Bastage calls him “clever.” Bastage, that’s not “clever.” That’s less clever than all the accidental blind jokes I’ve made throughout these recaps. It’s just the most basic form of strategery.
So he goes through all the contestants. He comes down to Felix and AAliens.
“[AAliens] is my partner in crime. He’s the second half of the Dream Team. Giving him the fresh crab will at least ensure he sticks around a little bit longer.”
So his MO was to give the weaker contestants live crab, except Daredevil, who he thinks will lose some fingers (dada-chum, dada-chuk) to the live crab.
So, in WannaHooch’s words, FE gets to “skiddadle upstairs and look down everyone’s shirt like I’m sure he’s doing, ‘cause he’s a perv…”
So Gordie tells them that FE chose for them to cook the most amazing crab. But there’s a twist…you already know what the twist is, but there’s definitely some shock and outrage expressed amongst the other players.
DareDevil tells us she’s probably the only one in the kitchen hoping for the canned crab. Poor DareDevil. WannaHooch tells us that she knows right off FE gave her the canned crab.
“I hate his face…”
Grandma’s Boy, anyone?
Tanya tells us that FE is one of her closest friends here, so she’s SURE he’s given her a real crab. Man. BR says he’s not sure what will happen, because he doesn’t know if FE is aware that they’re not bros.
So, they all get 60 minutes, and off to the pantry they go to discover what FE thinks of them…WannaHooch isn’t glad with her canned crab, and tells us she hopes FE gets crabs. She also can’t believe he gave a live crab to DareDevil.
I can. I mean, it’s a dick move. I wouldn’t do it, but even if I was a great chef, I’m too much of a softie to win a competition like this. She’s a good cook, so you gotta do what you gotta do to get rid of her…but man, if she pulls this off, he is going to look like SUCH a bitch.
The judges talk through FE’s strategy…mainly the part about him giving the live crab to DareDevil. Seems that Bastage is on the same page as me. She’s really having a hard time with the crab. Now that she’s got it cooked, she’s struggling to get the shell open…
The camera jumps up to FE for the shot-heard-‘round-the-kitchen.
Seriously, laughing at a blind chick cutting herself on the shell of a crab? Wow, man. I know who will be joining me in the hot place later in life…
The judges confer. Teddy tells us he’d cook the live crab then make a risotto and stir it all in together at the end. Bastage says that the best thing to do with the canned crab is to make some kind of crab salad.
So apparently FE and WannaHooch have hated each other (officially) since his “flash a nip” comment. That’s a silly place to decide to hate someone, WH…She tells Bastage the story, and he practically yawns at her. She tells him that “haters are her motivators.” WH, you’re more like FE than you want to accept.
Josh tells us he’s gonna take FE down because of the canned crab.
Guys, hold on. You should pretty much all have hated this dipshit from the start.
Josh ALSO tells us that it’s pretty obvious that Frank the Tank doesn’t know how to cook any kind of food that doesn’t start with “Italian.” Gordie asks Frank if he’s a one-trick pony…he’s MY one trick pony, Gordie. You back the fuck off!
Gordie stops by Helene Keller to see how she’s doing, and she’s cooking pretty much everything that was in the pantry. She’s trying to make a crab soup…Gordie seems skeptical. She says it’s tough because she doesn’t work well under pressure. That particular comment leaves him completely flummoxed.
The judges reconvene to talk more shit about the contestants…and how it’s interesting that FE took steps to protect his BOYEEEEEEE AAliens, yet the dumbass is fucking it all up because he can’t decide what kind of dish he’s making. Man, would love to see that fucktard go home.