MasterChef Recap: Pizza Stoned

30 Comments

1. 1
   KartofflMuter
   Posted July 8, 2012 at 9:41 pm

   First of all,totally with you on wanting to see Aliens and BR GO. Ya couldn’t cut up a piece of bacon? Really? I mean REALLY? And he thinks Monti has problems? SHut the front door.
   But am I the only one that thinks the professional chef turned out might be tasty but looked like lab smears and a tray of lab samples? I was not oohing and aahing over the presentation. Orange and brown smears presented by anyone else would have brought remarks concerning digestive health.I’m trying to be polite. Can we have a little parsley or cilentro or a daikon curl or something? I’d call the dish Rabbit’s Revenge.

2. 2
   Ed
   Posted July 8, 2012 at 9:46 pm

   I have no clue why or how Rhino is still around. He started strong and had totally fallen off the map. HIS DISH GOT THROWN INTO THE GARBAGE and Cowboy and Tanya got sent home? That is some major B.S. right there!

3. 3
   Chris Velazquez
   Posted July 8, 2012 at 11:05 pm

   Eh, Joe Bitchianish is always such a poser, speaking of “personal insults” and throwing dishes in the trash, throwing attitude left and right. Far as I know, he ain’t even a chef (can we just get another judge who’s actually qualified for this?), and much less a wrestling heel like he’s trying to portray. I mean, sure, I like to see BR suffer, but Joe tries too fucking hard.

   Speaking of BR, I cannot believe how he and AAliens are still there. Especially AAliens with his never being in the on top, made only one actual good dish, 3 times on the bottom two and still made a suck-ass, messy pizza with raw flour and a mess so huge you’d think there was a frathouse party at his station. Methinks they’re holding him just to have an easy elimination later, have a sacrificial lamb (or a sacrificial tool) for when one of the actually talented chef somehow lands on the bottom with him. Shit, I understand Tanya’s elimination (with undercooked and overcooked stuff and a whole raw garlic clove), but ain’t no fucking way Mike’s elimination is justified over those other two disasters. Once these two leave, then we can finally fully focus on the actual contenders, who are, well, pretty much everybody else.

   I’m actually surprised you just now begin to think Daredevil has a shot at this, considering she’s kicked culinary ass and has one of the better records so far out of the remaining chefs. I just like to think everybody who’s shown the skills has a shot. Look at David from season one, he had an overall better record than Whitney, but she still kicked his ass and won, and I was damn happy about it. And I still like Monti, especially how he recovers from mishaps and manages to produce good dishes (damn that soup and bread looked yum). I do like the fact that even though she’s a temperamental snarker, at least she’s honest.

   But Becky? I fucking hate her. She’s such a bitch in sheep’s clothing. She’s all sweet one second, then a complete cuntrag the next. She’s overly dramatic and over the top at times, she’s whined about Felix not deserving to win the first challenge, this time she ragged on Mike not having “the passion to be a Master Chef” (is she a telepath or an empath to figure this?) and also on Monti, with “this is MasterChef and not best single Mom, ya know” and how Monti’s “not a Masterchef” (news flash, bitch, neither are you unless you win the title!). And I can see how others would be annoyed as fuck over her over-the-top celebrating, jumping up and down and squealing sooooo much, like a tween gal on a sugar high meeting her favorite Jonas Brother. We get it, you won, tone it down a notch! And she blew kisses at them before entering the pantry after winning. I mean, yikes, why not just flip the bird at them? She is damn talented and does have the best record in the competiton thus far, but I hope she pulls a Christian and has an epic crash and burn.

4. 4
   KartofflMuter
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 12:03 am

   Well-I would like to know when the last time anyone actually saw Joe smile. Wouldn’t you? He’d make a scary nun. I liked BR till the backstabbing started. Then he lost me and Karma bit him in the asto Becky,I wouldn’t use the same language,but that girl needs to take some serious hormone pills. It took a couple of episodes but she was dancing on my last nerve with that “best single mom” remark. I just love Daredevil. She just keeps plugging along,doing her best.You can bet memorization looms large in her skill set.When they had the food wagons,Josh was the Indian food expert,but it was Daredevil who had the chicken recipe and who turned the pizza stone into a Tandoori oven to make a naan bread with the egg as the topping.That’s risky since naan takes 2 hours to properly rise and rest and roll and let rise again.No idea ho she did that in an hour.

