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With three new housewives replacing Alex, Jill, Kelly, and Cindy, the drama promises to be fresh and sparkly clean. The premiere opens with LuAnn getting together for coffee with one of the new housewives, Aviva Drescher. While discussing their lives, they discover that they both speak French fluently. Get ready for subtitles this season as LuAnn is delighted that they can have their very own “secret” language. Ooh la la, merde! Aviva suspects that her ex-husband “knows” some of the other ladies quite well, so don’t be surprised to hear an occasional “Ima hurt that fuckerdoodle” in French.
Sonja is throwing a party and is rushing to get ready before her guests arrive. This will be the first opportunity for all of this season’s housewives to get together under one roof. LuAnn and Aviva are the first to arrive, followed by Heather Thomson and Carole Radziwill. I was thinking that the worst was still to come since Ramona Grigio hadn’t arrived yet, but then the ladies start talking about going to certain parts of town to get their frisk on. Thankfully, Ramona–the human walking, talking cold shower–shows up and puts the kabosh on the frisky talk. LuAnn has been waiting months for an apology from Ramona, so she goes for it. If I have to watch Ramona another season, at least it can be a season filled with a drunk Ramona and an angry Countess going at it like a naked zombie and a vagrant.
Carole will be interviewing celebrities and having excerpts of her latest book featured in Glamour. Heather has her own line of shape wear called Yummie Tummie. Ramona stops by Heather’s office to ask her what she has against the letter “y” but gets distracted while one-upping Heather with horrible birthing stories.
Aviva and Sonja meet up for pedicures. Aviva brings along an orange bag which contains an extra prosthetic leg. Aviva is an amputee as a result of a farming accident that happened when she was a child. She uses different legs for flats and heels. It is a tragic story and she bravely and openly discusses being an amputee. Later, Heather meets up with Ramona and Sonja for drinks. Sonja is happily talking about the logo of her toaster oven cookbook when, out of the blue, Heather mentions that her father died the previous week and proceeds to toast to him, followed by a toast to a diabetic, blind family member. These ladies toast to just about everything, including toast.
Ramona and Mario are hosting a dinner at their Hamptons home. Sonja is staying with them and is helping by making appetizers. Aviva and Reid bring Ramonster’s favorite pies and Heather shows up needing a Scotch–badly. The poorly stocked bar has no Scotch, so Heather asks for Tequila and everyone joins in for a shot or two or three. What looks like a glass full of water in Heather’s hand is actually Tequila. Girlfriend is getting toasty. I never thought I’d see a scene where Ramona looked like the sober one.
Dinner is served. Conversation turns to Aviva meeting her husband while down on her knees and Ramona chastising Sonja that her husband isn’t her husband any longer. The next day, LuAnn’s daughter, Victoria, is holding an art show in the garage which has become her studio. Victoria’s artwork has a dark edge to it, but she is very talented. Sonja did not attend the showing, which leads LuAnn to feel that her beef with Ramona is now extending to Sonja, as well. And another name is added to the apology list.
Carole missed the Hamptons events, so once the ladies are back in town, she invites LuAnn, Heather, and Aviva to get together for pigs in a blanket. LuAnn tells Carole and Aviva about a phone call she received from Ramona threatening to tell people that an underage girl passed out from alcohol at a party for LuAnn’s son. LuAnn is justifiably livid and will not tolerate Ramonster bringing her kids into their bad pinot-infused blood.
This season looks full of travel, wine, phobias, bitching, bidets, blackmailing, and back-stabbing.