MasterChef Recap: Pounding Pork and Warm Pies

Recaps

By Dangerously | Wednesday, June 20, 2012 | 8:21 pm | 12 Comments
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Posted in: Featured, Master Chef, Recaps

Rhino picks the Flava Elevata. Gordie says “wow” like 7 times. I laugh because it’s pretty obvious this is a strategic pick to separate him from AAliens, and thus guarantee one of them ends up in the pressure test. 

Frank picks Tanya (who? Oh the girl pointing for DareDevil earlier), Rhino takes Anna (the wife), and Frank takes Michael. Well played, Frank. Leave it to Rhino to be the asshole and make the blind girl get picked last, or stick him with the blind girl. Brutal. Also, WannaHooch is still there. Rhino should pick DareDevil. 

Right, like you actually thought he’d pick a blind girl instead of me. 

Yeah. So, the teams…since that was a lot…

Red:  Beautiful Rhino, Becky, Josh, Midnight Cowboy, Helene Keller, Flava Elevata, and WannaHooch. 

Blue:  Frank the Tank, Felix, Sasquatch, Stace-a-holic, Ancient Aliens, Tanya, Michael, and DareDevil. 

Wow…wow, wow, wow. 

Frank makes it a point to let us know that DareDevil is handi-capable. That’s why he’s glad he has her on his team, even though he wouldn’t have picked her. 

So every entree has to have a protein, a starch, and a veggie. 

First up is Frank’s Blue team. He decides that since he knows Italian food, it’s best that they make something Italian. But not like a hearty meatball sandwich. A summer pasta salad with veggies and mozzarella. For Marines. 

See this look? This look says “Seriously?? Pasta salad for hungry ass Marines?!?!?” 

Felix tells us she thinks they should make BBQ chicken…something ‘Merican and down to Earth, but she went along with him because she trusts him as the captain. Mistake number one. 

Red team decides on BBQ pork. I swear to fuck if they don’t win…there’s something broken. Unfortunately, they’re doing pork chops, and that’s going to cause issues because they’ll have to keep cooking through the serving period. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure every team challenge ever has resulted in that, so I’m not that worried. 

Bastage is quick to scoff at Blue team’s pasta salad. Gordie and TG back him up. As TG put it… 

“THAT vs BBQ sauce? No way.” 

Couldn’t agree more. Why does this always happen when they’re serving BIG MANLY HUNGRY MANLY MEN?!? Truckers, Loggers, Cowboys, Marines, more Marines, whatever…someone always makes a fancy dish. STUPID!

Well…so, looking at the blue team…Michael is grilling some mushrooms. Bastage and TG are like “WTF BRO, they’re not seasoned or oiled up or anything!!!” So he tells them that’s how they were given to him, by DareDevil. Oh, that’s good. Way to go, blame the blind girl. No one can believe that he just blindly tossed them on the grill. Oh, I mean…”unwittingly” tossed them on the grill. 

On the other side, though, there’s like 15 minutes left and they’ve barely cooked anything. BR is apparently a bad leader, but his strategy of picking Becky to do the work for him pays off…

“David isn’t giving clear enough directions, so I start just telling people what to do.”

So, as of right now, my ponies are the team captains. YAYAYAY!!!

Welp, so now there’s no time left, and Gordie just notices their pork is undercooked! Euphemism, much? 

So, it turns out that the blue team did a pasta salad and a grilled chicken breast. Oh, well, that does make it a little better. Seriously, FOX…just hiding that one from us for fun, were you?

Frank has DareDevil serving so she feels like a contributing member of the team (very nice, Frank…)

Oh, and just when everything seemed to be going so smoothly (wait, what?) the Red team runs out of food. As predicted. Every. Single. Time. 

Oh, and then, to make it better, when Bastage is doing the surveying of the tables, he comes across MORE raw pork. Like, seriously, Rhino, I’m glad I didn’t pick you as a pony now. What kinda operation are you running here?!? At least he says it’s completely his fault that they’re going down in flames. 

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Dangerously

Dangerously is a Southern boy misplaced in windy Chicago. He spends most of his time wandering around Chicago hoping for a random encounter with Graham Elliot...(I bet that guy gives the best hugs!).

