Alright, here we go again. Again.
We get a very brief recap of the Marines getting fed, and then we see Michael sent home. Then, a brief preview of the coming upside, including spoilarz galore. Seriously, why do we need to show half of what’s about to happen in the opening?
We get a couple brief interviews from the minichefs, including Monti proclaiming her shock that she’s in the top 15. Right there with ya….
Also, Flava Elevata tells us he won’t be satisfied until he has the title of Master Chef on his mantle…and he doesn’t even HAVE a mantle. He’s gonna build a mantle just to hold the title of MasterChef. I think he’s talking about the trophy…
We dive right into it. Less than two minutes in, and it’s a mystery box. Holy crap. Bastage tells them that the NEXT challenge is an elimination challenge. So, can they no longer get knocked out with a particularly bad mystery box dish, or are the judges hoping to make everyone forget that so they can pull that shit again later?
I bet that’s exactly it, you bastards…
So, they’re building up this mystery box challenge. Gordie tells them to lift their boxes carefully, and hopefully nothing will jump out at them. Hot Wife tells us she’s expecting a live crab or lobster. Helene Keller tells us she’s hoping it’s a live chicken. Yep…there’s a live chicken in there…seriously? You don’t think you’d hear it, or smell it shitting all over itself?
Monti is hoping for yummy chocolate. Either she’s calling Gordie’s bluff about something jumping out and biting her, or she’s hoping she gets to cook a black midget. Tough to tell with this one…
OMG SERIOUSLY, GUYS…
WHAT’S IN THE FUCKIN’ BOX?!?!?
What. The. Fuck.
Daredevil is just standing there wondering what the fuck is in the box. She tells us she thinks her lack of eyesight is a bonus right now. I have to agree. So what’s in the box, basically is the shit hot dogs are made of. Veal brains, lamb hearts, bull testicals….
Yep…Felix sums up my thoughts correctly… “biggest pair [she’s] ever seen…”
Can you imagine getting teabagged by a bull? She would knock you out cold. There’s also tongue, liver, and a lamb head.
Now that he’s described it, I think DareDevil’s advantage is wilting. Teddy tells us that these ingredients have become gourmet in recent years. Gordie tells them they have 90 minutes to turn this shit into something stunning.
Felix seems to be feeling strong. She tells us that the only thing Chinese people don’t eat with legs is chairs. So…tables are fair game?
The judges have a brief discussion about what they’d make. Teddy tells us he’d do something with the tripe. Bastage tells us that when he was a kid, a great breakfast sandwich was calf brains with scrambled eggs and toast.
Gordie tells us that what he WOULDN’T do is anything with the head.
Beautiful Rhino is going to do braised beef tongue…but he normally braises it for 6 hours at home, she he’s hoping the pressure cooker can work it’s sorcery.
Gordie stops by to chat with FE. Gordie asks him how far he’s going in the competition. He says he’s gonna win it all. Like top 10? No, win. Top 5? No, win. Top 3?
“I’m going home with the check, the trophy, AND the cookbook.” As if it was possible to only win one of them.
Gordie asks who’s next on the chopping block. He says he thinks it should be Monti. Gordie tells him “good luck.” Don’t wish him luck, Gordie. Wish that his Flava Elevata plummets from the top story.
So, predictably, Bastage and TG head over to check on WannaHooch. What’s she making? She’s (trying) to make fried testicals. In her words…. “When I’m cutting into the testicals, the only thing I’m thinking right now is…my ex-husband. Does that make me sound SO Bobbit?”
TG: “Joe, remind me to make sure we take the knife from her before she leaves.”
Bastage: “Ya know, I think I maybe kinda like where she’s going with this…”