MasterChef Recap: Pounding Pork and Warm Pies

Recaps

By Dangerously | Wednesday, June 20, 2012 | 8:21 pm | 12 Comments
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Posted in: Featured, Master Chef, Recaps

So the Red team cleverly starts pounding out the pork. Yeah, google that. It’s not nearly as perfect as you want it to be. It’s just pictures of mallets and pork chops. 

Meanwhile, Beautiful Rhino is becoming Beautiful Eeyore…

Seriously, just standing around feeling sorry for himself for sucking as a leader. Sometimes I wish that as a rule the leader of the team could get sent home if he was just that fucking worthless. Thank goodness for Becky. 

Meanwhile, blue team is running out of pasta. Except they don’t. False alarm…just building drama. 

Teddy tells us he thinks the Red team will win just because they made a more normal dish. Bastage says he thinks the Marines have sophisticated enough palates for blue’s dish. Gordie says it’s a toss-up. 

The red team is lucky as shit that they’re not being judged by the real judges…they’d be hosed. 

And then comes, I grudgingly concede, the line of the season thus far, courtesy of the Flava Elevata…

“If ever there was a time to flash a nip, ladies…”

WannaHooch gets really pissed, and thus gets demoted. Real Hooch would’ve laughed at that. I thought it was funny, and I can’t stand the guy…

So Gordie makes the Marines vote by standing on a side…Bastage and TG run down the line and count…and when it comes to it, the Red team just gets more votes. They won by 16 votes. 

 

Rhino tells us that at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how you get the job done, as long as you get it done. Well…but you look like a twat when you spend most of the competition pouting and then start boasting the victory. 

There’s a brief shot of team Blue sitting outside waiting to be summoned into the pit of despair. Stace-a-holic tells them they made better food, but the wrong food, and now they’re not a team anymore, they’re all fighting for their aprons. 

Tanya tells us the pressure test is what Satan himself would fear. 

Well, perhaps. That and fluffy bunnies. 

Well, this time, one person gets to sit out of the pressure test. Frank the Tank gets to choose who sits out. Does he pick himself? Does he play the valiant and pick DareDevil? Does he pick Felix in hopes of thank you sex? 

Ramsay tells him he’s allowed to pick himself, and he gets offended.

“Why would I choose myself, Chef? I got us here, I’m the one that needs to be cooking.” 

Oh, Frank…such a good guy. He’s like Pacey in the Mighty Ducks. Er…fuck, whatever his name is, right? May as well be Pacey…

Frank nominates Felix, because she said she didn’t think his menu was a good idea. SHE DECLINES! Gordie asks if she’s sure. She says “abso-fuckin’-lutely”. I like her more and more. I don’t want to root against either of my ponies, but I’d be satisfied with her sticking around a while.

Next, he nominates Sasquatch. HE ALSO DECLINES. IT’S LIKE THE END OF THE HUNGER GAMES!!!!!

I can’t believe Sasquatch and Felix both threw away a golden ticket. What could possibly impart such a sense of honor on these people, if not aliens?

Third choice. Stace-a-holic. She feels awful, but takes the pass. 

The pressure test is to cook an apple pie. DareDevil is pretty convinced she’s going home. Sasquatch has cooked a bunch of them recently. 

So, they walk around doing their interviews. Gordie asks Frank if he’s wishing he’d taken the pass now, since he’s never cooked an apple pie before. He still says no, because he wants to win with integrity. Good man…but if you get sent home, so help me…

Obviously the judges discuss the disadvantage DareDevil is at, not being able to see her pie baking in the oven. Having to rely on someone else to tell you what color your pie is…Isn’t that what gynecologists are for, anyways?

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Dangerously

Dangerously is a Southern boy misplaced in windy Chicago. He spends most of his time wandering around Chicago hoping for a random encounter with Graham Elliot...(I bet that guy gives the best hugs!).

12 Comments

  1. 1
    Dangerously Dangerously
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 6:39 am

    “Sasquatch is sixth. He’s lucky as fuck that his doesn’t have pie on it. His filling is great, but the shit crust kind of is causing him concern. ”

    Ugh… “lucky as fuck that his pie doesn’t have cheese on it.”

