Million Dollar Listing LA Recap: Broken Marriages and Broken Houses

And we’re back with the guys on “Million Dollar Listing LA” after a week off for the 4th of July. I can’t lie, it was a little bit nice to get a short break from watching people who make more money in one deal than I make in two years.

In awesome news, I started reading A Simple Girl last night. I haven’t been able to put it down! I only have about 50 more pages to go already. I admired Grandma Edith before. It is now safe to say that I truly adore that woman. Many thanks to TV Junkie for telling me about the book. I don’t want to give anything away. Just trust me. Read this book!

“Simple” is the understatement of all eternity. 

OK, let’s get into the episode. JF is off to meet with Linda and Perry who are old friends of his family. They are looking to buy a new house. This surprises JF because Linda and Perry have always lived in this house. When he asks about them selling it, Linda says, “We’re not.” Perry just adds, “We’ll talk.” That is never good. JF and Perry go outside to discuss matters by the pool. I wish I could have more meetings by a pool. I think people would like those of us in the legal field more if we all had pools involved in everything.

Perry tells JF that he wants to stay in the house, but “it ain’t gonna happen” because he and Linda are divorcing. JF seems genuinely sorry to hear this news. Perry and Linda had been married for 30 years and JF never imagined that there was any kind of problem.

It’s a shame Perry loses this view in the divorce. 

Now, I used to work for a divorce attorney. I’ve seen people fight for some stupid inflatable Christmas lawn ornaments. I’ve seen toothbrushes written into property settlement agreements. I can’t imagine the fight that happened over something as awesome as Perry and Linda’s house. Also, something seemed a bit off to me. JF mentioned that Perry and Linda had been married for 30 years. However, Perry said that he had been living in that house since 1972. That’s 40 years. That is a pretty strong indication that he owned that house before they were married. I know it’s possible that he and Linda were dating and bought the house together. However, that seems to be a bit of a stretch. I kind of want to know why Linda gets the house that Perry has been living in for almost half a century.

Perry tells JF that he’s looking to go more urban instead of secluded like he is now. He’s thinking West Hollywood. JF questions, “Oh, you’re going that direction?” Perry just laughs and says, “That’s not why we’re breaking up.”

 
Don’t get your hopes up, JF. 

Perry wants to keep the price under $2 million and it needs to be handled quickly because Linda would prefer he be out of the house by tomorrow. I can imagine that it would get pretty awkward for two people splitting up to stay in the same house. I think Perry wants to be out of there as well.

Ugh. We’re back with JA and Heather right where we left off two weeks ago. Heather is telling him that he really screwed up royally on the deal with Gary. She finally convinces him to call Gary to try to get the listing back. 

Since when does this get to be the voice of reason?

JA admits to Gary that he made a mistake. He really does want to sell the house. Gary tells JA that if he’s going to be the one to list the house, he really needs to step up and get the house sold. JA thinks that the house should be listed at $3.6 million. It’s a big enough drop to generate some new interest in the property without Gary feeling like he’s getting ripped off.

We catch up with Madison who is on his way to a listing meeting in Las Flores Canyon. He’s been paying attention to this particular property because the builder, Michael, builds really wonderful spec houses.  This house is still under construction. Remember JF’s meeting with Perry by an awesome pool? Yeah, this meeting is the exact opposite of that. 

Buckets: The standard in office comfort. 

Michael wants to know what Madison can do about this property. Madison immediately says that he can get the house sold. Really, Madison? In five episodes, we’ve only seen you sell your parents’ house. I’m not sure you should have so much confidence just yet. Michael and Madison both agree that the house should be listed for $3 million. Madison wants to get people up to see the house and wants to know when everything will be done. Michael tells him that “every little detail” will be done in three to four weeks, but he wants Madison to start showing the house right away.

If “Oh, shit!” was a facial expression. 

Madison recommends waiting until the house is finished because most people won’t be able to imagine what the house will look like once it’s complete. I can understand his concern, but wouldn’t it be pretty easy to create some pictures of how the finished house will look? I would imagine that’s something contractors and developers do all the time. Can someone with more experience than me in this field weigh in on that?

He knows that it’s not going to be easy, but Madison agrees to start showing the house next week. 

