MasterChef Recap: Pounding Pork and Warm Pies

Recaps

By Dangerously | Wednesday, June 20, 2012 | 8:21 pm | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Master Chef, Recaps

Woo! Here we go, the first team challenge! Yahoo! Now is where the gloves really come off, right? We’re treated to a recap of the last episode…mostly the Tali/FE conspiracy, and how they hate our Beautiful Rhinoceros. I guess in case you missed the last episode, because no one watching that episode could possibly have missed it. 

So, anyway, “What’s the first team challenge?” you ask. They’re cooking for a bunch of hungry US troops. Wait, haven’t we done this before? Well, except last time (Season 1) it was Marines and amphibious vehicles, and this time it’s Marines and they arrive in fucking helicopters. I love it…the contestants are standing out in this dry-ass dusty field and suddenly helicopters just show up and start kicking shit up in their face. It’s basically just a warm-up for how shitty they’re going to find the first team challenge, I’m sure. And, since I couldn’t resist…

Look!!!

Seriously, just…lol. I mean, it’s not quite Ryan SeaQuest and the high-five incident, but…maybe I’m just a bad person and easily entertained. 

So, of course, guess who’s in the chopper? WannaHooch tells us “the choppers land, and out of the choppers come the three judges,” in a voice that says “seriously, I had enough of this shit in season 1, and I wasn’t even around!” 

I love it…she is so not impressed, while everyone else is squealing wildly. 

“Oh my gosh, these choppers are landing exactly where the judges told us to be,  exactly when the judges told us to be here. AND THE JUDGES ARE INSIDE THE CHOPPERS!!!!!!”

So the judges stroll out, wearing their normal attire with these helmets. I can’t decide whether I respect or loathe the Barney Stinson stubbornness regarding always wearing a fucking suit.

Seriously, if this guy doesn’t own suitjamas, I don’t know who does…

So the challenge is to feed a bunch hungry Marines. 201 of them, to be exact. They’re only preparing an entree this time, though…no multi-course meals or anything, so that’s good I guess. So…you remember who our captains were? Rhino and Frank the Tank. 

Rhino gets to pick first, so you can bet your ass that he won’t be stuck with Flava Elevata or Ancient Aliens. Or, at least, he won’t be stuck with both of them. I wonder, if it comes down to it and they’re the last two remaining, would he take FE just because AA is retarded in the kitchen? Let’s find out!!

Gordie tells him to qualify his choice before announcing it…

David is looking for people who can stand on their station and take control, so he chooses Becky. Sure, I guess? I mean, yay pony!!! 

“Being a good leader is being able to pick people better than you so you don’t have to work as hard…and Becky is super smart and tends to take charge in the kitchen.”

Wait, what? How did he know that? Is it on her match.com profile? Wait, does she HAVE a match.com profile? Sign me up!

Frank makes the pretty obvious choice of taking Felix. Rhino takes Josh…how have I not nicknamed that guy yet? Frank takes Sasquatch (nevermind the fact that he almost got sent home already). Rhino takes Midnight Cowboy. Frank takes Stace-a-holic. 

Now, we’ve reached a bit of a pause. Flava tells us that he doesn’t want to be on Rhino’s team, because “I don’t want to take orders from a guy like that.” I mean, we all knew he was thinking it, but that’s bold to just lay it out there. He also says “he doesn’t really know how to talk to people.” FE, after your little panicked soliloquy in the first mystery box, I’m not sure you’re qualified to say that…

So…BR takes Helene Keller. Because she burned the kitchen down. And because fuck it, why not. Frank takes Ancient Aliens because he “has a lot of knowledge, and a lot of skill in the kitchen.” Oh? 

It’s weird, I was wearing this same shirt and hat last episode!!! Oh, not, that’s about all of my knowledge. 

Pages: 1 2 3 4
Dangerously

Dangerously is a Southern boy misplaced in windy Chicago. He spends most of his time wandering around Chicago hoping for a random encounter with Graham Elliot...(I bet that guy gives the best hugs!).

12 Comments

  1. 1
    Dangerously Dangerously
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 6:39 am

    “Sasquatch is sixth. He’s lucky as fuck that his doesn’t have pie on it. His filling is great, but the shit crust kind of is causing him concern. ”

    Ugh… “lucky as fuck that his pie doesn’t have cheese on it.”

