Million Dollar Listing LA Recap: The Circus Comes to Town

Hello, Gasmii! Welcome back to another episode of “Million Dollar Listing LA.” Last week, JA sold Gary’s house after a lot of fighting about price, JF found a house for his friend who was getting divorced, and Madison had a brokers open for an unfinished house, but no one wanted to buy it in the current condition. It was pretty low on the drama factor. The previews for this week’s episode promised us something interesting when Madison, Heather, and JA seem to be at a party together. After the past few episodes, some train wreck style drama would be nice!

This needs to happen soon. 

We start this episode with JA. He’s having a listing meeting at a car dealership. That makes perfect sense. One should always discuss something important like buying or selling million dollar real estate while also buying a very expensive car. You don’t really need to think too much about either one of those. JA is meeting with Orlando Scandrick of the Dallas Cowboys. They have their meeting inside a McLaren MP4-12C. Of course they did.

Just another day in the office. 

I think this is a little bit rude to the car salesman. He’s just trying to do his job and sell a car and his potential buyer is taking another meeting. Orlando’s business manager told JA that Orlando is looking for a house. He has two kids so he wants a family-friendly house. Orlando wants a newer house and wants to spend $2-$6 million. It’s important to remember this part because Orlando tells JA that the matter has already been discussed with his business manager. Also, remember that Orlando tells JA he won’t waste his time. They agree to meet up in two hours to go look at some houses.

JF and Colton are grocery shopping. First, I need to point out how adorable JF is walking around eating cookies while they shop:

The only other person in the store doing this is probably 3-years-old. 

I can’t make fun of him too much. A friend of mine works part-time at Pathmark to supplement the income from her full-time job. She works in the bakery, and I will routinely go in when I know she’s working because she’ll give me a cookie. Just to make sure it’s legit, she’s had me fill out a card for the “cookie club” that’s meant for little kids. Cookies are just one of those little pleasures that makes life awesome.

Wait a minute! JF puts the opened and half-eaten box of cookies back on the shelf! I really hope he picked them back up again. If not, then JF has just been caught stealing on camera. He’s also taking bites out of random vegetables! I hope that they end up buying those. I’m really glad that we don’t shop at the same grocery store. Between recapping this and “Hell’s Kitchen,” I have had a week filled with people being disgusting around food.

I’m starting to rethink JF being my favorite person on this show.

As much as JF hates that Colton is trying to get him to eat healthy, he knows that it’s just because Colton cares about him. JF is willing to humor him. I’m just glad Colton chastises JF for his disgusting behavior! JF has been demoted on my scale of the people on this show. Grandma Edith is always number one. JF has been demoted to third place – just after Colton! (Congratulations, Colton!)

Madison is on the phone with Michael to check on the status of the house that is being built. Michael tells him that it’s just about done. The cabinets and counter tops are all finished. With this news, Madison can start sending out invitations to a second open house. To get people to come back and see the house, he wants to set the open house up as an art show. He’s meeting with Jill (an artist) to see about showing and selling some of her work. 

Jill wants to know if Madison will be donating some of his own work to the party. Although Madison says that he’ll be donating the alcohol, Jill insists that he contribute a painting. With that, Madison literally slaps some paint onto a canvas. Now, I appreciate the idea behind abstract art. However, paintings like this are always completely lost on me. I just never understood how my slapping paint on a canvas would just be paint on a canvas. However, stuff like that is hanging in museums all over the world. That’s just my preference. I’ve always been more of a fan of the impressionists.

I did this same painting last time I spilled blueberry juice in the kitchen.

Ha! When Madison asks Jill how much she thinks he can get for his painting at the art show, she just says, “We’ll see how much the frame costs.” Brilliant! I like Jill. She should be on more shows.

JF is at a listing meeting. Also, on a completely random note, he looks kind of adorable in a bow tie:

If only he would shave. 

He’s meeting with Lisa about co-listing a house. The house is HUGE! Although the house is on one of the best streets in Santa Monica, JF already knows it’s not going to be an easy property to sell. It’s a massive contemporary in the middle of a neighborhood filled with more traditional family-style homes. Jill and JF meet with Nikki (the seller’s assistant) and Gucci (a dog). 

Even Gucci is pissed off at his sweater!

Ben is the seller. He’s on a conference call at the moment, so Nikki will be showing around Jill and JF. The house has five bedrooms and TEN BATHROOMS! In what universe would ten bathrooms be necessary for something that isn’t a hotel. Does this guy routinely have ten people showering in his house all at once?  The hand blown glass chandeliers are actually pretty cool. 

I think this could be another contender for the TVgasm house! 

I have to steal JF’s line about this sculpture:

“It’s a lot of balls.”

JF is worried about a lot of the chandeliers and blown glass artwork in the house. He thinks that the next owner would just completely rip them out. They then go to the “party room.” JF says that’s another $100,000 the seller will never get back. JF thinks that not too many people would want a disco tech in their house. He then speculates that MC Hammer might. JF could have at least come up with a more current example. On a sort of related note, Vanilla Ice is a real estate agent now. I wonder what we would have to do to get him on this show.

