Woo! Here we go, the first team challenge! Yahoo! Now is where the gloves really come off, right? We’re treated to a recap of the last episode…mostly the Tali/FE conspiracy, and how they hate our Beautiful Rhinoceros. I guess in case you missed the last episode, because no one watching that episode could possibly have missed it.
So, anyway, “What’s the first team challenge?” you ask. They’re cooking for a bunch of hungry US troops. Wait, haven’t we done this before? Well, except last time (Season 1) it was Marines and amphibious vehicles, and this time it’s Marines and they arrive in fucking helicopters. I love it…the contestants are standing out in this dry-ass dusty field and suddenly helicopters just show up and start kicking shit up in their face. It’s basically just a warm-up for how shitty they’re going to find the first team challenge, I’m sure. And, since I couldn’t resist…
Seriously, just…lol. I mean, it’s not quite Ryan SeaQuest and the high-five incident, but…maybe I’m just a bad person and easily entertained.
So, of course, guess who’s in the chopper? WannaHooch tells us “the choppers land, and out of the choppers come the three judges,” in a voice that says “seriously, I had enough of this shit in season 1, and I wasn’t even around!”
I love it…she is so not impressed, while everyone else is squealing wildly.
“Oh my gosh, these choppers are landing exactly where the judges told us to be, exactly when the judges told us to be here. AND THE JUDGES ARE INSIDE THE CHOPPERS!!!!!!”
So the judges stroll out, wearing their normal attire with these helmets. I can’t decide whether I respect or loathe the Barney Stinson stubbornness regarding always wearing a fucking suit.
Seriously, if this guy doesn’t own suitjamas, I don’t know who does…
So the challenge is to feed a bunch hungry Marines. 201 of them, to be exact. They’re only preparing an entree this time, though…no multi-course meals or anything, so that’s good I guess. So…you remember who our captains were? Rhino and Frank the Tank.
Rhino gets to pick first, so you can bet your ass that he won’t be stuck with Flava Elevata or Ancient Aliens. Or, at least, he won’t be stuck with both of them. I wonder, if it comes down to it and they’re the last two remaining, would he take FE just because AA is retarded in the kitchen? Let’s find out!!
Gordie tells him to qualify his choice before announcing it…
David is looking for people who can stand on their station and take control, so he chooses Becky. Sure, I guess? I mean, yay pony!!!
“Being a good leader is being able to pick people better than you so you don’t have to work as hard…and Becky is super smart and tends to take charge in the kitchen.”
Wait, what? How did he know that? Is it on her match.com profile? Wait, does she HAVE a match.com profile? Sign me up!
Frank makes the pretty obvious choice of taking Felix. Rhino takes Josh…how have I not nicknamed that guy yet? Frank takes Sasquatch (nevermind the fact that he almost got sent home already). Rhino takes Midnight Cowboy. Frank takes Stace-a-holic.
Now, we’ve reached a bit of a pause. Flava tells us that he doesn’t want to be on Rhino’s team, because “I don’t want to take orders from a guy like that.” I mean, we all knew he was thinking it, but that’s bold to just lay it out there. He also says “he doesn’t really know how to talk to people.” FE, after your little panicked soliloquy in the first mystery box, I’m not sure you’re qualified to say that…
So…BR takes Helene Keller. Because she burned the kitchen down. And because fuck it, why not. Frank takes Ancient Aliens because he “has a lot of knowledge, and a lot of skill in the kitchen.” Oh?
It’s weird, I was wearing this same shirt and hat last episode!!! Oh, not, that’s about all of my knowledge.