Rhino picks the Flava Elevata. Gordie says “wow” like 7 times. I laugh because it’s pretty obvious this is a strategic pick to separate him from AAliens, and thus guarantee one of them ends up in the pressure test.
Frank picks Tanya (who? Oh the girl pointing for DareDevil earlier), Rhino takes Anna (the wife), and Frank takes Michael. Well played, Frank. Leave it to Rhino to be the asshole and make the blind girl get picked last, or stick him with the blind girl. Brutal. Also, WannaHooch is still there. Rhino should pick DareDevil.
Right, like you actually thought he’d pick a blind girl instead of me.
Yeah. So, the teams…since that was a lot…
Red: Beautiful Rhino, Becky, Josh, Midnight Cowboy, Helene Keller, Flava Elevata, and WannaHooch.
Blue: Frank the Tank, Felix, Sasquatch, Stace-a-holic, Ancient Aliens, Tanya, Michael, and DareDevil.
Wow…wow, wow, wow.
Frank makes it a point to let us know that DareDevil is handi-capable. That’s why he’s glad he has her on his team, even though he wouldn’t have picked her.
So every entree has to have a protein, a starch, and a veggie.
First up is Frank’s Blue team. He decides that since he knows Italian food, it’s best that they make something Italian. But not like a hearty meatball sandwich. A summer pasta salad with veggies and mozzarella. For Marines.
See this look? This look says “Seriously?? Pasta salad for hungry ass Marines?!?!?”
Felix tells us she thinks they should make BBQ chicken…something ‘Merican and down to Earth, but she went along with him because she trusts him as the captain. Mistake number one.
Red team decides on BBQ pork. I swear to fuck if they don’t win…there’s something broken. Unfortunately, they’re doing pork chops, and that’s going to cause issues because they’ll have to keep cooking through the serving period. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure every team challenge ever has resulted in that, so I’m not that worried.
Bastage is quick to scoff at Blue team’s pasta salad. Gordie and TG back him up. As TG put it…
“THAT vs BBQ sauce? No way.”
Couldn’t agree more. Why does this always happen when they’re serving BIG MANLY HUNGRY MANLY MEN?!? Truckers, Loggers, Cowboys, Marines, more Marines, whatever…someone always makes a fancy dish. STUPID!
Well…so, looking at the blue team…Michael is grilling some mushrooms. Bastage and TG are like “WTF BRO, they’re not seasoned or oiled up or anything!!!” So he tells them that’s how they were given to him, by DareDevil. Oh, that’s good. Way to go, blame the blind girl. No one can believe that he just blindly tossed them on the grill. Oh, I mean…”unwittingly” tossed them on the grill.
On the other side, though, there’s like 15 minutes left and they’ve barely cooked anything. BR is apparently a bad leader, but his strategy of picking Becky to do the work for him pays off…
“David isn’t giving clear enough directions, so I start just telling people what to do.”
So, as of right now, my ponies are the team captains. YAYAYAY!!!
Welp, so now there’s no time left, and Gordie just notices their pork is undercooked! Euphemism, much?
So, it turns out that the blue team did a pasta salad and a grilled chicken breast. Oh, well, that does make it a little better. Seriously, FOX…just hiding that one from us for fun, were you?
Frank has DareDevil serving so she feels like a contributing member of the team (very nice, Frank…)
Oh, and just when everything seemed to be going so smoothly (wait, what?) the Red team runs out of food. As predicted. Every. Single. Time.
Oh, and then, to make it better, when Bastage is doing the surveying of the tables, he comes across MORE raw pork. Like, seriously, Rhino, I’m glad I didn’t pick you as a pony now. What kinda operation are you running here?!? At least he says it’s completely his fault that they’re going down in flames.