Million Dollar Listing LA Recap: Let the Circus Continue

 Madison tells his mom the entire story of JF’s open house. Wendy is surprised to hear all of this. She always thought Heather was so sweet. Apparently Wendy has not been watching the same show as everyone else. Maybe by “sweet” she meant “vapid.” I’m going to go with that. Wendy just tells Madison that they should wish Heather the best in her life and move on. I think that’s a good idea. I wish I could do that, but I have to recap this show for the rest of the season. 

Madison is meeting with Chris who is a part owner of a production company in downtown LA. Chris also build luxury homes. They take a tour around the sets. That’s not really worth recapping because it’s just filler. Chris is currently just pre-screening brokers before he decides who is going to hire. They have their meeting in a set made to look like an interrogation room.

I think the entire show should be shot like this.

Chris lives in the Pacific Palisades which is about ten minutes from Malibu. The new house is just down the street from where Chris currently lives. I think it’s kind of funny that Madison has to tell us that the community is very affluent. Does anyone actually expect any of the houses on this show to be run down and in the slums? Madison starts to go into his presentation, but Chris doesn’t want any of the “normal stuff.” He wants to hire a broker who will do something creative to sell this house.

Chris tells Madison that he wants to meet again once the house is finished so he can make a decision on which broker he’s going to hire. What the fuck was the point of this entire meeting? Chris met with Madison just to schedule another meeting? That seems like a big waste of time for everyone involved.

Oh, great. We’re back with JA and Jamie (Orlandos Scandrick’s business manager). They are the two douchiest douches to ever douche. Jamie is not a fan of the house they are currently viewing. His first complaint is that they are parked on the street. JA tries to explain to him that it’s a huge house for $2.2 million. Jamie is concerned with the layout of the house. The master bedroom is on one floor and the other two bedrooms are downstairs. With Orlando having two young daughters, that doesn’t seem like an ideal layout for a house.

As much as I hate to say it, you have a good point, Jamie. 

JF is back at Ben’s house. Despite the drama at the brokers open, lots of agents are bringing their clients to the house. A lot of the potential buyers find the house weird. One of them even calls it “an explosion of bad taste.” Another even calls it “modern gone wrong.”

We come back to Madison. He brought Aaron, another agent, along to meet with Chris. I want this house because it has a 200 bottle wine closet. I currently have a 4 bottle wine rack sitting on a hutch in my living room. There is only one bottle of wine in it. Madison is convinced that the buyer of this house is going to come from Malibu or Beverly Hills because people from those towns are starting to gravitate toward the small town feel of the Palisades. That being said, Madison has asked Aaron to co-list with him because he’s a specialist in Beverly Hills.

Back and JF and Colton’s apartment, their friend Stacy is dropping off her son Jared. JF and Colton are babysitting Jared as a return favor to Stacy who babysat Godzilla when they were in Europe for a month. Because a few hours with a kid is definitely the same as a month with a dog. JF knows what this favor really is. Colton is trying to show him that kids are great.

Subtlety isn’t Colton’s strong suit.

Colton tries his best to entertain Jared. He suggests board games, a magic kit, and drawing. Jared turns down all of them. What I want to know is why the hell does Colton have a magic kit? I’m hoping that he bought it because of Jared’s visit instead of just being a grown man with a magic kit. JF tells us that he never spent a lot of time around kids. He was very different when he was a child. Instead of playing with kids his age, he would go over to his grandmother’s house and go through her China collection. I don’t blame him. With a grandmother like Edith, who would want to hang out anywhere else?

We finally find out what Jared likes when JF asks him if he likes school. It turns out that they both like history. In fact, Jared used to know all the Presidents in order. JF still does. And then he lists them. Up through Buchanan. Colton leaves to take a phone call and JF and Jared continue to bond. Jared also likes to collect coins. JF goes to get his coin collection! I’m starting to wonder if Colton set this all up because he knew that JF and Colton have a lot in common. 

Maybe subtlety is Colton’s strong suit after all. 

Then we find out that JF has about $200,000 – $250,000 worth of Morgan Silver Dollars. Shit. JF has more money is just his coin collection than I make in five years. Wonderful. JF tells us that he thinks Jared is great and he wished he had him as a friend in his childhood. I actually think Jared is pretty cool. In fact, he lists “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” as one of his favorite movies. When they ask Jared about “Sunset Boulevard,” he just responds with, “I’m ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille.” This whole scene is actually really sweet. 

We’re back at Madison and Aaron’s meeting with Chris. Aaron explains that the partnership would be great for selling the house because it would be two different agencies with two different client bases. As a result, there won’t be a buyer in LA that doesn’t know about this property. Chris is happy that Madison listened to him when he said to be creative. Really? Chris thinks that a co-listing is creative?