5. 5
   Leto
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 2:49 am

   Christine rocks. Never underestimate peaple with disabilities, they have more drive than anyone else, and they REALLY have something to prove.
   On the first season of Top Chef France, there was a guy who lost an arm, and he was actually an amateur. He didn’t win, but he made top 5, and it’s not his disability that lost it for him, but his inexperience comparing to the other chefs, who were all professional chefs.

   I was shocked by the elimination of cowboy Mike, HIS plate wasn’t thrown in the garbage. And Tali’s mess actually made me laugh, he’s a little less a pain in the ass since FE has left.
   And Becky confirmed why I doesn’t like her. It’s ok to be happy to have won, but rubbing it in other people’s face isn’t. That kind of behavior just stink.

   I’m all for Christine and Josh now, the only 2 remaining decent people. Well there’s Frank too, but he’s already someone’s pony

6. 6
   Val
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 2:52 am

   I love your recaps!! The Se7en reference!!!LMAO!!
   I only watched the show 2 or 3 times, but I think saw someone next to Christine when she is cooking and plating.

7. 7
   Andyourlittledogtoo
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 3:32 am

   The person next to Christine is her guide – she isn’t allowed to do any cooking or help with the food or anything, she is just there to help her walk from place to place and to tell her what is in the mystery box, get ingredients off shelves etc that Christine asks for while she is in the pantry, that sort of thing that she cannot do at all. But the actual cooking, plating, etc is completely on Christine alone.

   Becky once again acted like a nine year old girl. She is a late twenties grown ass woman and she acts like a little girl. It’s really annoying. Yes, she can cook. But she is ridiculous. Her ‘not a masterchef’ <> pronouncements are so condescending, so head cheerleader looking down on the less popular girls in their delivery. I can’t stand her. If she wins I won’t be happy, even if she earns it through her food. Her personality is just annoying. Grow the hell up, woman! You are beyond the age already. Sigh.

   No way should Cowboy have gone home this time. I call BS on that decision. And what TG made as an ‘example of what a real chef would do’ was some kind of test, right? To see if we were paying attention to whatever kind of BS pretentions ‘real chefs’ try to pull over on us? Because THAT looked like shit on a plate. I was shocked actually. Seriously, it may taste good, but the effusive praise for that was total BS from everyone. I’d bet anything they secretly talked among themselves about how stupid that whole plating was. And I like the guy, but really. Very unappetizing and stupid plating.

8. 8
   RazzBeth
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 3:57 am

   @ Chris Velazquez and Andyourlittledogtoo – totally agree with you about Becky. I can’t wait until she falls flat on her face.

   I was also dumbfounded by Cowboy being sent home when there were obviously way worse dishes than his. I did like his parting comment about Christine winning – that was class.

9. 9
   exhero
   Posted July 9, 2012 at 6:03 am

   I’m starting to wonder if Monti has some sort of pact with the devil. Every time she’s set her dish on fire it’s turned out wonderful.

   Becky’s starting to grate my nerves but it almost seems like they’re playing her into the new villain role since FE left. (Seeing as obviously AAliens is more stooge than villain.)

10. 10
    Val
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Thank you, “Andy and your little dog too”!
    Btw, I too was confused why the guy whose plate went to garbage did’t go home!

11. 11
    crankyguy
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Yeah, trendy, top cabin, “professional” plating: take something that looks like baby shit and smear it on plates. That’s pretty much it, isn’t it? The only thing missing was a disgusting dollop of foam, or “air” as I believe some of the most pretentious call it.

12. 12
    KartofflMuter
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Yup-that was the biggest shocker other than the erroneous eliminations-the “real chef” plating,which you just have to cal “shit without a shingle” or ,my first choice,Rabbit’s Revenge. Where is Joe and his “open wide” garbage can when we’re really disgusted? Elliot must have worked in a lab somewhere.