  2. 2
    michkabibbles
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:55 am

    i kind of loved the 10 minute triumph of the human spirit moment showing that christine really can bake. the swelling orchestra and ramsay’s encouragement had me cracking up (and also maybe tearing up just a tiny bit-i admit i’m a sucker for triumph of the human spirit moments)

  3. 3
    RazzBeth
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Up here in New England we eat warm apple pie with cheddar cheese on it all the time. Give it a shot – it’s pretty good.

    Why am I not really feeling these contestants (except for the douches) this round? I really don’t have a pick to win or even do well. They are just kinda there…

  4. 4
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Taking a slice of warm pie and laying a hunk of cheddar on it then eating it is one thing (a yummy thing) but baking the pie with shredded cheddar all over it is just bad. Really bad. The end result is NOT the same. Had he not done that, I wonder how his pie would have been? I kind of loathe FlavaElevata. That probably means he’ll be around for a long, long time.

  5. 5
    Dangerously Dangerously
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Razz – I’ve flipped back to a few of my old recaps (mainly of season 1) to double-check certain claims I’m making, and I can’t help but miss that whole cast. It’s hard for me not to just talk about how much better that season was. Back when they weren’t forcing a villain down your throat, and instead you got to actually CHOOSE who to root against.

    Flava Elevata and Tali…there’s no choice. It’s sad, it makes me miss Tebow and Sharone.

    And we all know I’ll always miss Whit…

  6. 6
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    @michkabubbles: Yes!! The was the funniet part of the episode for me. Asking a blind person, “What do you think your pie looks like?” Then going through every step, walking her through, “You hear that? What do you hear Christine? What am I doing now, Christine?” hahahahahaha!! Like you, my laughter turned to happy tears but that was def a brilliant scene. You didn’t know if it was mocking or encouragement until the editors added a score.

  7. 7
    Rabbit
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    This turned out to be another interesting episode I enjoyed watching. I wish I could have tried the apple pie, it looked delicious, and after I had to get my own. I love the job that Monti Carlo and Christine Ha performing well. If anyone I think can win it’s going to be one of the two. I can’t wait to catch the next episode once it’s recorded on my PrimeTime Anytime. Now I can watch my show commercial free if I select to enable the new Auto Hop feature in my Hopper. When I heard about the PrimeTime Anytime Auto Hop feature I couldn’t see how it would be useful, but then I realized most of my shows played during primetime. I was happy to learn from my coworker at Dish how this feature works. So when I playback an event there’s a popup asking if I would like to skip the commercials for that episode. This will save some wear and tear on the remote since I recently had to replace it.

  8. 8
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    “WannaHooch gets really pissed, and thus gets demoted. Real Hooch would’ve laughed at that.”

    Real Hooch would have laughed, then cried, then laughed, then drank a bottle of Jim Beam, then cut off Flava Elevata’s ear because she thought he was funny.

    WannaHooch is nowhere close.

  9. 9
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    I loved the scene with Daredevil and her pie and Gordon. It made me fall in love with him just a little bit more. HK is one of my favorite other shows, so when he acts HUMAN on Masterchef (awww, memories of Gordon and Whitney from Season 1 make me nostalgic), I LOVE it.

  10. 10
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    Methinks Rabbit came to advertise the Hopper.

    Spam gets verbose.

  11. 11
    Andyourlittledogtoo
    Posted June 24, 2012 at 11:39 pm

    I don’t think they should have declared a winner in the Marine challenge for a few days – you know, the vote could have changed if the Marines developed salmonella or trichinosis.

    I don’t think these huge feeding challenges are fair for this show though. These are home cooks not restaurant or catering people. They usually have no experience in how to cook for such large numbers, how long things will take, how to time them, etc for such a large dining service. They aren’t professionals. The Hells Kitchen contestants sure, but not the Masterchef contestants.

  12. 12
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted June 25, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    I don’t know, Andyour. I think it’s kind of fair when they’re trying to find the best all-around home cook. I don’t know too many people who love to cook who haven’t cooked for 30-40 people at least a few times in their lives.

    Heck, I’ve personally cooked for a good 120 people, and I’m every bit as non-professional as these people. And that was by myself, without a team of people helping me.

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