  2. 2
    michkabibbles
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:55 am

    i kind of loved the 10 minute triumph of the human spirit moment showing that christine really can bake. the swelling orchestra and ramsay’s encouragement had me cracking up (and also maybe tearing up just a tiny bit-i admit i’m a sucker for triumph of the human spirit moments)

  3. 3
    RazzBeth
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Up here in New England we eat warm apple pie with cheddar cheese on it all the time. Give it a shot – it’s pretty good.

    Why am I not really feeling these contestants (except for the douches) this round? I really don’t have a pick to win or even do well. They are just kinda there…

  4. 4
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Taking a slice of warm pie and laying a hunk of cheddar on it then eating it is one thing (a yummy thing) but baking the pie with shredded cheddar all over it is just bad. Really bad. The end result is NOT the same. Had he not done that, I wonder how his pie would have been? I kind of loathe FlavaElevata. That probably means he’ll be around for a long, long time.

  5. 5
    Dangerously Dangerously
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Razz – I’ve flipped back to a few of my old recaps (mainly of season 1) to double-check certain claims I’m making, and I can’t help but miss that whole cast. It’s hard for me not to just talk about how much better that season was. Back when they weren’t forcing a villain down your throat, and instead you got to actually CHOOSE who to root against.

    Flava Elevata and Tali…there’s no choice. It’s sad, it makes me miss Tebow and Sharone.

    And we all know I’ll always miss Whit…

  6. 6
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    @michkabubbles: Yes!! The was the funniet part of the episode for me. Asking a blind person, “What do you think your pie looks like?” Then going through every step, walking her through, “You hear that? What do you hear Christine? What am I doing now, Christine?” hahahahahaha!! Like you, my laughter turned to happy tears but that was def a brilliant scene. You didn’t know if it was mocking or encouragement until the editors added a score.

  7. 7
    Rabbit
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    This turned out to be another interesting episode I enjoyed watching. I wish I could have tried the apple pie, it looked delicious, and after I had to get my own. I love the job that Monti Carlo and Christine Ha performing well. If anyone I think can win it’s going to be one of the two. I can’t wait to catch the next episode once it’s recorded on my PrimeTime Anytime. Now I can watch my show commercial free if I select to enable the new Auto Hop feature in my Hopper. When I heard about the PrimeTime Anytime Auto Hop feature I couldn’t see how it would be useful, but then I realized most of my shows played during primetime. I was happy to learn from my coworker at Dish how this feature works. So when I playback an event there’s a popup asking if I would like to skip the commercials for that episode. This will save some wear and tear on the remote since I recently had to replace it.

  8. 8
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    “WannaHooch gets really pissed, and thus gets demoted. Real Hooch would’ve laughed at that.”

    Real Hooch would have laughed, then cried, then laughed, then drank a bottle of Jim Beam, then cut off Flava Elevata’s ear because she thought he was funny.

    WannaHooch is nowhere close.

  9. 9
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    I loved the scene with Daredevil and her pie and Gordon. It made me fall in love with him just a little bit more. HK is one of my favorite other shows, so when he acts HUMAN on Masterchef (awww, memories of Gordon and Whitney from Season 1 make me nostalgic), I LOVE it.

  10. 10
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    Methinks Rabbit came to advertise the Hopper.

    Spam gets verbose.

  11. 11
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted June 24, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    I don’t think they should have declared a winner in the Marine challenge for a few days – you know, the vote could have changed if the Marines developed salmonella or trichinosis.

    I don’t think these huge feeding challenges are fair for this show though. These are home cooks not restaurant or catering people. They usually have no experience in how to cook for such large numbers, how long things will take, how to time them, etc for such a large dining service. They aren’t professionals. The Hells Kitchen contestants sure, but not the Masterchef contestants.

  12. 12
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted June 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    I don’t know, Andyour. I think it’s kind of fair when they’re trying to find the best all-around home cook. I don’t know too many people who love to cook who haven’t cooked for 30-40 people at least a few times in their lives.

    Heck, I’ve personally cooked for a good 120 people, and I’m every bit as non-professional as these people. And that was by myself, without a team of people helping me.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.