13. 13
    michkabibbles
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 8:45 am

    did anyone catch what actually happened at monti’s station? it looked like she was almost electrocuted and then her bread was on fire. i guess something went wrong with her oven, but that was a pretty big spark.

    also completely agree with KM re: food smears on plates. i don’t really want my food accompanied with baby puke. that and the foam craze (which always looks like jizz) can go away.

14. 14
    Chris Velazquez
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Ah, yes, I forgot to mention about Graham’s pretentious plating. I love shows like this, and Chopped, and Sweet Genius, but if there’s something that drives me crazy is the constant pretentious plating, and also the damn foams. You can bet I was pissed as hell when AAliens did a strawberry foam to go along with his shortcake and Graham praised it. And the food smears are seriously overdone and so tiresome to see. I’ve taken to calling them “saucey skidmarks”.

15. 15
    crankyguy
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:03 am

    When are they gonna break out the liquid nitrogen? Gotta use some liquid nitrogen or how can you call yourself even a contender for coveted title of MASTERCHEF? I saw somebody somewhere wondering how people could eat anything after that noxious CHEMICAL nitrogen had been stirred up in it, lol. Scary stuff.

    And another thing that one of Chris Velazquez’s posts reminded me about — somebody please just punch Bastibitch’s lights out. I would pay to see that. Yeah, your mom may be the Italian Julia Child, but just step off.

16. 16
    Dangerously
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Yeah, I think I forgot to complain about mention the part where every time a mini has plated something with skidmarks, the judges have really mean shit to say about it.

    With regards to Bastage and his food trashing, I just have to lol. I guess I’m a bit of a sap, because I know damn well that it’s all part of him trying to be his hard-ass character; maybe it’s the predictability of it that makes me giggle. I’m a sucker. Whatever.

    I have to agree to an extent about Becky. I don’t personally hate her like some of you seem to, but some of you didn’t seem to hate Suzy last year like I did, so obviously there’s some different strokes going on. What I’m getting at is that the celebration was fucking horrible. It made me angry, for one because my fucking pony is embarrassing me, and for two, it was just stupid. Act like you’ve been there before, kid.

    Like with all of these guys, including FE even, I have to wonder how much of these personality “quirks” are real, and how much are the directors/producers seeing them do a little something like that once and jumping in with “hey, we can USE that. Do that more. That thing you did that made everyone hate you. Do it again and again and rub it in everyone’s face.”

    I also think that Becky has no idea that everyone there hates her. She’s young, she’s cute, and she very clearly really wants to win this thing, and I wonder if at first they saw that and thought, not unlike I did, that this was a possible Whit2.0. Then when it became apparent that people were starting to not like her, esp after FE was gone, they decided to switch gears and just did what they could to bring out the best of her obnoxious behavior.

    As for liquid nitrogen…well, at even a nice, cool room temperature it evaporates off at an incredible rate. Liquid Nitrogen is just supercooled N2 (it becomes a gas around -196C), which is the same stuff that makes up nearly 80% of the air we breath, so I wouldn’t say using it in food prep is scary, unless I was saying it’s “scary obnoxious.”

17. 17
    crankyguy
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Hey, I ain’t scared, but at least a few people are. It’s like this time a local talk show guy on the radio said that he knew for an absolute fact that the water company was allowing huge amounts of hydrogenated oxides to be delivered into people’s homes. About thirty minutes later a water company rep called in to request that the radio guy never mention that again, since angry customers were loading up their phone lines.

18. 18
    Dangerously
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Ok, I can never be sure about things like that. The dihydrogen monoxide scare is a classic, and it’s horrifying how many people freak out about it.

    I’ve heard people express concerns over that stuff before. There was a place by me when I lived in Atlanta that used liquid N2 to make their milkshakes. The milkshakes were mindblowingly good (they had a nutella shake w/ toasted marshmallows on top that was unholy), but I remember someone saying to me that they didn’t think it was safe that they used “chemicals” to freeze the shakes, and that you should really wait like 10 minutes before digging in so you didn’t accidentally ingest some. I think I told her she’d better stop breathing in a hurry, then.

19. 19
    crankyguy
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Dangerously, I thought the guy had come up with the water hoax on his own. I didn’t know it was classic, but it sure worked even if it was stolen — that water rep was pissed.

