So the Red team cleverly starts pounding out the pork. Yeah, google that. It’s not nearly as perfect as you want it to be. It’s just pictures of mallets and pork chops.
Meanwhile, Beautiful Rhino is becoming Beautiful Eeyore…
Seriously, just standing around feeling sorry for himself for sucking as a leader. Sometimes I wish that as a rule the leader of the team could get sent home if he was just that fucking worthless. Thank goodness for Becky.
Meanwhile, blue team is running out of pasta. Except they don’t. False alarm…just building drama.
Teddy tells us he thinks the Red team will win just because they made a more normal dish. Bastage says he thinks the Marines have sophisticated enough palates for blue’s dish. Gordie says it’s a toss-up.
The red team is lucky as shit that they’re not being judged by the real judges…they’d be hosed.
And then comes, I grudgingly concede, the line of the season thus far, courtesy of the Flava Elevata…
“If ever there was a time to flash a nip, ladies…”
WannaHooch gets really pissed, and thus gets demoted. Real Hooch would’ve laughed at that. I thought it was funny, and I can’t stand the guy…
So Gordie makes the Marines vote by standing on a side…Bastage and TG run down the line and count…and when it comes to it, the Red team just gets more votes. They won by 16 votes.
Rhino tells us that at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how you get the job done, as long as you get it done. Well…but you look like a twat when you spend most of the competition pouting and then start boasting the victory.
There’s a brief shot of team Blue sitting outside waiting to be summoned into the pit of despair. Stace-a-holic tells them they made better food, but the wrong food, and now they’re not a team anymore, they’re all fighting for their aprons.
Tanya tells us the pressure test is what Satan himself would fear.
Well, perhaps. That and fluffy bunnies.
Well, this time, one person gets to sit out of the pressure test. Frank the Tank gets to choose who sits out. Does he pick himself? Does he play the valiant and pick DareDevil? Does he pick Felix in hopes of thank you sex?
Ramsay tells him he’s allowed to pick himself, and he gets offended.
“Why would I choose myself, Chef? I got us here, I’m the one that needs to be cooking.”
Oh, Frank…such a good guy. He’s like Pacey in the Mighty Ducks. Er…fuck, whatever his name is, right? May as well be Pacey…
Frank nominates Felix, because she said she didn’t think his menu was a good idea. SHE DECLINES! Gordie asks if she’s sure. She says “abso-fuckin’-lutely”. I like her more and more. I don’t want to root against either of my ponies, but I’d be satisfied with her sticking around a while.
Next, he nominates Sasquatch. HE ALSO DECLINES. IT’S LIKE THE END OF THE HUNGER GAMES!!!!!
I can’t believe Sasquatch and Felix both threw away a golden ticket. What could possibly impart such a sense of honor on these people, if not aliens?
Third choice. Stace-a-holic. She feels awful, but takes the pass.
The pressure test is to cook an apple pie. DareDevil is pretty convinced she’s going home. Sasquatch has cooked a bunch of them recently.
So, they walk around doing their interviews. Gordie asks Frank if he’s wishing he’d taken the pass now, since he’s never cooked an apple pie before. He still says no, because he wants to win with integrity. Good man…but if you get sent home, so help me…
Obviously the judges discuss the disadvantage DareDevil is at, not being able to see her pie baking in the oven. Having to rely on someone else to tell you what color your pie is…Isn’t that what gynecologists are for, anyways?