MasterChef Recap: Klingon to Hope!

23 Comments

1. 1
   SuburBint
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 9:23 am

   What. The. Hell. Is. Wrong. With. The. World?!?!?!?!

   Beautiful Rhino should have gone home. He just should have. He sucks, his dishes are never up to scratch, and he’s not even interesting to watch. At least AAliens keeps us all amused with his delusions of grandeur. Does anybody know if he has a blog somewhere? I would totally read it. “Today I woke up, and I opened my eyes with the suavity of a swan opening its wings before launching into flight. I put my slippers on with the grace of the most graceful ballerina ever, and when I made my morning coffee, I ground the beans for exactly 15.3 seconds, because that is the number of seconds revealed to me in a dream to produce the best coffee ever. Getting ready to sit down to a breakfast of french toast with poached ostrich egg, garnished with a wasabi aioli and roasted pumpkin seeds coated with a cayenne pepper/brown sugar rub. I am such a culinary genius! Later today I will go down to the corner coffee shop and hit on high school girls who are into drama, because they are the only ones who truly understand the depths of my tortured soul. Sometimes it’s hard to be so brilliant, but the Gift won’t let me stop!” etc., etc.

2. 2
   LAC
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 9:33 am

   Great recap! Seriously, about damn time for Tiny Tali’s exit. I will miss his deluded comments, but at least the TV will survive. I wanted to slap his munchkin face off weekly and that is hard to do on a TV.

   SuburBint – that was sublime! You know that Tiny Tali walks around with the Tina Turner song “You’re the best” in his windtunnel of a brain. Every moment of his time on earth is a gift to us, right?

   What is Rhino still doing here? All he needs to do is set fire to the pantry and his reign of food terror will be complete. Has he gotten anything right in a while?

3. 3
   Ed
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 12:40 pm

   More this episode than any before was I blown away by What AAliens was saying. I am very happy those judges saw through his weak ass pretentious dishes.

   Monti isn’t winning. She’s shown to be a good cook, but to me she has the aura of someone who will get to the top 4 or 5 and then have a horrific dish at the wrong time and get eliminated. My 3 ponies in this are Josh, Becky, and Felix.

4. 4
   Leto
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 1:53 pm

   So, is Frank a Cylon?

   I want Christine to win so bad. Comeon, girl, get your act together. But the last 2 seasons were won by women, and Fox seems to like its parity. So I guess it will be Frank or Josh. Becky annoyed me again in this episode. I can understand why she rants about Monti, that girl always seems to be just lucky. But Felix? Yes, she fucks up sometimes, but she won several challenges, and the judges never told her one of her dishes was unedible.
   Happy to see Tali go, though, even if he was funnier than David. Well. We’ll have Monti and Becky’s attitude to laugh a bit, I hope.

5. 5
   Dangerously
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 2:05 pm

   Hah, maybe he is. Should I start calling him “Frank the Toaster”?

6. 6
   Leto
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm

   Frank the Toaster. If you call him that i’ll just have to worship you until i die.
   He does kind of looks like a humanoïd robot, with his symetric features and his weird way of talking. Damn you Dangerously, I can’t unsee it now.

7. 7
   Pikey
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 7:28 pm

   Some here have mentioned AAliens delusions. I read an interview with him and was blown away by this portion:

   “Q. Todd, RealityWanted: Last night you said the judges were too old school and can’t see the beauty and the genius that is your food. Do you still stand by that way or was it the heat of the moment?
   A. Tali: It was definitely the heat of the moment. The judges are traditional and I am a modernist, non-traditional cook and they did not see the genius that was in front of them because they did not understand. I have to compare myself to artist and let’s just go back to van Gogh. No one cared about his art. Usually people don’t appreciate the new message that you bring, like Jesus. When Jesus was preaching his gospel, people wanted to kill him and they eventually did. I’m not comparing myself to Jesus, but I will compare myself to van Gogh. I’m more in between van Gogh and Jesus. ”

   Try as I might, I can add nothing else to this…

8. 8
   michkabibbles
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 8:03 pm

   holy crap. i think that sums it up.

9. 9
   michkabibbles
   Posted July 13, 2012 at 8:04 pm

   that was in response to pikey and aaliens. just…no other words.

10. 10
    MummyButterfly
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    My hubby said: “The only place Tali is in-between Jesus and Van Gogh is in the dictionary.”

    Tee Hee Hee!

11. 11
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Tali is like those fashion designers on Project Runway that are very ‘artistic’ but have no idea what real women — even model real women — look like or dress like or would want to wear. When asked to do a design for a wedding trousseau they will come up with lederhosen and an antler headdress and then argue with the judges about it. The judges just don’t see how great is their art! They are forward thinkers! The world is just waiting for their brilliance to be revealed to them upon the runways of Milan!!! Uh, yeah. Lederhosen. What every girl goes straight for when thinking ‘honeymoon’.

    That’s AAliens. Real people eating real food does not interest him. He is about THE ART.

12. 12
    SuburBint
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 11:34 am

    @Pikey — Thank you SO MUCH for posting that interview! It confirms everything I thought about Tali and more.