We’re back with JF. He is taking Perry to a house that is at the top of his price range because he knows that Perry is used to living in a large house. They meet with the listing agent Jana at a 3,000 square foot house in West Hollywood. There is a very adorable moment when JF makes Perry help him up a step to see the pool.

Let me assist you, m’lady. 

Perry is a bit worried about the pool. He has grandchildren and would have to fence in the pool to make sure they are safe. There are quite a few changes that he’d have to make to the house and doesn’t really want to spend the money doing it. JF thinks that Perry may have to downsize to get what he wants. 

JA is at Gary’s house. Lowering the price worked and he’s been showing the house nonstop. We get a particularly creepy moment courtesy of JA and a mother who is a potential buyer. She loves one particular room, but she wants to be sure she can hear her kids. So JA decides to run up the stars to another room and start screaming, “Mommy! Mommy! Buy this house!” The seller’s agent makes him do it multiple times – he wants JA to “work for it.” The whole thing just made me feel uncomfortable.

Let’s not encourage this. 

Meanwhile, JF is taking Perry to another property where they meet with Ryan. This property is $1.6 million, so it’s definitely downsizing. Granted, when you have the kind of money that most of JF’s clients have, I’m guessing $400,000 isn’t a very big deal. There are two houses on this property. Perry could live in one and rent out the other to make some money. That’s really not a bad deal. Two houses for $1.6 million is actually really good. In time, he’d basically make back all his money. It’s much smaller than Perry’s old house (around 1/3 the size), but it’s still a pretty great house. Perry wants to think about it before he decides if he’s going to make an offer.

JA is meeting with Anita and Nicole. They have a buyer who wants to make an offer on Gary’s house. They’re making martinis during this meeting. I have a feeling that Anita and Nicole are the drunken aunts at their respective family reunions. The offer is for $3.2 million. JA reluctantly agrees to call Gary and tell him the offer. 

On the phone, Gary is a complete douchecanoe. JA is making it very clear that this is just a starting offer. They can still make a counteroffer. This is just completely unacceptable to Gary. He basically starts insulting JA because of this offer. Gary doesn’t even want to counteroffer. As JA puts it, that’s basically a big “fuck you” to the potential buyer. He keeps trying to tell Gary that this is business and they shouldn’t take the offer personally. Gary doesn’t think that $3.2 million is a serious offer. He even says that JA needs to step up his game. I’m pretty sure that JA had very little to do with the potential buyer making a low ball offer. I’m guessing the potential buyer did that all on his own (with the help of the two drunken aunts). Worst of all, Gary is making me defend JA!

I feel the same way every time I watch this show, Gary. 

JF is showing Perry yet another house. He is starting to compare Perry to Goldilocks. As much as I love JF, it kind of bothers me when he starts to complain about people who are picky when they want to buy a house. If I had had the time to be picky when I moved into my apartment, I would have been way more picky as well. Buying a house is a big investment. It really does have to feel “just right.”

Gary wants to go back to the two-house property. There are currently two doctors living in the front house and they have a year left on the lease. They’re paying $4,000/month. That’s actually a pretty nice amount of income for Perry. The house is listed at $1.6 million. JF suggests that they make an offer of $1.35 million.

JA returns to the drunken aunts to let them know that Gary is not making a counteroffer. I understand that it’s good form to come back with a counteroffer. However, I would imagine it’s OK to simply reject an offer. I don’t think Gary HAS to come back with a counteroffer. 

Oh, hey! Madison is on this show. I had almost forgotten. He’s setting up a brokers open for the unfinished house. He has shown houses under construction in the past. However, those buyers were familiar with construction and were able to pick their own finishes. At the moment, this particular house doesn’t look like it’s worth $3 million. Madison is just happy that the view is so spectacular. I’m a little bit worried about all the construction equipment around.

This is basically a lawsuit waiting to happen. 

As much as I hate to say it, Madison was right. Most of the brokers seem surprised that he’s even showing the house. There are also a number of safety concerns. I’m guessing these construction workers were hired on some sort of discount. There is a random power drill just sitting in the middle of the master bedroom. Most of the brokers don’t want to bring the potential buyers to see the house in its current condition. Madison is worried that the agents won’t give the house a second look once it’s finished

Power tools laying around is a new trend! 

