengths.
DareDevil’s team, on the other hand, has a conversation. DareDevil puts herself on prep and egg beating. So maybe I was wrong. If she can find somewhere to kind of hide, that’s a good thing. She’s smart, and she’s not proud, and I like her for that. On the other hand, shows like this don’t need more good people.
So Gordie, doing his rounds, notices the red team has less than half the required hollandaise sauce. Tanya tells Gordie she’s confident she can whip up another batch.
I caaahn’t believe anyone picked you…
On the other side, TG is pointing out that the blue team has scorched their bacon, and tells Josh that if he can’t get his shit together, WannaHooch is gonna be expediting plates of crap. So WH starts yelling to move all the cutting shit somewhere else because she needs to expedite on the table (snicker), and people start getting edgy.
On the other side, Felix is quiet as a clam. Clams are quiet, right?
And BOOM! It’s time to start serving. Monti is yelling and swearing about how her team isn’t reading the &$#* board and !@*&(#^ and !@#*($& and @#!(&*$. Earmuffs, Gordie!!!
(I was making a point, you don’t have to celebrate it)
On the red team, Felix is not handling her role very well. She’s standing around not talking and about to crack. Stace-a-holic tells us the pressure is just getting too damn high. People are running around like chickens with their heads cut off, and this would be a good time for someone to seize the reigns because, guys…a blind person probably shouldn’t be relied upon to direct traffic.
Like every single one of these inane challenges, Gordie is standing around wondering wtf he’s gotten himself into, wondering if he’s about to be blacklisted at the motherfuckin’ RADISSON, and swears us into a commercial break.
So, the blue team has gotten their show on the road, but the red team is still struggling. Felix is being quiet. Still. Gordie yells at her. She realizes she’s kind of out of her element.
Bastage starts invading peoples’ hotel rooms while bringing them breakfast just to see how it’s coming…
What the fuck are you doing in our room, Bastage? This breakfast had better be free!!
Back down in the kitchen, stupid fucking Tanya is running out of hollandaise. Minis, LISTEN TO ME. When Gordon Fucking Ramsay tells you that you aren’t seasoning something well, or that your food looks dry, or that you don’t have nearly enough hollandaise sauce, he’s PROBABLY FUCKING RIGHT. Tanya, so help me, if you get my pony sent home by being stupid, I will never forgive you.