13. 13
    vallegirl
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Wow. That’s just…wow. And not to nitpick someone’s insane delusions but he does realize that Graham isn’t that much older than him, if he’s 29, right? Of course, Graham could seem “old school” since he’s an actual grown up who’s pursued an education and experience in gastronomy and fine dining instead of just getting high, throwing crap in a bowl and calling it genius.

    I would let AAliens know that a lot of the time, when something hasn’t been done before it’s because it’s stupid not brilliant. I bet very few people have skydived without a parachute, you know?

    And Frank has a weird way of speaking? I thought it was just a New York way of speaking.

14. 14
    Leto
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    @valleygirl : English isn’t my language, and I don’t understand half of what Frank says. He doesn’t speak clearly, doesn’t articulate. So it may be the NY way of speaking, but I don’t understand it ^^’.

15. 15
    Chris Velazquez
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    That interview? Yikes. There’s delusional, and then there’s having no fucking common sense. His head’s so empty that if somebody whispers in his ear, it won’t remain a secret, because his hollowed out cranium would amplify the voice and it would exit out his other ear like a megaphone.

    Here’s hoping Daredevil won’t let this mishap get to her.

    As for Monti, well, two different people mentioned her “memorizing recipes”, so it’s probably something she mentioned and they got on her case about it. It was pretty pleasing to see Ramsey basically tell everyone she doesn’t give a shit whether she memorizes recipes or not so long as she can cook well. C’mon, everybody remembers recipes from anywhere, be it recipes they’ve seen or soemthing thought to them by someone, especially family, and anybody who denies is is out of their dan mind and a hypocrite to boot. So Blowhard Becky and Felix need to shove it and shut the fuck up.

    Plus I don’t consider Monti an underdog. She tends to provide good dishes, though often just barely missing top spots, and is one of only three people (others being Stacey and Too Tall Josh) who’ve never been in the bottom, not counting team challenges. Plus she’s proven he can provide results even under pressure and flustered. She ain’t an underdog, she’s just not taken as seriously by other contestants.

    As for how you drop a pony? Simple. just drop them! If they’re being asshats, ain’t nothing wrong with changing from one pony to another, long as you want to actualy root for their victory. Just my opinion, though.

16. 16
    Dangerously
    Posted July 16, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Yeah, but I think she has a good chance of winning, and would like to have picked the winner from the start again, even if I don’t like her. This must be how Yankees fans feel…

    

17. 17
    Chris Velazquez
    Posted July 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Ah, and for those who know nothing of rockfish, it’s a saltwater fish that likes shallow, warm waters. It can be seen in the beaches of Australia, where it can be mistaken for a rock and people step on it. When people step on them, the spines on its back inject a venom into the human body. It won’t kill you, though. No, you’ll just feel the absolute worst pain you’ll ever feel in your life. If somebody shot you, then put salt in the bullet wound, then stuck their finger in there and wiggled it around, that’s how the rockfish venom feels like. And it lasts for hours, and no morphine can relieve it.

    So there’s the rockfish, man-eating sharks that can even swim up rivers, plus the deadlist jellyfish in the planet, and let’s not even go into the land animals. No offense to anybody from Australia, but how come the animals of that country want to kill people? It’s the Criminal Minds of the animal kingdom. I’ll stick to just watching their versions of MasterChef, they’re fun, even though there’s little to no bitching. Wonder if they’ll make Junior MasterChef in the U.S. someday…

18. 18
    kloewent
    Posted July 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    I couldn’t stop laughing when I read the “MasterBate” comment! When I saw the episode, for some reason I was thinking Bait because he messed up this beautiful fish and turned it into Bait. Now that I read it, much funnier!!!!

19. 19
    Leto
    Posted July 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    About that, the only “bate” i find is a verb and that makes no sense, i don’t have a clue what that joke meant. Would somebody explain to me what a bate is pleeeeaaaaase? ^^’

20. 20
    crankyguy
    Posted July 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    @Leto, bait can be low quality fish used as a lure to catch other fish. I assume you know what masturbate means . . . so it’s MasterChef, not MasterBait which sounds like masturbate.

21. 21
    Dangerously
    Posted July 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Yep – what he said.Basically it’s a crude (and, of course, more amusing) way of saying that AAliens is very self-aggrandizing. It’s an interesting little colloquialism that I’ve never actually tried to explain…but referring to AAliens’ use of sous vide technique to cook the fish as “masturbatory” makes perfect sense here…as it would for almost all of his dishes. He’s just very in love with himself.

22. 22
    Leto
    Posted July 16, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    oh my… I can be dense sometimes. In my defense, in french the sounds “ur” and “er” aren’t similar at all. So I wouldn’t prononce “masturbate” like “masterbait” ^^’. I’m a little ashamed I didn’t get it, though.
    I really needed a Captain Obvious here, so you’re both my heroes! Thanks guys

    And I totally agree, Tali was king of masturbatory cooking. But for his credit, I think fine dining is a little, too. Especially Michelin stuff, with 20 grams of food in a giant plate.

23. 23
    Damiones
    Posted September 2, 2012 at 10:24 am

    I’d eat more than just Becky’s food. She can be kinda overconfident, but she’s a tasty little fox doing it!