Yeah, you know, I don’t think I can caption that appropriately. What. The. Fuck. How does she go from getting mad about FE asking her to “flash a nip” to talking about cutting off her ex-husbands nuts?
Bastage asks why she went with something so challenging to work with as testicles, when she could’ve gone with lever. She says she’s good with nuts. Wait, wait. No she doesn’t…that’s what she should’ve said, but as we’ve seen, she’s a bit of a prude. That Bobbit comment was almost enough to elevate her up to AlmostHooch, but…only almost…
Stace-a-holic is making pork heart sliders. In case no one told you…heart is a tough fucking meat. Like not easy to gnaw through. Bad for sandwichey meals, or so I assume…
DareDevil is deepfrying the sweet breads. Bastage calls her “unflappable and brave” because he is getting splattered.
Beckster is taking this awful assortment and making a fried sweetbread, a grilled sweetbread, and a pâté.
“It’s gonna be…offal-ly goooood!”
So…it’s time for the countdown!!! 10, 9…you know how it goes. Time’s up!!!
Stace-a-holic tells us her heart is racing because she knows she’s gonna win. She just knows it. She’s smiling smugly, like a dog that’s just pooped on the floor and knows you won’t punish him because he’s too cute.
Gordie tells them the first dish *almost* looked like a dish they would stick in their restaurants. It’s…BECKY!!! PONYPONYPONY!!! They try it out. Gordie tells her it’s bold, but worked beautifully. Teddy tells her that any of the three of them would’ve got her in the top 3. Bastage says he’d serve it as an app in his restaurant. POOOONNNNYYYYY!!!!!!
Dish #2 is Flava Elevata. Stace-a-holic is disappointed that he’s up there, because he’s the dark cloud of the group. What she means is raging fucking dickface. Unfortunately, for all the praise they hyped on Becky, they go nuts on FE.
The final selection is…Daredevil. Sasquatch tells us she’s the most amazing person ever. EVER. They love her dish, too. Love it. FE comes up to help her down from the platform. I bet someone told him “hey bro, don’t be a dick, you need light side points.”
So the judges confer. You know they’re saying “well, if we give it to DareDevil, everyone will think it’s because she’s blind. And Becky is super Whit2.0.” They all did well. But there is one winner! One dish was inches out front! They all want it, but FE is begging Gordie to say his name!
Say it, Gordon. SAY MY NAME! I want to hear you say it!!!
And the winner is…commercial!!!
So, the winner is…Flava Elevata. FUUUUUUU…so, who do we get an interview with when FE wins?
“[FE] and I rock. And together, we’re going to…ya know, set this place on fire…”
First, I don’t think he knows how this shit works. Second, Helene Keller is the one who’s gonna set that place on fire. Third…is there something going on? Is this a bromance, or is there something more? I may be totally missing something, but I didn’t get the gay vibe…so to me this is a really creepy bromance that they both seem to totally be agreeing to on short notice. Someone feel free to tell me I’m wrong…I often am…
Anyway, we see WannaHooch tell DareDevil she was rooting for her, and Becky proclaim that 2nd place is just the first loser. Beckster, not like you’ve won a challenge yet, so saying something like that is very Eeyore-ish.
Well, anyway, FE gets to learn of his huge advantage elimination challenge. The theme is “fresh vs convenient.” So FE gets to choose which ingredient everyone will cook with. Also, he doesn’t have to cook. So he chooses the crab. For his third, and final, advantage (that’s a lot of advantages), he gets choose who uses the fresh crab or who uses the canned crab.
First contestant is Becky. He gives her the canned crab because it’s a shitty ingredient and he’s worried about her. Second is DareDevil. He tells us that since she can’t see she may be a bit thrown working with a live crab. COOOOLLLLD BLOOODED…