Predictably, JA explains that, due to the current housing market, the house would not sell for $4 million. He tells John that the house is worth $3.3 million. Also predictably, John gets offended and takes it personally. Your house isn’t worth as much as you think it is, John. Put on your big girl panties and get the fuck over it.
Madison and Aaron are meeting with Chris to go over one of the offers they received on the property. Aaron explains that the terms of the offer are very good. It’s all cash and a 17-day close. However, the house is listed for $6.997 million and the potential buyers have come in at $5.5 million. Chris says the offer isn’t good enough (drink!). I bet no one saw that coming. Just once, I want to see an episode where a potential buyer comes in with an offer and the seller says, “Yeah, that’s pretty good. Let’s do this!”
Argh! Why do we have to go back to JA? We’re not even seven minutes into the episode and I’m already sick of him. He explains to John that just because $1 million was spent on an interior design doesn’t mean that he’ll be getting that $1 million back when he sells the house. I will give JA credit for one thing. He really does give his clients realistic prices on the house. It’s not like Aaron who wanted to sell Chris’s house for a lot more than it’s worth just to please his client.
It’s the only compliment he’ll be getting from me all season.
JA offers to list the house at $3.995 million as long as it’s fully furnished. John also has to agree to be flexible. If there is no interest in the house at $3.995 million, then JA will lower the price. John agrees to the terms. Then, I see the douchiest thing I’ve ever seen. John says, “Let me tell you one thing.” Then, to punctuate this, he puts on his sunglasses. “Where I come from, real businessmen wear suits.” I can’t take any more of this guy. He’s has to be an actor that Bravo hired to be the seller. I refuse to believe that anyone is like this in real life.
Back to Madison and Aaron. Aaron agrees that the offer isn’t something they should take. Why does Aaron talk like he’s got a through full of phlegm? I hope it’s nothing major like throat cancer or something traumatic when he was a kid. Then I’d feel like shit making fun of him. Also, I just noticed this now, but every time he speaks, I clear my throat. It’s like I’m trying to clear his for him!
Please go buy some Mucinex!
Madison reminds Chris that he originally wanted to list the property between $6 million and $6.5 million. He explains that now might be the time to reduce the price to regenerate some more interest. Chris isn’t happy about the price reduction (drink!). However, he agrees to counter and reduce the price.
Hooray! It’s JF. He’s going to a listing meeting on Rodeo Drive. He meets with Sandy. She is the seller’s representative for this deal. JF knows that this house is going to be a difficult sell. It is customized to the current owner’s tastes and may not be for everyone. He is also aware that it probably one be a family house as the master bedroom is on a different floor than the other bedrooms. Most people want to have their children nearby. Also, we have to talk about some of the decorating:
Hello Kitty goes perfectly with the custom chandeliers and grand staircase.
Why does JF always get the weird clients? I know that he’s known as a very creative real estate agent, but this is getting a little ridiculous.
JF does like the house and knows that its location on Rodeo drive is going to be a great selling point. He thinks that they should price the house in the $2.8 million range. Sandy immediately shoots that down (drink!). The seller wants $3 million and not a penny less (drink again!). JF agrees that aiming for $3 million isn’t unrealistic because of the location. Sandy and JF compromise at agree to list at $2.995 million.
JF asks if Sandy is ready for the first brokers open on Tuesday. She flat out says no. She shoots down a few more offers before she tells JF that the seller doesn’t want to do any open houses. She is a private person and wants to only have private showings. Maybe Sandy could have told JF this at the beginning of the meeting. However, JF can put the house on the multiple listings service.
Well, at least I got some JF to put me in a better mood before we go back to JA. He’s with Mikey for the open house on John’s property. JA has given Mikey more and more responsibilities. One of those responsibilities is being the bartender for the open house. Also, this:
This seems to be more of a punishment than a responsibility.
Mikey starts playing the ukulele and singing about how JA is going to sell this house today. Don’t encourage him, Mikey. I don’t hate you yet. Let’s keep it that way. JA knows that it’s a great house, but not for $3.995 million. Watching this, I started thinking. JF is able to sell some pretty strange houses by being really creative at his open houses. JA tries to sell normal houses by giving people alcohol. I don’t blame him. I’d have to be drunk too if I was spending time around JA.
She’s only one shot away from dancing topless on the couch.