12 Comments

  1. 1
    Dangerously Dangerously
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 6:39 am

    “Sasquatch is sixth. He’s lucky as fuck that his doesn’t have pie on it. His filling is great, but the shit crust kind of is causing him concern. ”

    Ugh… “lucky as fuck that his pie doesn’t have cheese on it.”

  2. 2
    michkabibbles
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:55 am

    i kind of loved the 10 minute triumph of the human spirit moment showing that christine really can bake. the swelling orchestra and ramsay’s encouragement had me cracking up (and also maybe tearing up just a tiny bit-i admit i’m a sucker for triumph of the human spirit moments)

  3. 3
    RazzBeth
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Up here in New England we eat warm apple pie with cheddar cheese on it all the time. Give it a shot – it’s pretty good.

    Why am I not really feeling these contestants (except for the douches) this round? I really don’t have a pick to win or even do well. They are just kinda there…

  4. 4
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Taking a slice of warm pie and laying a hunk of cheddar on it then eating it is one thing (a yummy thing) but baking the pie with shredded cheddar all over it is just bad. Really bad. The end result is NOT the same. Had he not done that, I wonder how his pie would have been? I kind of loathe FlavaElevata. That probably means he’ll be around for a long, long time.

  5. 5
    Dangerously Dangerously
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Razz – I’ve flipped back to a few of my old recaps (mainly of season 1) to double-check certain claims I’m making, and I can’t help but miss that whole cast. It’s hard for me not to just talk about how much better that season was. Back when they weren’t forcing a villain down your throat, and instead you got to actually CHOOSE who to root against.

    Flava Elevata and Tali…there’s no choice. It’s sad, it makes me miss Tebow and Sharone.

    And we all know I’ll always miss Whit…

  6. 6
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    @michkabubbles: Yes!! The was the funniet part of the episode for me. Asking a blind person, “What do you think your pie looks like?” Then going through every step, walking her through, “You hear that? What do you hear Christine? What am I doing now, Christine?” hahahahahaha!! Like you, my laughter turned to happy tears but that was def a brilliant scene. You didn’t know if it was mocking or encouragement until the editors added a score.

  7. 7
    Rabbit
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    This turned out to be another interesting episode I enjoyed watching. I wish I could have tried the apple pie, it looked delicious, and after I had to get my own. I love the job that Monti Carlo and Christine Ha performing well. If anyone I think can win it’s going to be one of the two. I can’t wait to catch the next episode once it’s recorded on my PrimeTime Anytime. Now I can watch my show commercial free if I select to enable the new Auto Hop feature in my Hopper. When I heard about the PrimeTime Anytime Auto Hop feature I couldn’t see how it would be useful, but then I realized most of my shows played during primetime. I was happy to learn from my coworker at Dish how this feature works. So when I playback an event there’s a popup asking if I would like to skip the commercials for that episode. This will save some wear and tear on the remote since I recently had to replace it.

  8. 8
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    “WannaHooch gets really pissed, and thus gets demoted. Real Hooch would’ve laughed at that.”

    Real Hooch would have laughed, then cried, then laughed, then drank a bottle of Jim Beam, then cut off Flava Elevata’s ear because she thought he was funny.

    WannaHooch is nowhere close.

  9. 9
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    I loved the scene with Daredevil and her pie and Gordon. It made me fall in love with him just a little bit more. HK is one of my favorite other shows, so when he acts HUMAN on Masterchef (awww, memories of Gordon and Whitney from Season 1 make me nostalgic), I LOVE it.

  10. 10
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    Methinks Rabbit came to advertise the Hopper.

    Spam gets verbose.

  11. 11
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted June 24, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    I don’t think they should have declared a winner in the Marine challenge for a few days – you know, the vote could have changed if the Marines developed salmonella or trichinosis.

    I don’t think these huge feeding challenges are fair for this show though. These are home cooks not restaurant or catering people. They usually have no experience in how to cook for such large numbers, how long things will take, how to time them, etc for such a large dining service. They aren’t professionals. The Hells Kitchen contestants sure, but not the Masterchef contestants.

  12. 12
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted June 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    I don’t know, Andyour. I think it’s kind of fair when they’re trying to find the best all-around home cook. I don’t know too many people who love to cook who haven’t cooked for 30-40 people at least a few times in their lives.

    Heck, I’ve personally cooked for a good 120 people, and I’m every bit as non-professional as these people. And that was by myself, without a team of people helping me.

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