Well, guys…what a ride it’s been just to get to this point, right? No sooner did they hand out their final apron than the judges started snatching them back with a fury. The ground beef challenge eliminated half of the contestants right out of the gates…so we’re down to the familiar 18 contestants to begin what I consider the *real* part of the competition.
So our contestants all arrive at the real MasterChef kitchen, and there is much rejoicing. They “ooh” and “ahh” over it, and how it’s so much more amazing than anything in their lives.
So THIS is where the magic happens..
So, the judges line them all up and commence with the verbal handjobs for the MasterChef kitchen, just to ensure the contestants fully grasp how amazing it is, and how empty their lives will be when they’re sent home. Bastage tells every one of them to cook like their lives depend on it.
I think they should train a bear to have exquisite culinary taste, and allow the bear to maul the contestant with the worst dish. THEN it’d make sense to tell them to cook like their life depended on it.
So, do you know what time it is? I’ll give you a hint.
That object at the workstation…it looks eerily similar to a box. Could it be?!?
Yes, ladies and gentlemen. It’s that time. The first Mystery Box Challenge. So, for those of you keeping score at home, the rules are as follows: the box contains a bunch of food, which they must use to make a stunning dish. That’s pretty much it. They don’t get to raid the pantry, they only get what the judges put under their box. The judges take a while to get to the point…and Gordie tells them the winner of this will have a HUGE advantage going into the next round. So, the contestants all look around at each other nervously while the judges go on and on and on and you can pretty much hear what they’re all thinking…
WHAT’S IN THE FUCKIN’ BOX!!!!!
So, finally, the lids come up! Man, maybe I should’ve let my iPhone correct that one. “WHAT’S IN THE DUCKIN’ BOX?!?!?!” would have been pretty relevant! There’s a duck breast, some sweet potatoes and kale and rhubarb and some other stuff as well. Poor Monti doesn’t seem to know that it’s a duck breast, so that doesn’t bode well. Maybe this will prove to be her superhero awakening moment…like Uncle Ben dying in her arms or something…where something just snaps and suddenly she realizes what she has to do. Hopefully her superpower is “crazy.”
And speaking of superheroes…poor Daredevil.
Even now she can’t see what’s in the fuckin’ box. She has to wait for the judges to tell her what’s in the box, and then has to work with her “assistant” (read: eyes with hands) to get all the necessary bits of equipment, etc. I can’t see her making it very far, because the whole not being able to see is a pretty huge disadvantage.
So, the judges preach creativity with the dishes, and then wander around and basically shit on everyone. Granted, some of these people don’t see to know what the fuck they’re doing, and some of the dishes sound plain bad, but there’s no elimination, and it’s already been beaten into our contestants’ heads that they can’t serve up something plain, so this seems like the perfect time to take some risk and see if you can’t come up with something awesome. The worst that happens if you fail is that you don’t get the huge advantage…but neither do 16 other people, so…
They unanimously agree that the bananas are the devil in the box…
Well, pony #1, whose name turns out to be Becky now that they’ve gotten them embroidered on their aprons, decides to scrap the duck breast all together and is making a rhubarb tart. Gordie seems impressed by her “working it with both hands at the same time…”
“I got somethin’ else I’d like to see her work with both hands”