    Those milkshakes you described sound very Richard Blaisesque.

20. 20
    Dangerously
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 10:54 am

    I…that’s impressive…I mean, I knew it was him, but only because I’d been to the place a lot. This is why I probably shouldn’t be the one recapping this show…you all know so much more than I do…

    http://www.flipburgerboutique.com/

21. 21
    Chris Velazquez
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 11:15 am

    @Dangerously, the reason I did not instantly hate on Suzy last year was because, to me, she was pretty much a naive dumbass who genuinely believed her delusions of grandeur but was otherwise harmless, so I found her more funny than anything. Once she started trash-talking the other contestants, though, then I got to hate her, and eventually it pretty much got to me wanting to see anyone win as long as it was not Suzy or Christian.

    Out of the nine people left in this season, I hate Becky, AAliens and BR. Also to an extent, Stacey, for focusing so much on beating Becky rather than on plating genuinely great stuff. Josh also has an ego to him that can make him annoying, but it’s a lot milder compared to others and he’s had his good sides too, like for example, I like how friendly and respectful he is towards Christine, even showing her the finger movements for making the tortellini shape. Everybody else I do find likeable, and so far I’m finding this season overall better than the previous one, despite the amount of obnoxious contestants.

22. 22
    Leto
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I liked last season better. ‘Cause no one will ever replace Ben Starr :p
    This season really lacks an adorable and funny contestant.

23. 23
    timgunnssister
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    That’s true – there are few truly likeable minis. I like Christine and, well, that’s about it. Stace, Becky, BR Aaliens, etc. are not likeable, much less loveable.

    Bastage, on the other hand, makes me seriously LOL when he goes all terminator mode on the minis. I wonder if they have to struggle to keep from laughing. I would. And do any of the judges actually cook anything anymore? Teddys dish looked like something my son would have made when he was 3.

24. 24
    KartofflMuter
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Ben Starr-Beware the pumpkin man. Awwwwww.

25. 25
    MummyButterfly
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    @Leto – I’m with you – Daredevil and Josh to the end!

26. 26
    LaPetiteChanteuse
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 4:39 am

    I’m sorry, but does anyone find it odd that one of the judges on a show called Masterchef was eliminated in round 1 in both seasons 1 and 2 of Top Chef Masters? And while his plate looked better than some of the contestants on this show, I thought the yellow smears were kind of overdone. At least he didn’t make a foam.

27. 27
    emptymailbox
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 6:39 am

    @LPC: There is a world of difference between Top Chef and Top Chef Masters. Presumably, getting onto the latter — not once, but twice — would be an indication that you are already a “Master” chef, and there’s not really any shame in being worst of the bunch, given the level of the competition.

    Regardless, keep in mind that the “judges” for a fair portion of the challenges on this show are average Janes/Joes looking for a bite to eat (plus a bit of potential camera time). It doesn’t always take a legitimate culinary master to tell you your food sucks.

    That said, Graham is a three-time James Beard Award nominee with a Michelin star, so I think his credentials are solid enough. But yeah, the crap smears on his plate are a bit blasé at this point.

28. 28
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted July 10, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    To see so many others hating Becky warms my heart. She is so annoying, and even though she’s cute as a button, I cannot stand her face.
    The only people that I like left in order of most to least liked are Christine, Frank the Tank, Josh, and Stacey. Everyone else can pack it up and go on home.

    And I really had to laugh at Tali making it into the top 9. Every episode, I settle into my couch with a little smile on my face, so sure that it’ll be the day that Tali goes home. The judges are always going in on him and clearly hate his guts.
    And yet, hes in the Top 9.
    Must be aliens.

29. 29
    melissa
    Posted September 4, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    GOODBYE Becky you egotistical Bitch! I can’t stand people who think they are the shit and better than everyone else. You deserved to go home,atleast your counter parts had some humbleness about them and didn’t frown and make excuses every time someone outshined them. Goodbye Bitch.

30. 30
    KartofflMuter
    Posted September 5, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Not that I liked Becky-it’s just that I despise Josh just a little tiny bit more-with his, “now all I have to do is take the girls down.” He got weeks off when he didn’t have to compete. AND HE CAN’T BOIL AN EGG.