MasterChef Recap: What Are You Afraid Of?

Recaps

By Dangerously | Monday, June 18, 2012 | 1:32 am | 9 Comments
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Posted in: Featured, Master Chef, Recaps

Well, guys…what a ride it’s been just to get to this point, right? No sooner did they hand out their final apron than the judges started snatching them back with a fury. The ground beef challenge eliminated half of the contestants right out of the gates…so we’re down to the familiar 18 contestants to begin what I consider the *real* part of the competition. 

So our contestants all arrive at the real MasterChef kitchen, and there is much rejoicing. They “ooh” and “ahh” over it, and how it’s so much more amazing than anything in their lives. 


So THIS is where the magic happens..

So, the judges line them all up and commence with the verbal handjobs for the MasterChef kitchen, just to ensure the contestants fully grasp how amazing it is, and how empty their lives will be when they’re sent home. Bastage tells every one of them to cook like their lives depend on it. 

I think they should train a bear to have exquisite culinary taste, and allow the bear to maul the contestant with the worst dish. THEN it’d make sense to tell them to cook like their life depended on it. 

So, do you know what time it is? I’ll give you a hint. 

That object at the workstation…it looks eerily similar to a box. Could it be?!?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. It’s that time. The first Mystery Box Challenge. So, for those of you keeping score at home, the rules are as follows: the box contains a bunch of food, which they must use to make a stunning dish. That’s pretty much it. They don’t get to raid the pantry, they only get what the judges put under their box. The judges take a while to get to the point…and Gordie tells them the winner of this will have a HUGE advantage going into the next round. So, the contestants all look around at each other nervously while the judges go on and on and on and you can pretty much hear what they’re all thinking…

WHAT’S IN THE FUCKIN’ BOX!!!!!

So, finally, the lids come up! Man, maybe I should’ve let my iPhone correct that one. “WHAT’S IN THE DUCKIN’ BOX?!?!?!” would have been pretty relevant! There’s a duck breast, some sweet potatoes and kale and rhubarb and some other stuff as well. Poor Monti doesn’t seem to know that it’s a duck breast, so that doesn’t bode well. Maybe this will prove to be her superhero awakening moment…like Uncle Ben dying in her arms or something…where something just snaps and suddenly she realizes what she has to do. Hopefully her superpower is “crazy.” 

And speaking of superheroes…poor Daredevil. 

Even now she can’t see what’s in the fuckin’ box. She has to wait for the judges to tell her what’s in the box, and then has to work with her “assistant” (read: eyes with hands) to get all the necessary bits of equipment, etc. I can’t see her making it very far, because the whole not being able to see is a pretty huge disadvantage. 

So, the judges preach creativity with the dishes, and then wander around and basically shit on everyone. Granted, some of these people don’t see to know what the fuck they’re doing, and some of the dishes sound plain bad, but there’s no elimination, and it’s already been beaten into our contestants’ heads that they can’t serve up something plain, so this seems like the perfect time to take some risk and see if you can’t come up with something awesome. The worst that happens if you fail is that you don’t get the huge advantage…but neither do 16 other people, so…

They unanimously agree that the bananas are the devil in the box…

Well, pony #1, whose name turns out to be Becky now that they’ve gotten them embroidered on their aprons, decides to scrap the duck breast all together and is making a rhubarb tart. Gordie seems impressed by her “working it with both hands at the same time…” 

“I got somethin’ else I’d like to see her work with both hands”

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Dangerously

Dangerously is a Southern boy misplaced in windy Chicago. He spends most of his time wandering around Chicago hoping for a random encounter with Graham Elliot...(I bet that guy gives the best hugs!).

9 Comments

  1. 1
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 7:05 am

    I fear for Monti. She’s so clueless. Sadly, she won’t last. And how can one chef say their dish is better than anothers without tasting it? Do they taste each others dishes? What happens to all the food at the end of the show? And why NOT aliens?

  2. 2
    Pikey
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 8:52 am

    I love it when contestants are clueless. The only thing that gets a person eliminated is bad food. So Tali and Elevator can conspire all they want! All that David Martinez has to do is cook better than them (which doesn’t look like it is too hard). So far my money is on Martinez for the win!

  3. 3
    SuburBint
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 9:33 am

    I can not stand that worried puppy look on Monti’s face during every. single. judgment. I won’t be sorry to see her go, but honestly, I feel like they’re giving her the underdog edit and I wouldn’t be surprised if she makes it pretty far in the competition.

  4. 4
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 10:02 am

    I’d guess that FE is insecure first, then he’s more classist than racist. Dave is clearly working class, and FE can’t fathom how someone so “common” could impress master chefs. Of course, Tali’s happy being his Renfield so he doesn’t get judged the same way. Also, Tali seems to suck as a chef.

    Plus, Dave seems to have a strong douchemeter and doesn’t like FE, either.

  5. 5
    Eric
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Samantha’s last name is De Silva so not Indian..

    Also, all these Masterchef contestants have their own twitter! FE (and Tali) is a huge douchebag even on twitter!

  6. 6
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    First – I would like to say that as someone who has been a single mother for a lot of my kids lives – I totally taught them how to make risotto. Now, this is mostly because at age 10 my oldest son said “If those idiots can make it – I can make it”, while watching Hell’s Kitchen. He also, at this age, learned how to cook scallops properly. If HK has taught my child anything it’s that reality TV does not “TEND” to attract intelligent life forms. (That being said – Risotto Rice is EXPENSIVE and a treat!) But, I kinda felt like Monti – assuming she has seen this show and KNOWS who Gordon is, should have at the very least had an idea of Risotto (and Beef Wellington). Same with idjut who put CRANBERRIES in his – gag! Disgusting.

    I love Josh. His facial expressions just crack me up. And Beautiful Rhino has wonderful one-liners. I would have liked to see Tali and his STUPID HAT leave or Helene and her “giggle, giggle, snort – I set things on fire and Gordy-Poo saves me!” head out. Both annoy the crud of out me. BUT – washing ingredients is basic food prep, clean the mushrooms before serving your judges dirt. Just saying.

  7. 7
    Dangerously Dangerously
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Yeah, I don’t disagree that she should know better than to treat risotto like a pizza and pile on the toppings, but it’s not shocking that she’s never had risotto to me. Just like it wouldn’t have been shocking if Bubba hadn’t had it.

    My biggest issue with Helene is that she’s a freaking moron, and is basically just a giant bubbly idiot who’s going to get in the way of someone else getting eliminated. Her suckage will probably prevent FE from getting sent home, or she’ll single-handedly tank her team and cause one of my ponies to have to deal with a pressure test.

    Tali, though…just seems like an oxygen thief.

  8. 8
    KartofflMuter
    Posted June 18, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    Eric-It may surprise you to know there is a sizable Christian population in Goa and other parts of India and they have names like De Souza and De Silva. The have Portuguese and Indian mixed stock. So yes-,she was 99% likely to have been indian.

  9. 9
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted June 19, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    “I think they should train a bear to have exquisite culinary taste, and allow the bear to maul the contestant with the worst dish”

    They tried that… but he became TOO human, so they gave him dorky glasses and made him a judge.

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