Let’s make this happen, Bravo!

Nikki then starts explaining the rooms in terms of how much Gucci likes them. Now, I have been known to treat my cat like she’s the queen of this apartment. However, I don’t really explain things (besides cat toys, food, etc.)  in terms of how much she likes them. I am the very definition of a “pet person,” and even I want to punch Nikki in the face for this little segment.

Then they go see the full automated toilet. This is the second one of those we’ve seen on this show (remember JF’s neighbor?). This one even heats up. I don’t really see a use for that. I have been on the toilet thinking, “You know, this experience would be so much better if my ass was toasty warm right now.”

The definition of “overkill.”  

JF and Jill have a seat while Nikki goes to see if Ben is ready for the meeting. JF tells Jill that he thinks the house is worth $7 million. However, he thinks that it will be hard to convince Ben as he’ll likely think the house is worth $10 million. When Ben arrives, he tells JF and Jill that he spent $9.3 million on the house and would like to get as close to that as possible. JF explains that, in our current housing market, the house is worth much less than what Ben originally paid. Ben doesn’t want to sell the house at the price JF suggested. “This is like my second child.” If it’s like your child, Ben, why are you selling it? That makes me wonder what happened to Ben’s first child. 

Now we know how he got so rich. 

Ben says that the lowest he would go on the house is about $8 million. JF suggests they list the house at $7.95 million to get people in the door and get some strong offers. Ben isn’t too thrilled about that price, but trusts JF’s judgment on the matter. The challenge will be finding a buyer who has the same strange taste that Ben has. 

JA and Orlando arrive at the first property. JA wants to show Orlando something at the high end of his budget and work down from there. This house was just finished that week. There is even a thumbprint reader to enter the house. That’s kind of cool. I have that on my laptop. I haven’t set it up yet – mainly because there is nothing worth stealing on my laptop.

Orlando proves himself to be the biggest douchebag this show has ever seen! JA shows him the kitchen and Orlando asks if there would be a separate one for a chef to use. He doesn’t want his “support team” to use the same kitchen that he would use. Are you fucking kidding me? If I could afford someone to cook for me, they could cook in my bedroom for all I care!

It takes a special kind of ass hole to be the worst person on this show.

As the tour of the house goes on, Orlando stops paying attention. He’s playing on his phone the entire time. I’m going to ask to you remember back about 15 minutes. Didn’t Orlando say that he wouldn’t waste JA’s time? Apparently Orlando doesn’t remember saying that to JA because he just tunes him out. JA thinks that Orlando either doesn’t like the house or doesn’t like him. Now, it’s no secret that I dislike JA. However, I think Orlando is acting like a spoiled little brat right now. If someone is working for you to try to get you a place to live, you might just want to pay attention. Then Orlando says that it’s getting late and he’s tired. Why did he even bother to ask JA to show him houses if he really didn’t want to do it himself?

This is Orlando not wasting anyone else’s time. 

Orlando decides to leave the matter up to Jamie, his financial adviser. Maybe he should have thought about that before he met with JA and agreed to spend the day looking at houses. JA understands that some people don’t like looking at houses. However, he’s hoping that this just isn’t Orlando’s way of blowing him off. From what I’ve seen of Orlando, I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. 

Madison is getting ready for his open house. He thinks that the house really looks like a $3 million property now that it’s finished. I completely agree with him. The house is beyond gorgeous. As weird as it sounded initially, the paintings that he’s hung up for the art show really look great. It gives the house a finished look. 

I’d pay $3 million just to sit on that deck! 

Madison is really pleased with the turnout. The brokers who saw the unfinished house are there. New brokers are there. There are even some potential buyers at this open house. Someone actually says she would buy Madison’s painting. I really hope she was just being nice. Michael is very happy with the open house as well. 

Madison returns to his office. Paige tells him that Heather called again. Apparently Heather has been calling there a lot. Madison gives us a little more information about Heather being fired. He gave her a two week severance package. Heather responded with an email that just said, “I have been advised not to sign this.” I’m willing to bet that JA was the one who “advised” her. Madison used to give Heather a percentage of his commission as an incentive. However, Heather now wants commission on properties that closed after she was fired. If Heather calls back, Paige is to tell her that everything needs to be in writing. 

I’m sorry you have to talk to Heather.

JF and Colton are out to dinner for their fourth anniversary. JF is really cute when he talks about the stability and love Colton has brought to his life. Colton asks JF where he sees their relationship in four years. JF describes their life exactly as it is now. Colton explains that he would like to have a house one day, but JF loves that they’re living in a full service building where he doesn’t even have to change a light bulb. JF is visibly nervous when Colton brings up the idea of wanting kids and how that is something he has to have in his life.