JF arrives home. I wish we saw more of Colton. He really seems like a sweet guy. Colton is even making dinner for JF! It’s “heart-healthy grilled salmon.” JF thinks that it sounds disgusting. JF, I love you, but are you kidding me?!?!?! I wish I could come home from work to someone cooking me grilled salmon! I don’t even need the person who cooked it to be there. Just let the grilled salmon show up on my table. I’ll be happy.

JF goes into the next room to call Ryan (the seller’s agent) to let him know that Perry is making an offer. When JF tells Ryan that the offer is for $1.35 million, there is a long pause. Ryan isn’t sure if that offer is going to cut it. He agrees to call JF back the next day to let him know where they stand. 

The next day, JF is off to the spa for a facial. Can he please get a shave too? That scruff really needs to go. It doesn’t make him look older (which I think is what he was going for). It just makes him look like he forgot to shave for a few days. With green goop all over his face, JF gets a phone call. He asks the aesthetician (I’m assuming that’s her title – “goop spreader” just doesn’t sound professional enough) to tell him who is calling. When she tells him it’s Ryan, he asks her to answer for him.

This picture is the joke. 

Ryan tells JF that his client is willing to lower the price to $1.45 million, but that’s as low as the price will go. His client doesn’t want to keep going back and forth with this. While getting his faced wiped clean, JF calls Perry to let him know the counteroffer. Perry agrees to take the house for $1.45 million. I have to agree with JF when he says that this property is a great investment. Having the income from the second house will be a nice chunk of change for Perry. JF interviews that he’s really sad that Linda and Perry are divorcing. However, he’s really happy that he can help Perry move on with his life. I’m sure the money he makes on this deal also makes him just a bit happy.

Madison is back at the unfinished house. He is not surprised that he hasn’t heard from any of the agents who came to the brokers open. When Madison gives this news to Michael, it’s not taken very well. What’s with these clients being ass holes this episode? First Gary and now Michael! You’re not always going to get good news from the agents who are selling your house! Madison can’t force the other agents to bring their clients to see a house!

Speaking of ass holes, JA is on his way to meet with Gary again. Gary is working on a new show – “a talent search across the country.” No, Gary. Stop it! We don’t need any more of those! JA admits that he used to be a really good break dancer back in the day. That is exactly why these talent shows need to stop. People like JA need to not break dance. Ever.

No, Gary! Bad! Don’t make me rub your nose in it! 

Getting down to business, JA tells Gary that the buyer came back with an offer of $3.4 million. Of course, Gary still isn’t happy. The buyer came up $200,000! You need to give a little bit, Gary! That’s how this kind of thing works. JA and Gary agree to counteroffer at $3.5 million – best and final. The other agent is awaiting JA’s call as they speak. 

We come back to Madison and Michael. Michael is not happy at all about Madison still not wanting to show the house in its current state. Madison tells us that he feels like he’s having a “one-sided debate.” He’s “trying to persuade someone who is very adamant about the way they feel.” Yep. That’s pretty much how debates work. That’s for the vocabulary lesson, Madison.

Madison finally suggests a compromise. He will gladly make himself available to any agent that wants to bring their client to the house. However, he doesn’t want to do any more open houses until the house is complete. Madison then suggests that they hold a huge event when the house is actually done. Thankfully, Michael stops being an ass hole for a moment in order to agree to this compromise.

Back at Gary’s studio, JA is on the phone with Anita (one of the drunken aunt real estate agents). OK, I have to take a moment for a personal rant. It bothers me to no end when people use pet names and terms of endearment (“honey,” “sweetie,” “babe,” etc.) in a professional setting. I have no problems with those terms in general. I just hate them in this context. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s an “East Coast professional” vs. “West Coast” professional type thing. I’ve already learned that professional dress is way different. Also, I suppose it’s very possible that JA and Anita are friends outside of a professional setting. OK, my rant is over.

Or maybe Anita just made another batch of martinis. 

JA gives Anita the counteroffer. She calls him “baby doll” and I want to punch her in the face again. Anita agrees to call her client to see if they’ll come up $100,000 to $3.5 million.

And now there’s a random segment of Madison hosting the Miss Malibu pageant. By the looks of it, this is the smallest pageant ever. There are some classic beauty pageant moments. One contestant refers to “all those international countries.” You know, as opposed to all those domestic countries we have here in the US.

And the Iraq and such!