Chris apparently doesn’t know what “creative” means.

They start to talk price. Madison and Aaron don’t have anything set since they hadn’t seen the house before getting the listing. Aaron says that his gut tells him they should list at $7 million. Madison thinks that is a little too high. He thinks it needs to be around $6.5 million. Obviously Chris likes $7 million better. Her wants to start with that. If people don’t want the house at that amount, they can reevaluate. Chris will also look at every offer that comes in. He wants to list the house a $6.997 million. 

JF and Lisa are meeting with Nikki (Ben’s assistant) and Gucci (the dog). JF knows that the people who want to live in that area of Santa Monica don’t want to live in a house that “feels like it’s out of a science fiction movie.” They don’t have any offers for sale, but they do have an offer for lease. Nikki isn’t sure if Ben will be happy about this. JF explains that the lease would be $22,000/month, 24 monts, $88,000 up front as a deposit, and the potential tenants have expressed some interest in buying the house at the end of the lease. During the 24-month time period, JF and Lisa will still be able to show the house for sale. The entire time, I can’t stop staring at Nikki’s ridiculous eyebrows. 

  
Even Gucci thinks they’re awful! 

JF knows that this situation isn’t ideal, but it’s better than having the property sit vacant. Nikki does have to call Ben to find out what he wants to do. Ben is in Iran at the moment and there is an 11 hour time difference. Lisa and JF suggest that Nikki call him right away since there will be few people who will take a serious interest in this house.

JA and Jamie are looking at yet another house. Jamie likes the view but not so much the $2.6 million price tag. Jamie likes the house, so he’ll talk to Orlando and see what they want to offer. That was a really short segment.

We’re back with JF and Lisa. They both think it would be really smart for Ben to take this offer. While Nikki is on the phone with Ben, JF takes some time to bond with Gucci. Then Gucci freaks out. I would too if I were sitting in a purse and JF’s face was barely an inch from mine.

I don’t blame Gucci at all.

Nikki returns. She tells JF and Lisa that Ben is a little cranky. He wants to think about it for now. Nikki promises to get back to them in about 24 hours.

Madison and Aaron are back at Chris’s house. Madison’s brother John is helping them create a video for the listing. They really teased us with the drama in the beginning of this episode. That lasted for all of five minutes. The rest of this episode is just beyond boring. We’re just going to spend some time looking at Chris’ house. A lot of the people like the house, but aren’t to keen on the price.

Oh, hey. JA shows up. JA says he’s not in the area every day, but he has a client that is looking for a home int he Palisades. Also, he likes to see what the competition is up to. In other words, he wants to try to fight with Madison some more. With the way that JA knows all about how many houses Madison is listing, I’m starting to think that he’s obsessed with Madison even more so than just trying to stand up for Heather.

Luckily, it is Aaron at the house. I like that Aaron doesn’t let JA continue to make cheap shots at Madison. JA doesn’t think that the house isn’t going to sell for $7 million. He thinks that Madison must not know the market or is desperate for a sale. Or, you know, Aaron chose the price.

Back with JF and Colton. They are watching JF’s bar mitsvah. JF wanted to Colton to see this because, if they ever have kids, they will have a bar mitzvah. 

The closest we get to Grandma Edith in this episode is this car.

Josh pre-nose job. 

 The best part of this video is seeing a young Grandma Edith! She’s dancing around in a red sequin dress. I’m not even a little surprised that she was so fabulous! In the middle of the video,  Nikki calls. She spoke to Ben. He’s not thrilled with the offer, but he’ll take it. So, JF kind of pulled a Madison. He was hired to sell a house and got a lease instead. At least JF only has this one failure to all of Madison’s.

Do we have to end this show with JA? That’s going to leave me with a bad feeling all night. JA is meeting with Mark who is listing the house Orlando wants to buy. The offer is for $1.9 million, all cash, closing in 30 days. Mark thinks that this offer is an insult. JA came prepared. He shows Mark a larger house at a lower cost. Mark says that the answer is still no. Mark comes back with a counter offer of $2.3 million. JA goes to call Jamie.

Jamie is not happy about the $2.3 million counteroffer. He wants to come back with an offer of $2.2 million. JA tells Mark that they can offer $2.1 million. JA knows there is a risk of pissing off the seller. Mark goes off to talk to his client. At $2.1 million, they have a deal. We end with JA telling Jamie about the deal.

Wow. That episode started with so much promise. The drama was so high. There was so much to make fun of. Then it went down hill quickly. Next wee promises some more Madison/JA drama in regard to Heather. I’m not going to get my hopes up after this episode was such a cocktease.