I do see JF’s side of this. He explains that he’s only 26-years-old and he’s not thinking about kids right now. I’m kind of the same way. I’m not 100% opposed to having children one day. However, I’m only 28-years-old. Children is the last thing I’m thinking about. Although I do agree with JF in this situation, it would be nice of him to tell Colton whether or not he’d want kids one day.  

Colton’s clock is ticking.

JF tries to tell Colton that he doesn’t think he’d be a good father. Colton is adorable (again) when he reassures JF that he’d be a good father. Although Colton does love JF very much, he does want to have a family and he wants JF to be a part of it. JF tells Colton that he loves him and that they’ll figure it out. I don’t think Colton should be too worried. They’re both only in their 20s. They’ve got plenty of time to figure out the family thing. I really like these two together. I hope they do figure it out. 

Madison is meeting with a few people for a private showings of the house. Apparently, this house just won’t sell. Madison explains that all the stars must be aligned to make a sale. I think Madison’s would make more sales if he was a better real estate agent. We’re in the sixth episode and he’s still only sold one house – his parents’ house. 

Maybe it’s just you, Madison. 

Jane, one of the agents meeting with Madison, has a client who would love the house, but they’re not ready to purchase at the moment.  Instead, they’re looking to lease and would be offering $10,000/month. Madison knows that Michael wants to sell the house. However, a lease might not be a bad idea. Once the lease is up, they can show the house again in, hopefully, a better housing market. Madison tells Jane that her clients should write up and offer and they’ll go from there. 

JF and his intern Joshua are back at Ben’s property. Joshua describes the house as, “It looks like a Kardashian lives here.” Please don’t insult Ben’s taste like that. The house may be a little strange, but that doesn’t mean it’s trashy! JF thinks the house would be best suited for a younger buyer. JF wants to market the property as a party house to much younger buyers. Jessica arrives. She is a circus performer. There will be some circus performance for the open house party. 

JA is meeting with Orlando’s financial adviser Jamie. They’re at a $4 million dollar property that is right in the middle of Orlando’s price range. This house is amazing. It has a two story master bedroom. That bedroom is bigger than my apartment. I could live just in that part of the house. Jamie, as the person in charge of making sure Orlando doesn’t go broke, isn’t going to let him spend $4 million on a house. 

Back at Ben’s house, Circus Jessica is explaining to JF that they do not have animals nor do they have “small people” (JF’s words). What kind of circus is that? I demand at least one elephant! Joshua wants some of the circus performers to be young pirate men with their shirts off. 

That is the exact face I made. 

Madison is meeting with Michael to see if he would be already for leasing the house. Michael is not happy about the lease offer. He hired Madison to sell the property. Exactly, Michael. You hired Madison. Did you actually think that he would sell the house? I guess Michael hasn’t been paying very close attention. Although he’s not happy, he still wants to hear the lease offer. The offer was originally for a six-month lease. Madison explained that wouldn’t work and the potential lessee came back with a year offer. Madison explains that if they lease the house for now, it will be back on the market in a year and, perhaps, the economy will improve. Michael explains that, if they’re going to lease the house, it would have to be for two years. Madison calls Jane. She knows that her client will not do a two year lease on the house. Jane will give her client a call to see what can be done.

We’re back with JA getting yelled at by Jamie. Apparently, Orlando’s range of $2-$6 million wasn’t realistic. I’m not sure why Jamie is getting at JA over this. JA did exactly what his client had asked. How is he supposed to have known that Jamie wouldn’t want Orlando spending t hat kind of money. Perhaps this is something that Jamie and JA could have talked about on the phone BEFORE going to look at houses. And now I hate Jamie for making me take JA’s side. 

The second biggest douchebag of this episode. 

Jamie would rather Orlando buy a house in the $2-$2.5 million range. JA explains that it’s hard to look at houses with someone who isn’t the buyer, especially when that person isn’t communicating with their client. I actually have to say, JA handles himself very well here. It would have been really easy to point out what an ass hole Jamie was being. Instead, he just agreed to show houses in the price range Jamie told him.

We go back to Madison, and Jane has just called him back. A two year leas just won’t work. However, her client is willing to go into an 18 month lease. Michael agrees to the 18 month lease. Although Madison closed a deal, he didn’t actually sell the house like he was supposed to. I’m still counting this as failure for Madison.

Back and Ben’s property, JF and Joshua are getting ready for the circus-themed brokers open. Then the performers arrive.

Well, Joshua at least got the shirtless part of his wish. 

I kind of want to know why JF keeps saying, “Welcome to Georgina!” Can anyone explain this for me? Perhaps Ben named the house and we didn’t hear that part. The brokers and potential buyers arrive. Heather and JA show up! Heather tells JF that Madison fired her. Uh oh! Madison and his brother are on their way inside. Ha! The chandelier (the one I posted at the beginning of the recap) really does look like sperm! Here it is again so you don’t have to go all the way back.

It’s a very fertile chandelier. 

JF takes Heather and JA to the back yard. That’s where Madison is. The show ends just as Heather and Madison see one another. It looks like all the drama with this comes next week. Why does this show keep teasing me?